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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

i just don't understand...vent perhaps?

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:39 PM
  • 12 Replies

dh and i have been battling with his dd over school and grades since, well forever...the standing rule in our home is this, you must at least hold a C average in order to be able to do anything over the weekend....(the C average is dh's idea, not mine...sd16 (nearly 17) is very smart I think she should and can do A/B work..but that's another story)

dh is working today, actually he was called out to work...and sd looks at me and asks "so this gives us all day to do whatever we want, what ___ do you want to do today?", hinting that she wanted to go to the mall or the movies...I told her, well looking at your grades today and with 12 days left of the quarter, i think you should be hitting the books, reading the chapter(s) that you're working on in class , take notes, answer the questions in the back of the chapter(s) and know what's going on...so you can get your grades up to an acceptable level, and you can do things on the weekend.."..

now heres the issue, SHE knows what is expected of her, she wrote an action plan of what she needs to do in order to maintain a C average,(and its hanging on our refridgerator) so she can go and do whatever she wishes to do...This is the 3rd weekend in a row that she has brought her books home, and they sit on her desk till Monday morning...she will sit on her butt and watch tv, talk on the phone, skype, facebook, xbox etc all weekend, but wont and can't be bothered to open a flipping book and learn something, to get ahead, to achieve a C average....(the technology thing is a HUGE issue with me, but dh wont take them...his reasoning is if she is satisfied with not doing anything other than talking on technology, then it's her issue, not mine)....so there she sits on the couch across from me, with her phone and ipod texting lord knows who and facebooking..and there she will sit/lounge all weekend long doing the exact same thing.....it's horribly frustrating...

ahhhh vent over, 

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
drfink
by Emily on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:56 PM

That is very frustrating.

It is time for her to face her consequences as frustrating as that may be for you..Does she talk about college ?Perhaps run a check on universities that will accept her with her current G.P.. and show them to her.By soph year any zeros will lose a privilege but other than that it is their choice.If we force studying on them now  in late high school how will they learn to self motivate.When they are away at school we are not there to monitor day to day work habits.This is how we approached our older two,they were very good high school students (could have been better )`and better college students.As important as high school is our goal  for them is  to succeed at college.To do that they have to be self motivated and monitoring.

I feel your pain .We had a couple of bumps ,a suprised reaction...SMH...about the resulting grade before they stayed on path.

Good luck

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh man, tough with you and hubs aren't on the same page.  I would have the stuff taken away from her until she gets it done.  Or at least designate an hour or two a day on the weekends she's not up to par on to study and do work.

nsparky1964
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:18 PM
Last year she was grounded from everything vrod the entire 2nd semester...had the chance to go south for Christmas break to visit family friends but cancelled night before BC grades posted she had 3D's...spring break a chance to go to Florida same thing...also was grounded from technology and to the house couldn't go anyplace at all...even if dh and I went to the local pizza joint or Chinese place....it did no good....she "WANTS" to be a vet but with a GPA of 1.19/4.0 she couldn't even get into a community college if she tried...she's a junior now, and doesn't care about anything.....
she just showed me a pair of cowboy boots she wants...I told her if she can get straight C's in 2wk left in the quarter, I'd buy them for her..and her dad also told her the same thing..now you would think this would motivate her to go into her room and open a flipping book, but nah, she's surfing the web....oh well, guess she won't be getting those either...


Quoting fantasticfour:

Oh man, tough with you and hubs aren't on the same page.  I would have the stuff taken away from her until she gets it done.  Or at least designate an hour or two a day on the weekends she's not up to par on to study and do work.


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BelleVernonGirl
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:45 PM

Well I'm a single mom so I get no help with raising the kids...My philosophy is this...Its' your life.  If you choose to be lazy and screw around your not hurting anyone but yourself.  I will not give myself high blood pressure b/c my kids are lazy.  My girls keep up pretty well on their own usually.  Sometimes being harped on makes it worse for them.

nsparky1964
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 6:27 PM
I just don't understand...I guess its true when they say, can't put a new head on old shoulders....she is just so brilliant, so pheominal she doest see her potential, and its horribly frustrating....
In our family going to school is your job..if you want a second one, paying one OK, but grades have to be at this level...period!... before she got a job this summer, we've been fighting the same grade fight...I call it fight #134


Quoting drfink:

That is very frustrating.

