I'm new here and wanted to see if you guys think that this is wrong.
My daughter just graduated from high school, will be 18 in 6 weeks. She has a guy friend that has been talking to her, which I recently met and found out that he is 21. Met..well more like I went to the movies and found out my daughter lied and said she was going with someone else and then walked out with this kid. I was furious and yelled at her, while the whole time the little sneak hid from me. I have tried to tell her that if he was respectful that he would of introduced himself to me but instead hid. I have already told this kid that he has no business with a 17 year old and if he touches my daughter I will call the cops. They have not had sex or are now allowed to even be alone together.
I have not forbid her to see him, I told her I have never said who she can or cannot be friends with, but that I hope she does not screw up her life for a summer fling. She leaves for college in 6 weeks on a full scholarship but I have now found out that this kid transferred and is also planning on the same college as she is attending. We cannot talk to his parents as they are dead. She is very niave and has not had many boyfriends..well only 2 and they were more of a school boyfriends and they hardly ever saw each other out of school. I just hate the idea that she will go away to college and screw up her life because of this boy..who by the way is a total shit, he's mean to people when she is not around, if she gets up to go some wheres he asks her where she is going, he texts her non stop, oh and if she posts something on facebook within seconds he replies. Its getting a little spooky because we know his family was a family of violence. The father use to beat up the mom and well...he killed her and then himself. So yeah I'm a little freaked out by this kid and he is showing us some signs of being controlling, stalkerish.
Your dd is essentially turning 18 and heading to college. It is not out of the realm of normal for her to date a 20 or 21 year old. My advice, talk to her about what makes good relationships, and red flags to look out for. Express your concerns and then let it go. Do not continue to talk negatively about him or you will drive her to him and drive her to defend him. Make sure your dd is on birth control AND has condoms. Explain the prevelance of STI's. Get an up to date text book for a Human sexuality class, and go over it with her. 1 in 4 college students has herpes! She needs to know that. You can't always see it. You don't always know, and you can still get it. Explain that she could wake up with painful blisters everywhere and fever.
Do not think that providing birth control will encourage her to have sex. If she doesn't want to, she wont. But get it anyway. Do not take chances. Please trust me. It isn't worth it. 95% of teens will have sex before they finish college. That's the large majority. Be practical and realistic.
Quoting DarlaHood:Your dd is essentially turning 18 and heading to college. It is not out of the realm of normal for her to date a 20 or 21 year old. My advice, talk to her about what makes good relationships, and red flags to look out for. Express your concerns and then let it go. Do not continue to talk negatively about him or you will drive her to him and drive her to defend him. Make sure your dd is on birth control AND has condoms. Explain the prevelance of STI's. Get an up to date text book for a Human sexuality class, and go over it with her. 1 in 4 college students has herpes! She needs to know that. You can't always see it. You don't always know, and you can still get it. Explain that she could wake up with painful blisters everywhere and fever.
Do not think that providing birth control will encourage her to have sex. If she doesn't want to, she wont. But get it anyway. Do not take chances. Please trust me. It isn't worth it. 95% of teens will have sex before they finish college. That's the large majority. Be practical and realistic.
These ladies have offered excellent advice. I agree with what both have said. She is almost 18 I think rather than forbidding the relationship at this time you need to keep communication wide open.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:
This is great advice! I'm thinking its way more than the 3 year age difference that concerns you. While you certainly have every reason to be concerned, I would not forbid her to date him. Tell her how you feel and let it go. If he is controlling he would welcome a big blow up and break down between you and your DD. If she is in a potentially dangerous situation you need to have to keep all lines of communication and trust open between the two of you. Best of luck, hope she finds out he is a jerk and dumps him!
Quoting DarlaHood:Your dd is essentially turning 18 and heading to college. It is not out of the realm of normal for her to date a 20 or 21 year old. My advice, talk to her about what makes good relationships, and red flags to look out for. Express your concerns and then let it go. Do not continue to talk negatively about him or you will drive her to him and drive her to defend him. Make sure your dd is on birth control AND has condoms. Explain the prevelance of STI's. Get an up to date text book for a Human sexuality class, and go over it with her. 1 in 4 college students has herpes! She needs to know that. You can't always see it. You don't always know, and you can still get it. Explain that she could wake up with painful blisters everywhere and fever.
Do not think that providing birth control will encourage her to have sex. If she doesn't want to, she wont. But get it anyway. Do not take chances. Please trust me. It isn't worth it. 95% of teens will have sex before they finish college. That's the large majority. Be practical and realistic.
take your DD to a meeting for abused women. Go with her and sit through it. Then talk and more importantly LISTEN to her. My neice was traveliing down the same path as your DD minus the college part. This is what helped open her eyes.
at first when I saw the title I said HELL NO....but after reading it I personally don't think theres much you can do....I mean sure for the next 6 weeks you can tell her she can't see him or whatever but after that shes going to be an adult and away at college.....It's time for her to grow up and live her life as she wants sorry but its the truth....and the signs you've shown don't even hint toward stalkerish at me....since theyve been talking alot shes going to pop up on his newfeed instantly and a lot of people get facebook notifications on there phone or stay logged in and chech there newsfeed a lot....so its perfectly normal that he would comment on her posts quickly....and i ask my hubby where hes going when he gets up not angry just a question or wondering what hes up to...and frequent texting is again super normal.....the only thing that I would watch is how you said hes mean to people when shes not around but I have to wonder how you know that?
Also, I don't know that you even can go to the police if they have sex. In many states, the age of consent is 16, and the laws also take into account the actual age difference of the guy and the girl, so a 21 year old having sex with a nearly 18 year old may very well not be illegal in your state.
I wouldn't like it either, but forbidding it right now might keep her from communicating to you about the relationship. If there is a history of family violence, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll be violent too. But it does mean that he'll be more likely to be violent if he was never taught another way. Work on keeping the lines of communication open with your daughter. Make sure she understands her concerns, and make sure that she knows that she can still be open and honest with you even if you don't like the situation.
Rejection
- lacylilbunny
on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:31 AM