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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

How to help myself on this one

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:13 AM
  • 20 Replies

OK, 16 year old son WAS doing good in school.  He's now failing one class with a D in another.  The HONOR STUDENT.  ALL HONOR COURSES.  Why is he Failing Math?  Because he forgets to add the negative sign or some other simple little item.  Not beacuse he doesn't understand it.  And the D?  Well when you're only given 1 assignment a week and you screwed up on one, well what do you expect?  Now he's at his sister's throat constantly trying to piss her off.

14 year old daughter has been grounded FOREVER.  I ended up putting a parenting app on her cell and gave it back.  She found away around it, turned it off and was bragging to her friends.  I took it and put it on the counter with a note saying why I took it.  What did she do?  She picked it up before she went to school.  She is constantly nasty, horrible to both me and her brother, and is just mean and hateful to everyone.  Honor student, dropped to Cs, why? "I don't know"

12 year old daughter, Brought grades up from last year, acing everything, social butterfly, friendly, helpful and caring. 

Me, at my wits end.  I am so tired of the fighting, arguing and bickering going on.  I have decided that they aren't allowed to do it in the house.  I informed them of it.  They did it anyways and I locked them outside (one in pjs) to work it out.  Let them in an hour later. They fight before school, after school, after supper,  before bed, ALL the time.  About stupid crap.  He had the sponge I wanted.  I wanted to wipe off the counters and not her, etc.  Geez! 

What can I do to just settle myself down?  I am getting so down that I can't sleep.  I just want my family back to normal.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BelleVernonGirl
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:37 AM

I have twin girls who are now 16 and still argue little bit, but when they turned 11 it started and it was bad....CONSTANT and about EVERYTHING...I thought for sure I would loose my mind... and one day it just stopped...took 5 years but it did stop...I have no advice for you...GOOD LUCK!!!

02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:52 AM

 I under stand the grade thing with the 16 year old.  I had a teacher that did the one grade a week thing and it sucked because it was usually an extra hard assignment and if you failed your grade really dropped.  The math thing I have done the same thing with the signs and it was because I was distracted.

The 14 year old sounds like she is testing her boundries I suggest you be consistant and write a contract showing the punishment for each rule broken.  Both sign it and stick with it EVERY TIME.

Enjoy the 12 year old and try to relax they will grow up and these bad times won't last forever.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 3, 2012 at 1:05 AM
I agree with the advice on the 14 year old and 12 year old. However with the 16 year old does he want to go to a 4 year college? Just curious because it sounds like he's a smart kid, in honors, ect and I think I remember a few of your other posts. As far as practical advice for him academically not to sound harsh but if he wants to go to a 4 year college out of HS get him out of the honors classes ASAP.Even if he is smart enough to handle them for whatever reason he's not. This is what his jr year? For college transcripts this is one time in life he HAS to bring grades up no choice. If he's thinking about community college he has much more time and leeway. As far as his behavior I would set boundaries as you are doing and not put up with the behavior in the house. I like how you had the two of them work it out together outside. Good luck

Quoting 02nana07:

 I under stand the grade thing with the 16 year old.  I had a teacher that did the one grade a week thing and it sucked because it was usually an extra hard assignment and if you failed your grade really dropped.  The math thing I have done the same thing with the signs and it was because I was distracted.


The 14 year old sounds like she is testing her boundries I suggest you be consistant and write a contract showing the punishment for each rule broken.  Both sign it and stick with it EVERY TIME.


Enjoy the 12 year old and try to relax they will grow up and these bad times won't last forever.

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Barabell
by Barbara on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:43 AM

I don't know. I feel down this week too.

I think we both need a break/vacation from our lives for awhile...LOL

Sorry, and hugs.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:29 AM

Teenagers fight, and I learned long ago to just stay out of it. My interference, no matter how well intended only made matters worse. The harder I tried to make them get along, the harder they fought.

Now if it got physical, as it did with my girls a few times, I did step in. My boys never got physical, rarely fought with each other, but if a girl was around they would argue and fight with them. 

As one poster said, one day it just stopped, they rarely fight anymore and if they do it is usually a legitimate argument and worked out in a much nicer way.


My suggestion...ear plugs? I am the queen of tuning them out, but I have had years of practice :)

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:38 AM

I understand the grades too.  I know where he's going wrong and all.  As for the 14 year old, we made a contract at the beginning of summer, yeah she didn't care.  Still grounded.  Still has nothing.

Just need to learn how to be better to myself during all of this.

Quoting 02nana07:

 I under stand the grade thing with the 16 year old.  I had a teacher that did the one grade a week thing and it sucked because it was usually an extra hard assignment and if you failed your grade really dropped.  The math thing I have done the same thing with the signs and it was because I was distracted.

The 14 year old sounds like she is testing her boundries I suggest you be consistant and write a contract showing the punishment for each rule broken.  Both sign it and stick with it EVERY TIME.

Enjoy the 12 year old and try to relax they will grow up and these bad times won't last forever.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:41 AM

The college he wants to go to needs him in those honor courses so he can get the scholarships and financial aide.  Other than that, it's not going to be long before they kick him out.  He has to maintain a b average in order to stay in.  He refuses to drop the courses, swears he can bring up the grade.  He's a sophmore by the way.

