Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

How do I deal with my teen's attitude?

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:06 AM
  • 35 Replies

I knew this day would come but I thought I'd handle it better when it did.  I've found that I'm really intolerant when my teen throws attitude.  I know it's a normal part of teenhood, but do I put my foot down or allow him his "my parents are so annoying" eye rolls?

How do I deal with my teen's attitude?


by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:06 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Eye rolls to my face aren't allowed. If you want to be pissed, you will excuse yourself from my presence and go pout in your room. I call him on it any time and every time.

You mouth off, you might just get slapped. Luckily, DS has never pushed it that far. He KNOWS I would not have a problem putting him in his place.

I also try to give DS times/ places to be a teen. He has earned the responsibility to go places on his own and I let him hang with friends as long as they let me know where they are and I DO keep tabs on him from afar (ie checking in at prearranged times or calling randomly.)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FindersKeepers
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this

My DH and I handle it differently.    I battle the 'tude with sarcasim and pretending to be deaf/blind.   A lot of the times they are trying to get a reaction out of us and if they don't the reaction they wanted they lose steam on their efforts.   Sometimes I mimic their tone or tell them 'is this so hard, I didn't realize I was dealing with a 4 yo?'   (Teens HATE to be told their behavior is younger than they are because they think they are so grown up.    I also threaten them with reality... as teens they have more privledges which can be revoked any time they CHOOSE to not act their age..... natural consequences work best.   They would not stop fighting when cleaning the kitchen together so they had to clean it alone for a while.... they learned team work pretty fast after that.   I do rarely lose my temper and have screamed.   The kids don't like it when I do bc they know I am really ticked off.   My DH loses his cool all the time so if they start mouthing off to him he nips it in the bud right away.    

IMO they can eye roll and sigh 'a little' and I will ignore it a little as long as they do exactly what I wanted them to.   They cannot be verbally disrespectful or overtly physically disrespectful.   They are allowed to not like what I want them to do and they are allowed to respectfully address it like an adult and propose alternate solutions.   No boss/teacher would tolerate braty BS and neither will I. 

maureen813
by Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 12:29 PM
3 moms liked this

I am a clinical therapist working with children and teenagers in a school based position. The eye rolls and attitude are considered very normal and age appropriate behavior as kids are testing their limits and trying desperately to seperate from their parents. Giving clear limits and consequences for behavior that you find unacceptable is fine...such as removal of priveledges or extra chores. There is someone who posted that they would slap their teenager in the mouth if they were fresh, this is unadvised and could potentially exaserbate the situation. Hang in there, it's just a stage. I have one fourteen year old and one eleven year old!

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 12:59 PM
LOL.... let it "exacerbate" all it will. DS knows the boundaries. He doesn't push it because he KNOWS the potential. He also knows I follow through. I don't make idle threats.

PS...he's a purple belt in karate, and quite strong. It would be the shock factor that worked as I know he could overpower me... maybe ;) ...but I would/could do so.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momo3fgr8tteens
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Ignore the eye rolls. If he says something that is congruent to the eye rolls just say, I'm sorry or I understand or nevertheless to diffuse any type of power struggle or button pushing that teens do so well, lol. My son told me that none of his friends parents make them tell their parents everywhere they go. I just said, I understand and left it at that. He tried to get me in an argument about it and I said well if you understand why do you do it and I just said I understand your upset, call me when you leave R's house and let me know where you are. I have learned to just ignore a lot of the teenage attitude as long as they aren't breaking any rules or hurting themselves or anyone else. I think they grow out of it, or lets hope sooner rather than later. 

momo3fgr8tteens
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:02 PM

I agree with this 100%!

Quoting FindersKeepers:

My DH and I handle it differently.    I battle the 'tude with sarcasim and pretending to be deaf/blind.   A lot of the times they are trying to get a reaction out of us and if they don't the reaction they wanted they lose steam on their efforts.   Sometimes I mimic their tone or tell them 'is this so hard, I didn't realize I was dealing with a 4 yo?'   (Teens HATE to be told their behavior is younger than they are because they think they are so grown up.    I also threaten them with reality... as teens they have more privledges which can be revoked any time they CHOOSE to not act their age..... natural consequences work best.   They would not stop fighting when cleaning the kitchen together so they had to clean it alone for a while.... they learned team work pretty fast after that.   I do rarely lose my temper and have screamed.   The kids don't like it when I do bc they know I am really ticked off.   My DH loses his cool all the time so if they start mouthing off to him he nips it in the bud right away.    

IMO they can eye roll and sigh 'a little' and I will ignore it a little as long as they do exactly what I wanted them to.   They cannot be verbally disrespectful or overtly physically disrespectful.   They are allowed to not like what I want them to do and they are allowed to respectfully address it like an adult and propose alternate solutions.   No boss/teacher would tolerate braty BS and neither will I. 


Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:04 PM
2 moms liked this
If you ignore eye rolls, who's going to teach tem not to eye roll other authority figures. Let him try it on a teacher or boss and see what happens. God forbid he did it to a cop when he gets pulled over.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bertieb
by Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I got my daughter an appointment with my therapist the other day but haven't had the nerve to tell her yet, she will be pissed!!!! I totally admit I spoiled her rotten and now she's 15 and unpleasant most of the time unless she wants something. I am the real problem I know. I didn't nip it in the bud when it started getting worse and now it is spilling over into how she treats other people. I was guilty over my divorce and remarriage and moving and gave her everything under the sun she wanted. I noticed when she gets ugly I even start trying to make it better with offers of going, cooking something, etc. I'm always trying too hard to make her happy.

I think my therapist thinks if I'm going to be incapable of helping her she may as well. I am grateful that through her attitude and all my DH still likes having her around and enjoys their sarcastic rhetoric to each other. My therapist also gave me Boundaries for Teens to read so hopefully I will get a little tougher!

Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Usually, I just do a verbal reminder that eye rolling or back talking will not be tolerated, and that seems to work. Our son is pretty respectful of us. If it was to continue even after the reminder, he would be punished--most likely being grounded from either friends or electronics.

FindersKeepers
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 1:46 PM

They KNOW eye rolling is wrong which is why they are doing it... in an attempt to upset us.   My sister gave me great advice.... NEVER ENGAGE A CRAZY PERSON.   If a lunatic on the street got into it with you, would you engage them?  No, you would stay calm and be as matter of fact as possible.   Consider the teens crazy people.... their brains are not fully developed and they are an emotional hurricane.    When they are upset, I am all business and stay calm.   It is very difficult to yell at someone who is not yelling back.   Staying calm diffuses the situation much quicker than any other method.    Plus I don't have to be sorry later for over reacting or 'slapping my kid in the mouth'.  

We talk to our kids often about what would be acceptable behavior at a job.   For example C's are not okay here because your boss would not want a C employee and they would not remind you 100 times to do a simple task.   The goal is to teach them to manage their anger.   A quote I often tell my kids is "Anger is not an arguement'.   They are not robots, they are going to be upset sometimes.   If they need to go to their room to calm down, drink some water, cry or roll their eyes.... that is part of the body processing anger.   After a storm has passed we discuss better ways to deal with situations so that they learn from them.   They are even encouraged to tell us if something hurt their feelings or if we could handle things better.   Since they are improving in their anger/disappointment management as they get older, I am satisfied that our approach is working.  

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

If you ignore eye rolls, who's going to teach tem not to eye roll other authority figures. Let him try it on a teacher or boss and see what happens. God forbid he did it to a cop when he gets pulled over.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)