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UPDATE to "My 13 year old hates me"...

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:07 PM
  • 7 Replies

So we had our first counciling session today. Turns out that alot of the hatred coming from my daughter is bc of things that her dad and step mom have said about me to and around her and her brother. She was never told about the good things jus when i didnt call or if i was late sending them support that wasnt even court ordered. I decided to help out by giving them what i do a month to help with exspences. This has all gotten so far out of hand its rediculous. Its going to take time and i understand that but nothing can patch that spot of hurt that Ive been put threw jus to see them. I wish they could understand things from my point of view. I text my daughter today with "I love you and I'll always be here if you should need to talk or anything. I hope things will get better between us." Her relpy "OKaay!" Im completly stumped... Like she didnt listen to or take in exactly what it is I said. I get so frustrated at times....           confused

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:07 PM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:09 PM
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Patience momma. Today was the first day of counseling. she needs time to process.

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:23 PM

I know. Patience has never been a good quality in me... 

by Grumpy on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:44 PM

Okay was not a bad response.  She's at her dad's I'm assuming and didn't want to be caught talking to the evil mother there.  I would seriously sit down with dad and discuss that it is not appropriate to badmouth you to her, it's just common sense.

I have a lot of issues with mine's biomom and I have never badmouthed her around the kids or even discussed support or anything else with them.  She didn't take visitation this weekend, and one told me it was because she "didn't have the gas" I just told her that's too bad, maybe she'll have gas soon.  That's it.  And then I was asked today if I was on Cafe mom with her mom was bashing me.  Weird question.

It really screws them up.  They are supposed to be able to trust both parents and when one lies or badmouths it messes them up because they don't know what to do anymore because one is wrong and neither should be.

by on Jul. 29, 2012 at 9:59 PM
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Well, I know the feeling all to well I wish I could say there's a magic pill or word but there's not... Our kids can rip out our heart so fast you don't even know how to react... The wonderful world of parenting teens.. much harder the kids... I remember my oldest two who are 20/18 would talk to me as if I was some nasty ass mean hated person.. they act hateful, hurtful and I just didn't know how yo react I was beside my self many times..

Now they are older n on their own n all thou they have grown in someways they still stay true to some of the old ways... But I have to say its much better now then before.. so now I have four at home n although my older sons haven't been anywhere as mean as the girls they still blame me for anything that doesn't go the way they think it should!!

So like today my oldest son17 he went to work I drop him off as I did yesterday n the day before well we only have one van n dh had to work couldn't be helped told him this n normally he works all day n hitched a ride with sis.. well that didn't work out today so he felt because I was not doing enough for him to insult me with text... Just picking on anything he could.. so just as this is going on my other son15 mows every other weekend n the weed eater wire broke this is my fault yet again!! So he throws down a fit.. so at this point I am pretty upset with the two of them..

These are kids that everythings been done for n they have not had to go through any sort of bad thing but yet they still find fault with everything we do as their parents..

I never claimed to be perfect I never said I don't make mistakes I make them everyday... Sometimes parenting teens just sucks!!! That's just the way it is sometimes.. this is what I have learned it doesn't matter how much you do or buy or what firey hoops you try to go throw for them they hate us.. I hear its not til they are parents them selves but I don't know yet..

I know someone will read this and say these kid are working and I don't think that awseome.. couldn't be more wrong infact its because of me these boys have the jobs they do.. its me make the way for them so they have money for their games, clothes and what ever they want really.. I feel this experience is very important for them on many levels..

But I sure do feel your pain n hope pray things do get better soon for ya:)hugs
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 8:00 AM
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 My daughter wasn't but about 9 when she thought she hated me. Her dad and his varying next wives bad mouthed me constantly! I hated letting her go for her visits. She never acted out, she just shut me out. Finally, after a major effort, she told me everything that they'd been saying. She cried and felt so bad for "hating" me. My heart broke for her to be sucked in like that. I just hugged her and held her until we both stopped crying. We've been inseparable ever since. She no longer has contact with him, she'll be 13 in about 5 weeks. It's been over a year with no interference from him. (it's been about 2 1/2 years since she actually had to visit him) We moved 1500 miles away, so that helps. ; ) My point is, keep doing what's right and she will come around...I've seen it several times, they figure out who's who. 

Don't give up and pray for patience everyday. I had the same problem, oh...I had NO patience for awhile, which is part of the reason my daughter took stock in what her dad was telling her. I've been working on it and praying about it for quite awhile and I'm doing much better, which has gone a long way with my daughter. Now she is the one who has to have patience with me, because she says, "You never understand anything I'm saying!" LOL Try not to push too hard  or she will pull further away. You almost have to let her come to you. I'm sure, given time and effort and counseling, you and she will build a positive and an even more loving relationship. : )

editted to delete

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 8:29 AM

Don't give up, glad to hear you are moving up the ladder a little.

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 5:57 PM

Thank you ladies so much. I didnt elaberate in the last post bc im not proud of the things Ive done but some good has come out of it too, I met my husband :)  But AT any rate...

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