Thanks, I can't stand it anymore and they can duke it out outside!  He gets this way with the sister and stays this way for a while when he does.  I simply cannot believe that he is being like this again.  AND he tells me "at least the dog loves me" and "You never yell at Z for anything" and "How come Z doesn't ever get into trouble?"  Ummm really?  Where has he been the last two months?

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree with the advice on the 14 year old and 12 year old. However with the 16 year old does he want to go to a 4 year college? Just curious because it sounds like he's a smart kid, in honors, ect and I think I remember a few of your other posts. As far as practical advice for him academically not to sound harsh but if he wants to go to a 4 year college out of HS get him out of the honors classes ASAP.Even if he is smart enough to handle them for whatever reason he's not. This is what his jr year? For college transcripts this is one time in life he HAS to bring grades up no choice. If he's thinking about community college he has much more time and leeway. As far as his behavior I would set boundaries as you are doing and not put up with the behavior in the house. I like how you had the two of them work it out together outside. Good luck

Quoting 02nana07:

 I under stand the grade thing with the 16 year old.  I had a teacher that did the one grade a week thing and it sucked because it was usually an extra hard assignment and if you failed your grade really dropped.  The math thing I have done the same thing with the signs and it was because I was distracted.


The 14 year old sounds like she is testing her boundries I suggest you be consistant and write a contract showing the punishment for each rule broken.  Both sign it and stick with it EVERY TIME.


Enjoy the 12 year old and try to relax they will grow up and these bad times won't last forever.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:43 AM

Wish I could tune them out.  They wake me from a dead sleep (insomniac, hubby gets up in the morning with them) fighting.  Instant bad mood for me.  I'm called Grumpy for a reason, and I am not a morning person.  So sick and tired of it all.  I just need to move out for a week or something.

I have half a mind of doing that.  Taking me, hubby and the little one with me, let them stay at home and work it all out.  Get their stuff done.  Since they are all grown up and all.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Teenagers fight, and I learned long ago to just stay out of it. My interference, no matter how well intended only made matters worse. The harder I tried to make them get along, the harder they fought.

Now if it got physical, as it did with my girls a few times, I did step in. My boys never got physical, rarely fought with each other, but if a girl was around they would argue and fight with them. 

As one poster said, one day it just stopped, they rarely fight anymore and if they do it is usually a legitimate argument and worked out in a much nicer way.


My suggestion...ear plugs? I am the queen of tuning them out, but I have had years of practice :)


AmyK1227
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Hi there!!!

I feel your pain!  I have one teen who's sixteen a boy and a son who's eleven and s six yr old girl.  They do have their bickering moments.  Esp the oldest messing around with the eleven yr old...but it doesn't go on for long.  My problem is mostly with the schools and their education right now.  My oldest has Aspergers and so has always had social problems.  We had to move due to losing our home and the new school district is not what he likes.  The seats are too small or he doesn't like the kids.  So I applied him online to a school.  If he doesn't do that and get his credits he can go out and get a job.  I'm sick of nagging with him and he's sixteen!!! 

The eleven year old has ADD and anxiety, dyslexia.  He's really having a hard time adjusting to the new school.  Get daily emails from the teachers saying he's rolling his eyes, has an attitude or not doing his work.  I've also tried taking privileges away.  I think he's adjusting they think he's a behavior problem.  I just got off the phone with the principal so I hope it helps.

My daughter doesn't have a phone yet and I'm putting that off as long as possible!!! 

My suggestion would be maybe try to ignore it and see what happens.  Maybe it's more for attention than anything else.  Kids are frustrating sometimes.  It's stressful being a parent.  Do something for yourself, take a bubble bath, go work out or get a massage or maybe buy something nice for yourself.  That always helps me.  

Hope this helps some.....

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:48 AM

Oh yeah, I've been woken from sleeping a time or two to fighting. It NEVER puts anyone in a good mood. 

One time I had been having a really hard time with one of my babies, long night the whole nine yards. Finally got the baby to sleep and I hear screaming, full out yelling as I get up they are having a fist fight...they are very lucky I didn't beat the tar out of them. It took everything I had to not. They even woke the baby, that was one of the times I stripped their room and took all their beauty supplies.

Quoting fantasticfour:

Wish I could tune them out.  They wake me from a dead sleep (insomniac, hubby gets up in the morning with them) fighting.  Instant bad mood for me.  I'm called Grumpy for a reason, and I am not a morning person.  So sick and tired of it all.  I just need to move out for a week or something.

I have half a mind of doing that.  Taking me, hubby and the little one with me, let them stay at home and work it all out.  Get their stuff done.  Since they are all grown up and all.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Teenagers fight, and I learned long ago to just stay out of it. My interference, no matter how well intended only made matters worse. The harder I tried to make them get along, the harder they fought.

Now if it got physical, as it did with my girls a few times, I did step in. My boys never got physical, rarely fought with each other, but if a girl was around they would argue and fight with them. 

As one poster said, one day it just stopped, they rarely fight anymore and if they do it is usually a legitimate argument and worked out in a much nicer way.


My suggestion...ear plugs? I am the queen of tuning them out, but I have had years of practice :)



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