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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

How much privacy in dd room?

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 Ok,my daughter is 16 and I respect her privacy, yet when I stumble upon things likewine cooler bottles and "missing" items in her room, I feel I need to address that immediatly. Especially because she is already in counseling for depression and cutting. My counselor says that would break our trust because she would think I was snooping!!

I think I need a new counselor! I asked my dd if she had been drinking with her friends,or smoking pot and she of course said no.

Do you think I direspected her privacy. Oh and by the way I was only putting her clean clothes in her room,she didn't hide them too well,so I didn't dig through her stuff. Please tell me what you think.

Thanks Berta

by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Replies (11-20):
shamroc374
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:35 AM
I don't snoop in my 17 year old sons room. I do put laundry in there and he knows that if I see something that is laying out and it catches my interest it is fair game. He also knows that if he doesn't clean his room and I get aggrivated with it there is a good chance I will go in there while he is gone and clean everything out which means I will go through everything to clean and organize. If I find something I will ask him about it and let him explain it. I haven't found anything big yet so it has not really been a problem.
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fammatthews4
by Trisha on Sep. 18, 2012 at 4:50 AM
You didn't do anything wrong. You found something of concern while putting clothes in your daughters room, you did not snoop. Now you need to let her know what you found and how then set down consequences and boundaries. If it was me the door would probably be coming off of her room.
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Tink0711
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 4:54 AM
My dd (12) has total freedom in her room. She can close/lock her door, listen to music, whatever in there. If I were in your shoes though, I'd confront dd with what I found & drag her ass (along with the stuff I found or pics of it if it were illegal to carry it around) & say "see what I found all out in the open. Tell me I'm invading her privacy now, bitch". Then I'd "fire" the therapist & find another.
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nysa76
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 4:57 AM

If I feel the need, I look.  Get a new counseller.  My 17 yo doesn't have a door because of choices he's made.  He can earn it back with better choices.

spinmom13
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 5:11 AM
1 mom liked this

 Thanks everyone for your responses!! It helps knowing that I am not totally crazy.. I have talked to different authority people(law,counseling and some teachers) and believe that I had been right the entire time. Call it snooping, but I will do what I got to do!! All you ladies ROCK!!it means alot to have support and input. Thanks again Berta

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2012 at 10:44 AM

This....

Quoting fammatthews4:

You didn't do anything wrong. You found something of concern while putting clothes in your daughters room, you did not snoop. Now you need to let her know what you found and how then set down consequences and boundaries. If it was me the door would probably be coming off of her room.


MrsBLB
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 11:36 AM

I agree with all of the replies.  You are helping her help herself.  Hang in there and please let us know how y'all are doing.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Sep. 18, 2012 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

My kids don't have privacy and personally if my child was cutting I would be snooping ALOT just to make sure there wasn't anything they could use to cut themselves laying about the room. 

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Sep. 18, 2012 at 11:53 AM

 My daughters only one is a teen have NO privacy they expect NO privacy. This is my home not theirs if they want to keep tings private they should buy their own house. My kids trust I make good decisions not that I don't sneak around their room. That being said I don't sneak they know when I do a look around. I bring them in with me mostly its when I help clean their room. Maybe I am crazy but it seems if your daughter is already having problems this is the time to be on the watch and make sure she doesn't hurt herself or abuse drugs and alcohol. Also just a side note I would take all alcohol out of the house during this period to make sure she is not getting it. That is MHO :)

Playitagain
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this

My daugher has no privacy anymore... not after skipping school to have sex with a older boy and using her kindle for sexual based conversations on a social media website. When I say based I mean sexting with strangers and using it to in the end converse with this predator (which is what he's been deemed because 2 weeks after dh and I found out this 21 year old was caught at school picking up freshmen again).

Anyways, she also steals anyhting she can get, she sold my IPOD touch, for $20.... never got it back. I find all kinds of things in her room, including ciggerettes/ lighters, and more.... What makes me the most angry, she shares her room with 2 sisters (its a large room). One of them is 3 years old and thinks the world of my teen. 

There comes a point where the trust has been broken and therefore you have a right to protect your daughter from self destructive habits.

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