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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Not passing summer school and his only chance to graduate?!?! Okay, this time Im going go kill him...

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 5:54 AM
  • 17 Replies
My son is 17 and now lives an hour away with ex much to my dismay. I have the other 4 siblings in country area with me. Ds has been 'good' kid most of the time. Overall respectful, not getting into much trouble but I have no idea in the world what makes this kid click. He has been a struggler at school for years...probably starting around 4th or 5th grade. He's very smart, test scores always prove it, but he never does homework, always very lazy and fails. We have done everything...meetings, drs, therapy, phone calls go teachers every night, papers signed w homework ect but some way he just disappoints. Last year, his juinor year was no exception. He says he's got it, he's a little behind, he knows...he will talk to teacher, make it up....but end of story failed THREE subjects. His answer...sorry. His father & I split the whopping cost of summer school...over $700 bucks...the same procedure we have done for two years past. He always drags himself though in the end being the thought of course...plus...this is his only chance go graduate with his class next year. Sooo...he has to spend 6 hours a day now on the computer doing these two classes. He still wanted to take his full time summer job back and insisted he would do both...of course...he has too..and he's done it before. He's working for gas & insurance money for his old beater and too pay us something back for summer school...and again he has. On the only real positive note we have...he goes to work everyday....from the day after school ended this year and last he has to be at work at 7am and wakes on his own and goes. He has a good work ethic and is respectful & responsible in this one way...but mowing lawns isn't really a lifelong hope for anyone's kid...especially without a diploma. Waiting to hear back from one teacher but just heard from a second now...his math grade?? A 12% and less the half the logged in hours required to pass. I don't know what to think. It's pretty much official...he's never going to pass and I'm sure the other grade isn't far behind.

Sooooooo....what's your advice? Do I make him quit the job and ground his completely come here and make him do all the work over in the last few days he has? I'll be at work part time so not able to oversee all time but my gut feeling is its going to be more then a struggle and he's probably going to fail anyway...

Or... Take our hands off and let him fail and be left back? He's probably going to end up dropping out...I can't imagine he will voluntarily go to two more years of high school..

I'm feeling some guilt about being very young when he was born...probably why I allowed him to try out living with Dad like he wanted a few years ago and chipping in for the truck he drives to visit me. I want to do what's right but starting to think there is just no right answer....ugh...

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by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 5:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:21 AM
He needs to pay you back for the classes. Yep, you need to let him fail and not graduate on time. His dad should have been checking that he was doing what he should have been. Sounds like he has zero ambition and you can't make some kids study. This is not your fault. It is up to your son to study.
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kimsamomof3
by Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:42 AM
Even though he doesn't live with you, the situation should have been stopped years ago. I would've made him live with me and straightened him out. Groundings, no job, basically nothing until his grades were good. At that age someone needs to make sure he is on the right track. And that someone is the parent. I would never allow my child to fail classes. And if he did, well let's just say he wouldn't be a happy camper. He would be studying ever waking moment.
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kimsamomof3
by Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:43 AM
Uh, yes you can make a child study. That is part of being a parent.


Quoting atlmom2:

He needs to pay you back for the classes. Yep, you need to let him fail and not graduate on time. His dad should have been checking that he was doing what he should have been. Sounds like he has zero ambition and you can't make some kids study. This is not your fault. It is up to your son to study.

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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:43 AM

Wow.  This is his fault, not yours.  He doesn't have the requirements to pass summer school.  The GED is super hard, I would encourage him to stay in school.  I would also require work to be either only on nonschool days or not at all, which is my rule for my kids anyways.

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 5, 2012 at 7:48 AM
1 mom liked this
You might be able to get them to study but you can't make them pass tests and classes if they really do not want to.


Quoting kimsamomof3:

Uh, yes you can make a child study. That is part of being a parent.




Quoting atlmom2:

He needs to pay you back for the classes. Yep, you need to let him fail and not graduate on time. His dad should have been checking that he was doing what he should have been. Sounds like he has zero ambition and you can't make some kids study. This is not your fault. It is up to your son to study.


