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How should I handle this?

Posted by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:50 AM
  • 12 Replies

I think of myself as being frugal, thrifty. I don't think cheap but maybe others would. lol We r having such trouble with our dd fitting in. We have found out that the small school we have her in (her 8th grade class has abt 130 in it) is mainly very wealthy families. It wasn't as apparent in the lower grades but now the past couple years, we really are seeing it. You would think that just because the parents are wealthy it wouldn't hit the kids but now in older years think they are picking up that they live in uppercrust & are really snobby abt it. We had problems with her wanting to hang with a couple real poor kids (it took us a while to find out it wasn't that they were poor) their parents were into drugs, tatoos, on & on. To make a long story short there was a lot of inappropriate stuff going on with boys (bad sexting, bad fb posts, etc). We had always thought just becuz the parents are seedy doesn't mean we should take it out on the kids, but then the kids started showing it. She is having such a hard time as she dresses in t-shirts & sports shorts, not shorty shorts & tight tops, etc which is good but the girls that she's trying to be around want to fix her up but she thinks she has to have namebrand clothes & we have bought her namebrand shoes for soccer & basketball & her one pair for school. I hate all this 'you are nothing if you don't have top of the line clothes' so we haven't bought her but just a few sportswear name brand and not even HIGH NAME BRANDS. We don't want her to be ostracised either. A girl wants to take her shopping for a shirt for the dance on Thursday (she wants $70) & then 2 other girls over to her house to do their hair, etc before the dance. It used to be when kids (us too when I was a kid) would say 'everyone is doing it/has it. Well, nowadays it IS true. How do you live in this world WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MINORITY??? I think we should just keep limits, but that is even hard. We don't live in a fancy house (under 250,000 but it's payed off), but I just don't want to give into this 'I'm nothing if I don't have what the others have, name brand, etc) not for me or my husband but our daughter. How does a person get through it???

by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:06 AM

My kids have always had a range. I don't believe in buying name brand for the sake of buying a name, but everyone like a treat now and then.

My oldest girl likes Levi's which in our area can be pricey. It's not really the name so much as the fit, so she get's one or 2 good pairs and then pairs it with some stuff from say Walmart or Target. My other DD is the opposite, she can pull of any jean so she wears whatever fits and is good priced but spends a little more on her shirts.

Also, second hand stores and consignment shops are great places to pick up the 'name' without picking up the price. What it sounds like is your daughter is hitting a new stage in her life, where her appearance is becoming important.

Give her a limit, take her shopping and help her navagate the stores. some of the stores have great sales and you can pick up stuff for next to nothing. Teach her to spend wisely while still trying to get the same look other kids have/want.

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:14 AM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

My kids have always had a range. I don't believe in buying name brand for the sake of buying a name, but everyone like a treat now and then.

My oldest girl likes Levi's which in our area can be pricey. It's not really the name so much as the fit, so she get's one or 2 good pairs and then pairs it with some stuff from say Walmart or Target. My other DD is the opposite, she can pull of any jean so she wears whatever fits and is good priced but spends a little more on her shirts.

Also, second hand stores and consignment shops are great places to pick up the 'name' without picking up the price. What it sounds like is your daughter is hitting a new stage in her life, where her appearance is becoming important.

Give her a limit, take her shopping and help her navagate the stores. some of the stores have great sales and you can pick up stuff for next to nothing. Teach her to spend wisely while still trying to get the same look other kids have/want.

No, that's the problem she refuses to go shopping with my husband & I for this top for the dance.  We did go this weekend & she went into 2 stores and said she didn't like anything. (Gordmans & Target). My dh & I said lets get out of here cuz she was acting like that.  She wants to only go shopping with a friend.  Is my kid the only one acting like this???

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:18 AM

So she is also looking for a little independence? I might be inclined to let her go, with some ground rules.

You take them, you hang out at the mall, but let them do their thing. Then you get final say, if you don't like the purchases you reserve the right to say no and have them taken back.

My kids love to shop...and it don't matter who takes them lol

Quoting cat4458:


Quoting luckysevenwow:

My kids have always had a range. I don't believe in buying name brand for the sake of buying a name, but everyone like a treat now and then.

My oldest girl likes Levi's which in our area can be pricey. It's not really the name so much as the fit, so she get's one or 2 good pairs and then pairs it with some stuff from say Walmart or Target. My other DD is the opposite, she can pull of any jean so she wears whatever fits and is good priced but spends a little more on her shirts.

Also, second hand stores and consignment shops are great places to pick up the 'name' without picking up the price. What it sounds like is your daughter is hitting a new stage in her life, where her appearance is becoming important.

Give her a limit, take her shopping and help her navagate the stores. some of the stores have great sales and you can pick up stuff for next to nothing. Teach her to spend wisely while still trying to get the same look other kids have/want.