It is time for her to face her consequences as frustrating as that may be for you..Does she talk about college ?Perhaps run a check on universities that will accept her with her current G.P.. and show them to her.By soph year any zeros will lose a privilege but other than that it is their choice.If we force studying on them now  in late high school how will they learn to self motivate.When they are away at school we are not there to monitor day to day work habits.This is how we approached our older two,they were very good high school students (could have been better )`and better college students.As important as high school is our goal  for them is  to succeed at college.To do that they have to be self motivated and monitoring.

I feel your pain .We had a couple of bumps ,a suprised reaction...SMH...about the resulting grade before they stayed on path.

Good luck


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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:58 PM

Obviously, she is content to stay home and talk to her friends via techno gadgets.   Her father is also okay with it.    Taking away her freedom to go out isn't working, as you know.    You have to hit the kid where it hurts, and your DH is unwilling to rock her world...(take all electronics, beauty supplies and her bedroom door)  So, you need to just quit worrying about it, imo.   Don't let it get you down.   Spend your day as you like.....that is what she is doing.

PurpleHazey
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:06 PM


Quoting drfink:

That is very frustrating.

It is time for her to face her consequences as frustrating as that may be for you..Does she talk about college ?Perhaps run a check on universities that will accept her with her current G.P.. and show them to her.By soph year any zeros will lose a privilege but other than that it is their choice.If we force studying on them now  in late high school how will they learn to self motivate.When they are away at school we are not there to monitor day to day work habits.This is how we approached our older two,they were very good high school students (could have been better )`and better college students.As important as high school is our goal  for them is  to succeed at college.To do that they have to be self motivated and monitoring.

I feel your pain .We had a couple of bumps ,a suprised reaction...SMH...about the resulting grade before they stayed on path.

Good luck

good advice

PurpleHazey
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:07 PM


Quoting fantasticfour:

Oh man, tough with you and hubs aren't on the same page.  I would have the stuff taken away from her until she gets it done.  Or at least designate an hour or two a day on the weekends she's not up to par on to study and do work.

I agree

drfink
by Emily on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:30 PM

Yup here also .School is their job.No one works other than home type chores.Sometimes I think...haha I know mine like to indulge in it will all work out magical thinking.My oldest missed automatic acceptance into his #1 choice by 1 percent.He was in the 11th percentile of his class.He didn't listen to anyone ,he scored phenomenally well on the PSATs ,SATs and ACTs and thought no problem and slacked.Ha was he in for a shock.75 %of the entering freshman class was filled by top 10 %.He had to wait for his letter...then he was very ,very nervous.Most of his friends had automatic acceptance ,he was so stressed.Bad mom here but I was ok with him having to wait  and stress.It was good for him to see what can happen with magical thinking.He did get in but it was a long wait for him.

Good luck.

Quoting nsparky1964:

I just don't understand...I guess its true when they say, can't put a new head on old shoulders....she is just so brilliant, so pheominal she doest see her potential, and its horribly frustrating....
In our family going to school is your job..if you want a second one, paying one OK, but grades have to be at this level...period!... before she got a job this summer, we've been fighting the same grade fight...I call it fight #134


Quoting drfink:

That is very frustrating.

It is time for her to face her consequences as frustrating as that may be for you..Does she talk about college ?Perhaps run a check on universities that will accept her with her current G.P.. and show them to her.By soph year any zeros will lose a privilege but other than that it is their choice.If we force studying on them now  in late high school how will they learn to self motivate.When they are away at school we are not there to monitor day to day work habits.This is how we approached our older two,they were very good high school students (could have been better )`and better college students.As important as high school is our goal  for them is  to succeed at college.To do that they have to be self motivated and monitoring.

I feel your pain .We had a couple of bumps ,a suprised reaction...SMH...about the resulting grade before they stayed on path.

Good luck



tyfry7496
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:45 PM
I agree. My son knows if he doesn't go to college, he's out of my house when he turns 18. I'm not supporting him if he can't help himself. He can see how hard it is to live in $7.25 an hour.

Quoting BelleVernonGirl:

Well I'm a single mom so I get no help with raising the kids...My philosophy is this...Its' your life.  If you choose to be lazy and screw around your not hurting anyone but yourself.  I will not give myself high blood pressure b/c my kids are lazy.  My girls keep up pretty well on their own usually.  Sometimes being harped on makes it worse for them.

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