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Is There Anything That Could Actually Make You Disown Your Child?

Posted by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:05 PM
  • 32 Replies

Dad Disowns Son for Being Gay

Posted by Jeanne Sager

writingThe handwritten letter scanned in and uploaded to the web that's gone viral may be one of the hardest you'll ever read. In it, a father cuts himself off entirely from his gay son. He disowns his own flesh and blood, ostensibly because he refuses to come to terms with the fact that his child is gay.

We don't know if the letter's legit (it comes from a Reddit user), but it's a jarring example of something that happens. A lot. And not just to gay kids. Kids who turn away from a parent's religion. Kids who opt out on college. Kids who turn to drugs. Good kids. "Bad" kids. They're disowned by their parents.

You could say it's a statement about the state of "kids today." I disagree.

It's a sad statement about the number of parents who are falling down on the job.

The father in the letters calls it a "difficult" one to write. He's wrong. It's the easy way out.

Actually facing our kids when we disagree with them, when they disappoint us, is the real difficulty. But it's the mark of being a parent.

We raise our children with hopes and dreams, and then they throw them on the ground and stomp all over them. That's bound to bruise your ego. But that's what growing up is all about, isn't it? Doing your own thing? Becoming a person, separate from your parents and able to be who you want to be?

Perhaps one of the best views on parenthood that I've ever heard came from movie director Peter Hedges. During a viewing of the upcoming film The Odd Life of Timothy Green a few months ago, Hedges stopped by to answer a few questions. What he said has stuck with me since: "Our kids don't belong to us, we belong to them."

Our kids change from birth to adulthood. But we don't; we can't. Our job is to be the constant in their lives, always there with a heart full of love, with a steady head and a firm hand.

That doesn't mean that we can't disagree with our kids or that we can't be disappointed. The parents of drug addicts, pedophiles, murderers, have ever right to be angry, frustrated, disappointed. But that's where the steady head and firm hand come in, and where the heart full of love balances them out.

As they say, you love the player, but hate the game. You can dislike the path your child has chosen, but underneath your child is still your child.

So this dad doesn't agree with the homosexual lifestyle. OK. Fine. Get over it buddy. Parents don't give up on their kids. So be a parent.

What would it take for you to actually disown your child?

Is there anything that could make you do this?

 

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:14 PM

There is nothing that would make me disown them, not even murder. They would still be my child. I may pull back when I see bad choices, because sometimes they need to learn things the hard way, but I would never say that I no longer am your parent.

FindersKeepers
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:25 PM
2 moms liked this

I would like to say there is not anything that my children could do to be disowned, but if they were a pedophile or murder..... I do not think I could deal.   I cannot imagine the anger, struggle and conflict that the family members of social villans like Sandusky and James Holmes must have.   I feel for those parents and cannot say that I would be in court to support such a person.

 

_AshlynNicole
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:26 PM

 My mom disowned me when she found out I was pregnant while I was in college. It took my Grandma coming up to GA to get us to talk again. From then on she was there every step of the way and she loves my DD more than anything/anyone.

sunflowers12
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 8:16 PM
Dis own for being gay?! No, I may not agree but I still love my child know matter what..
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 8, 2012 at 11:04 PM

I can't imagine disowning my kids.   My love is unconditional.

angelmommy2806
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 11:08 PM
I'd love to say nothing could make me disown my child, but I'd rather not have to find out.
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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Aug. 8, 2012 at 11:55 PM
I can say with certainty nothing my kids could ever do would cause me to actually disown them, it's the definition of unconditional love..
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mumsy2three
by Shauna on Aug. 9, 2012 at 8:18 AM

I love my kids unconditionally.  I don't think there is anything they could do to cause me to "disown" them.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 9, 2012 at 8:23 AM

This

Quoting mumsy2three:

I love my kids unconditionally.  I don't think there is anything they could do to cause me to "disown" them.


02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 9, 2012 at 9:05 AM

 No as a parent if you are a good one nothing could and if it does you never really loved your kids anyway.

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