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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Teen who won't socialize outside of school

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:41 AM
  • 54 Replies

My daughter, who will be 16 years old in November, does not contact any of her friends outside of school. I worry that she will become a recluse and have no friends. The kids at school seem to like her and always say hi to her when they see her. However, no one ever calls her to do anything. Nor does she call anyone else to do anything.

How do I help her to develop friendships outside of school without me arranging "playdates" for her? Or do I just leave it alone and let her figure it out?

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:44 AM
Has she always been this way. My girls always socialized out of school.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:44 AM

is she bothered by it?

was she social when she was younger?

marthamom
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:47 AM

She's never been a big socializer, however she has gotten less social as she has gotten older.

Quoting atlmom2:

Has she always been this way. My girls always socialized out of school.


marthamom
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:49 AM

It doesn't seem like she is bothered by it. She keeps telling me she hates people, however when she gets together with a friend and does something she has a good time.

Quoting sahlady:

is she bothered by it?

was she social when she was younger?


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Encourage her to invite a friend or two to do something....maybe a mani-pedi, a movie or a concert?    Have you asked her why she doesn't socialize?    Maybe she is afraid of rejection, or maybe she just has nothing in common with kids outside of school.

My oldest son was very social until halfway through High school.   I found out, much later, that the reason he distanced himself from his buddies was they only wanted to party, and he did not.  




greenmommo
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:59 AM
Well, my dd is the same, but she has Aspergers, so I don't know that my advice for that would be applicable.

With Aspergers, you worry about quality-not quantity. You work on developing 1 or 2 friendships. It doesn't occur to her to call or ask people to do things, and it has to be a common interest. So we say "do you want to invite Anderson to go swimming" etc.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:07 PM
3 moms liked this

well if all is with in a normal range for her... meaning she has the ability but chooses not to, and she is not depressed... then perhaps that is simply who she is.


Quoting marthamom:

She's never been a big socializer, however she has gotten less social as she has gotten older.

Quoting atlmom2:

Has she always been this way. My girls always socialized out of school.



hollydaze1974
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
you kind of have to leave her alone.....maybe she's just a homebody. There is nothing wrong with that. My son is and all birthday parties are just family because he "forgets" to invite friends or doesn't get thier info on time .(he could, easily...but doesn't)
I was the same way....I preferred to read on friday nite instead of "cruising" the strip. My parents were worried about me, too. I did have a best friend within walking distance, she'e the only one I talked to/hung out with regularly. Good Uck, but she's probably fine (unless you are seeing depressive symptoms)
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tyfry7496
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:22 PM
I agree. My son and I both would rather stay home. It's just who we are.

Quoting sahlady:

well if all is with in a normal range for her... meaning she has the ability but chooses not to, and she is not depressed... then perhaps that is simply who she is.


Quoting marthamom:

She's never been a big socializer, however she has gotten less social as she has gotten older.


Quoting atlmom2:

Has she always been this way. My girls always socialized out of school.



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jurnee14
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:56 PM

my younger daughter mainly just hung around with one friend when she was in hs, they usually just hung out at one anothers house or went shopping. Her senior yr she started adding more people to her circle of friends, and started dating. She was happy, she was just more of a homebody.

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