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morebabies6
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 8:26 AM
He has been grounded for full marking periods when he was with me. I would check homework every night & somehow hs would just drag through. This is why his Dad wanted to take him...he could give him more one on one attention....but be works too...

I guess what I'm wondering is can I actually take my 'hands off' a 17 year old, under age child and let him take his own path and still sleep at night? How do I tell the guidance counselor & teachers that I've had weekly contact with for the last few years that its on him now and were out of it? I feel like its not within my responsibilities as a parent to virtually give up on him but I can't go on wanting it more then he ever has. He can't be rescued from his choices.

All in all its heart breaking...but I think its life lesson time.
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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I have a different take..

What are his plans after high school? Does he want to attend college? Basicall, what are his goals for his future?

You know a high school diploma doesn't have to be the only way. That was a hard one for me to accept as a parent. Most of what students want to accomplish in life can be done with a ged, there is nothing wrong with saying "traditional school is not working, what other options are there?". 

There are quite a few scenerios I can see in your situation. 

1. Allow him to fail and learn from lifes lessons.

2. Get a GED and enter into a few community college courses.

3. Get GED, let him work for a year...no free ride, room and board has to be paid, then at 18 re-evaluate where he is at. Maybe then he will be ready to take some college classes. If not he has to make plans to move and live on his own.

I know you're thinking, "if he doesn't like high school, how is he going to like college?". My dd prefered college over high school, she hated high school, but does well in college. It is a very different atmosphere then high school, and one she finds she can succeed in. 

It doesn't have to be only one way, there are choices.



02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

 My daughter did the same with acing test but not turning in homework they even had her tested and said she was a borderline genius.

One dr ask her why she wouldn't do her work and she said it was boring because they weren't teaching her anything she didn't know.

This could be his problem you might want to see maybe he should be in advanced classes and talk to the school and see if he can test out of the classes he failed so he can graduate. 

sunflowers12
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:27 AM
Well, its hard to say at 17 they can call their own shots most of the time, but they still need to be at school well that's here in tx.. its different everywhere.. here if there not in school they come after the parents with fines court list goes on... He wouldn't be able to drive here if unless he had gotton his license sooner...

Guilt won't get you anywhere but crazy maybe his dad needs to deal with it cause he lives with him.. I don't really mo but I no blaming your self isn't going to help.. so try to cut your self a break understand the the kid is making his mind up...

And as hard as it is take a step back n allow things to settle down a bit...
Sometimes the best thing for our kids is to have to clean up their own messes..
You cant be always holding a pillow for them to land on each tome they attempt to do something.. failuer are not what's bad its never trying that's bad...

Good luck n hope things get better..
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:59 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

I have a different take..

What are his plans after high school? Does he want to attend college? Basicall, what are his goals for his future?

You know a high school diploma doesn't have to be the only way. That was a hard one for me to accept as a parent. Most of what students want to accomplish in life can be done with a ged, there is nothing wrong with saying "traditional school is not working, what other options are there?". 

There are quite a few scenerios I can see in your situation. 

1. Allow him to fail and learn from lifes lessons.

2. Get a GED and enter into a few community college courses.

3. Get GED, let him work for a year...no free ride, room and board has to be paid, then at 18 re-evaluate where he is at. Maybe then he will be ready to take some college classes. If not he has to make plans to move and live on his own.

I know you're thinking, "if he doesn't like high school, how is he going to like college?". My dd prefered college over high school, she hated high school, but does well in college. It is a very different atmosphere then high school, and one she finds she can succeed in. 

It doesn't have to be only one way, there are choices.



I agree!    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.     What does HE want to do?  He is 17.....there are alternatives schools as well as opportunity for a GED.      Set the boundaries and let him choose.   There comes a point in parenting that you have to be willing to relinquish some control and realize it is his life.   You have raised him, and may not be finished to your satisfaction, lol (when are we ever?) but he has to follow his own path.....as you've raised him to do.




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