No, that's the problem she refuses to go shopping with my husband & I for this top for the dance.  We did go this weekend & she went into 2 stores and said she didn't like anything. (Gordmans & Target). My dh & I said lets get out of here cuz she was acting like that.  She wants to only go shopping with a friend.  Is my kid the only one acting like this???


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Sep. 25, 2012 at 12:20 PM

You teach her to be self confident and proud of who she is....not what she has.   Having name brands, or being able to afford them does not make her a better person, or more likeable.   Popularity is not about money.    She needs to understand that.   If the other kids don't want to be her friends because she does not wear designer labels....than they aren't friends.    True friends will loan her a blouse for the dance, not ask her to buy one.     

Just because someone can afford to buy expensive things, does not mean they are willing to.   Just because someone has expensive things, does not mean they can afford them...it means they have credit.

sunflowers12
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 12:22 PM

yeah, went through this phase to when its mom and dads money they have know problems spending it, but once they get a job and learn how hard it is to make and how easy it is to spend they sure change their minds about what they want to pay for a out fit or what ever.. but man my dds and i have some knock downs about this issues.. so a really easy way you can address it is to get two pairs of the name brand jeans and a few shirt with in reason maybe for Christmas and shoes and alternate what she has.. just an idea its what we did...wink

sahlady
by Gold Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 12:27 PM

we live in an area that have VERY wealthy people.  when my daughter was about that age I gave her a set amount of money she could blow it on one name brand piece or get many off brand pieces.  sure enough she bought that name brand shirt (it was an orange and white stripped Abercrombie long sleeved shirt - Ill never forget it)  and she LOVED IT.  but she didnt have any other new clothes.

Now she is a senior in high school and hits the consignment stores first.


let me say this about the "rich" people we know... there are two types the ones who want to shove it in your face and look down on you... and the ones who simply have a lot of money but are normal everyday people.  If you teach her well she will gravitate to the normal kids who simply happen to be rich.  All is good.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:55 PM
Idk, if it's for a dance or special occasion I don't think I would have a problem getting a little bit nicer top than Target? We live in a wealthy area too, but many of the kids, my dd included are happy to wear flip flops from Old Navy to school but to a dance? I would let her splurge a little, but that's just me.
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Jessiejack
by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this
My DD has almost all name brand. And not once did I spend more than $10 on any one item. She is very hippy so jeans can be a problem. For a short time she could shop Aero. And I did. Clearance racks. Again never over $10 an item. This year she found Calvin klines that she loved. They fit her to a T. I looked at every store and online and they start at $80 so we hit the salvation army and she got 3 pairs for $25 dollars. I save the big items for the birthdays and holidays. She really wanted Uggs $100+ but settled on bear paws $50 still name brand for Christmas last year. I have also gone as far as getting old Uggs that someone was throwing way, taking the label off and putting it on a non name brand. The kids don't know the difference. The key is to make your self look "rich" with what you have. It has to do more with the way you hold yourself. Teach her to look strong by holding her head up and walking tall. Even a homeless person can look "rich" if they look strong.
cat4458
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM

yes, you are right about rich people.  Wish more of these were the GOOD kind you are talking about and I know a FEW.  I think it's worse that way in the past 10 yrs, I've noticed w/people who are wealthy. I just need to work more on our dd teaching clothes are important but DON'T MAKE A PERSON.

Quoting sahlady:

we live in an area that have VERY wealthy people.  when my daughter was about that age I gave her a set amount of money she could blow it on one name brand piece or get many off brand pieces.  sure enough she bought that name brand shirt (it was an orange and white stripped Abercrombie long sleeved shirt - Ill never forget it)  and she LOVED IT.  but she didnt have any other new clothes.

Now she is a senior in high school and hits the consignment stores first.

 

let me say this about the "rich" people we know... there are two types the ones who want to shove it in your face and look down on you... and the ones who simply have a lot of money but are normal everyday people.  If you teach her well she will gravitate to the normal kids who simply happen to be rich.  All is good.


drfink
by Emily on Sep. 26, 2012 at 10:05 AM

We are very fortunate but that doesn't mean endless supply of money for clothes.We learned to give our daughter a clothing allowance .It would go back if was inappropriate and I covered church ,homecoming/dance type stuff and coats but the rest came out of her clothing allowance.She had a stumble or two where she spent ,we thought ,too much on something but that was her issue.She will soon be 22 and is at college and dresses great.Her outfits are often a mish mash of places.Something great that might have been  somewhat expensive with something great she found on sale at  XXI or Target.She is  5'2 and slender  so she has been known to buy in a kids dept .Some stuff fits,looks great and is cheaper.

Sometimes I think it was best for our budget to have 1 girl and 3 boys ...I think she has more clothes than all three boys put  together...lol

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