Today things are a little better as my mom is getting help with her own emotional health and takes yoga and meditates to supplement her bi-weekly sessions with a counselor. My sister also sees a counselor bi-weekly and is prescribed to both anti- depressants and medicine for ADHD. But I don't believe she should even be on drugs, but my m insists that anything the doctors prescribe will be helpful. Summer was great as my mom and sister went to Dominican Republic where our family is from to get away from things and have the support from friends and family there. I missed them but it seemed as though their relationship and respective emotional healths improved.
Unfortunately since they've been back and since the school year has started things are spiraling out of control once more. My sister received an alcohol citation for drinking at a teen party, she's been caught sneaking out of the house at night, and we've already gotten calls from the vice principal about her skipping class. And then last night I got a call from my distraught mother saying my sister was talking about killing herself. I dropped my plans as I often do these days to rush home. My sister seemed down but we cuddled up with some stuffed animals, got some ice cream, and popped in a movie and soon enough she was asleep.
I am very anxious and frustrated with this situation. My mother looks to me to talk to my sister and even discipline her as their relationship is really bad. It's not that she's a bad mom, I just think she is tired. She had my sister when she was 42 years old and already had 2 older kids ( I was already 14 when my sister was born). My brother and I turned out fine, but my sister is such a handful. And it doesn't help that teachers and administrators call the house asking us to discipline her when we don't know what else to do. My sister's counselor doesn't seem that helpful as my siter refuses to talk to her half the time she goes there. And my dad is preoccupied with finding income that he is largely absent from these problems.
What else can we do? Who can we turn to for help? I share my own coping mechanisms with my sister (artistic pursuits, throwing myself into school or my job) but she doesnt seem interested in anything I tell her. I'm terribly afraid someone in my family is going to break.
Your advice or suggestions are deeply appreciated.
What are things that she enjoys? Encourage her along those lines.
As far as the meds, if they've been prescribed they are probably helping, but only if she's taking them. So, you might need to check (or have your mom check) to make sure she is taking them and not flushing them. However, sometimes meds need to be checked to make sure the dose is right and it can be trial and error finding the best meds so her doctor should still be involved in that stuff.
you go talk to mom and sister dr and say it aint working and get your dad involved itsnot your problem to handle by yourself they need new dr if they wont help you or your drive yourself crazy Maybe school can help you send sister to a school for troubled students ?
Your mom is putting you in a bad place with the whole situation. Could it possibly be that your sister is wanting attention?
If I were you I would go with your mom, dad, and sis to the doctor. Make sure the doc knows that sis is on meds for depression and ADHD since they can interfere with each other.
If your sister is not taking the meds, or not taking them as prescribed that can cause mood swings, etc. Also since she is not talking to her counselor ask her if there is someone she will talk to.
Hopefully all together your parents, your sister and the doctor can figure out what to do. Sounds like maybe mom needs meds for depression or menopause or both along with some help for your sister. Good Luck!
Quoting fantasticfour:Your mom is putting you in a bad place with the whole situation. Could it possibly be that your sister is wanting attention?
Have your mom and sister did conseling together? If not, they should and probably with a different counselor then either of them are currently seeing.
Your sister's current counselor doesn' t seem like a good fit. Does her school participate in any typr of studeny/employee assistance program? These programs offer free short term counseling for students, employees and families.
Does she have any responsiblilities outside of school? Are the expectations stated clearly at home. Maybe they need to be revisited and written down with rewards and consequences spelled out.
My daughter has had issues with depression for the last 3 years. Counseling and clearly stating expectations with the rewards and consequences (and following through with this) have really helped us. A friend had to committ her 17 year old for 6 months in order to get the girl's depression and anxiety under control. That is also an option but not one to be taken lightly. Good Luck
In response to amonkeymom - my sister used to be very into drawing, designing clothes, and other creative outlets. But it's been years since she's shown any interests for these things. Occasionally I see her sketching in her journal, but she I think she has mixed feelings about her journal these days as it was 'violated' by my mother earlier this year. My mother's excuse: my sister was out of control and she needed to closely monitor what she was doing. I don't agree with this - my privacy was (and still is) very important to me when I was a teenager, so I can see why my sister feels distrustful and reluctant (or unable?) to respect my mother after this.
I really think it comes down to mending their relationship. vlynn.iowa, your advice regarding my mother and sister get counseling together is very helpful! I think they really need to work on talking to each other. Since my mom was born and raised in a different country some things that American teenagers normally do are hard for her to accept. Also, if they talk more, there might be less reliance on me stepping in and facilitating their exchanges. And in that same note, sometimes I think it is unfair that she calls on me to help so often. But I would think it more unfair if she had to deal with this on her own. My father is (and always has been) physically there, but in a lot of ways absent from parenting, but that's a whole nother story.
Other advice I will take to heart, involves my sister's medication. I know my mom is monitoring when she takes it and that she takes it, so I don't think that is a problem. But I will suggest that her doctors consider changing the dose. Additionally, I do not think her counselor is a good fit if my sister does not feel comfortable talking to her. So I will definitely suggest to my mom that we find another provider. Finally, this idea of clearly stating responsibilities and consequences and rewards - I actually facilitated a whole "family meeting" a couple weeks ago in anticipation for the new school year doing just that. I pushed to get my sister the responsibility of getting to her SAT prep class in her own. We drew out consequences if she missed both SAT class and class at school. And I pushed for some pretty handsome rewards if she gets to all her classes and manages a descent GPA. We even wrote it up in a contract and had everyone sign it! But in the next couple days my sister was saying she didn't agree with the contract and didn't feel she needed to follow it! I was so confused because in my eyes the contract worked in her favor! But I guess my mistake was not letting her provide more input? I will push to try this again in the near future.
Thank you all again for your advice. I ve definitely came away with some ideas on how to handle the situation.
need ideas on activities to do together with my teens
Appropriate or Asking for trouble?
- Desdelapatria
on Sep. 8, 2012 at 10:48 AM