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how to spot lying

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM
  • 7 Replies

I do not know how to spot a lie.  I have a newly turned 17 yr old and a few mos ago she broke my trust.  I have caught  her in several lies...by checkin her facebk and listening to her phone calls.  She used to abhor lying.  How do I trust her again?  She hooked  up w a wrong crowd..cutters, fire setters, rule breakers.  I moved out of that area. She resents me.  I need help. Im a single mom and am all alone. Have no friends or relatives near me nor do they seem to care about my problems w her. They have their own lives to enjoy.  I am 59 yrs old and had her at 42.  I feel I'm out of the loop and not teenage savy anymore. I'll hank you for sharing beforehand. 

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM
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Replies (1-7):
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Aug. 9, 2012 at 5:02 PM

There are plenty of ways to figure out if she is lieing or not.  However, it seems like she has some bitterness towards you and you have some issues about being disconnected from your family and friends.  I'm not a big counseling fan, BUT it sounds like the both of you could benefit from family counseling.

sunflowers12
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 5:12 PM
Well, understand first she is frontal lobe challenged.. next what is the truth to her may not be the full truth.. all you can do is your best.. nothing more or less.. at this point in the game she is old enough to take adult responsibility you should remind her any law breaking can and will result in jail time.. and she may think she's getting away with stuff but at some point she will get caught n she will get in trouble n there's only so much you can do..

that may help her think her next moves.. also resent well that just goes with the job of parenting.. she will get over it at some point.. good to change the area in which you lived I did the same... I have alway told my kids its like this you mess around n eventually your going to get caught its not a matter of if just when.. so better use that brain:) good luck to you:) I have six kids and I have ages 20/10 so basically mostly all teenagers..
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 6:23 PM

I don't think you can spot a lie. I mean some kids can't lie to save their lives, but other kids can do it without thinking. I have a little of both.

If 2+2 is not equaling 4, I know it's time to dig a little further. Your DD is past the age where you should be spying on her. you should be actively talking and reiterating your expectations. Then when she is caught you call her out on it. IMO spying, only leads to more lying.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 10, 2012 at 11:33 AM

Instinct.....trust yours.    If you feel something is "off"....investigate.      

I am lucky in that regard.   One son can't lie to save his life...he will give himself away every time, usually by the sh*t eating grin on his face.     My other son simply does not lie.   He is nothing if not honest.  He does not hide or sugarcoat anything.   I may not always like his answers, but I know they are honest.

Also, I know my sons well.   I can tell by their body language when something is wrong. 

Barabell
by Barbara on Aug. 10, 2012 at 12:52 PM

It's hard. I agree with trusting your instincts and investigating when something seems off. My son usually won't look me in the face when he's lying.

Do you know why she started lying recently? Is there something more going on?

kaitybird
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 12:52 AM

WE handle it like everything else.  Consequences.  We have our daughter in counseling because she started making poor choices last year, lying and hanging with a not so good crowd.  She is otherwise a great kid but is capable of making bad choices.  Lying is NOT acceptable in our home and when caught she has to pay up.  We usually will find out more in depth things through her cell phone.  YES, we check her messages.  It is a privilege to have the cell phone and she is crossing the line with us so until she can be trusted we check.  We have told her no matter what we would like the truth and not a lie.  As things will go much better that way.  

We kind of sort of had the issue last night.  She didn't really lie to us but she wasn't completely honest with us either and upon reading her text's we got to the bottom of the issues and it is something that could have gone much worse than it really did.  

SissyAnn141
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 2:42 AM

 

 

                            I do see your side of things.

                      Given your age ( and I mean "NO DISRPECT)

                    I would hope, you understand, this "Generation".

                   They are not at all -like yours growing up.

                  I am almost 45, and they are different, then my generation.

                 LIEING, Watch, body Language.

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