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Advice Needed: My daughter is not being honest with her therapist about...

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My daughter is not being honest with her therapist about what's going on with her. She doesn't talk with me or her dad either. I don't know what else to do. Any advice?

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:17 PM
Replies (21-21):
marthamom
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

Very well said . . . and very respectful.

Quoting BrennaLyons:

No offense, but let me see if I have this right. You are sending your daughter to therapy, because she has friends who are gay? Or perhaps because she's lesbian or bi herself? Sorry, but therapy will not change that, and what the therapists are telling her is perfectly in line with what they can realistically say to her. Even many of the ex-gay ministries have backed away from the idea of converting gay and lesbian people to straight in the last few years. Any responsible therapist won't try to change sexual preferences, and if they perceive her friends are a support network she would feel lost without, they are unlikely to take that away either, because that leads to teen suicide. They'll try and get her to deal with you and talk to you.

Much as you might not want to hear this, you're setting yourself up to lose your daughter. If you don't accept what she is or who her friends are, and she's already lying to you to avoid the confrontations, there is a breaking point. The fact that she's lying to you and continuing to see her friends means that you will almost definitely be on the losing side of this battle. The fact that her therapist feels the need to remind her she has to put up with your values for a couple of years means she's already decided that she won't be following them when she legally has a choice in how to live her life.

Your values will not necessarily be her values. I'm not arguing whether yours are better or worse than hers are. I'm talking human nature here. She is 16. She is making decisions which will lead her into adulthood. You cannot CONTROL those choices entirely. Not at this age. You can keep bringing the hammer down, and she's going to keep fighting it.

Know what comes of that? Not talking to your parent for 26 years of your life after being legally allowed to run away from home at 18. That is my life, at this moment. It's an apt description of it. Just for your information...I don't regret not speaking to my BM for that long. I don't know if she regrets the fact that all her kids hate her or not. My brother makes occasional inroads toward trying to deal with her, but it never lasts long, because no matter how she feels about it, she still hasn't learned a lesson about where it gets her.

Knowing this information, I really feel family therapy is a good thing. It may be the only way you learn to communicate effectively with your child.



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