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trouble in paradise

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My daughter has been away at college for six weeks now (she's a freshman).  She's 2,000 plus miles away and I miss her terribly.  The one thing that was making it better for me was knowing she was happy.  Well, today I talked to her and she was very stressed.  She's sharing a dorm room with three other girls.  They all have beds and their closets in one room and have a small attached room for their desks and a "kitchenette". They also share a bathroom.  From what my daughter is telling me, two of the girls are complete slobs and aren't cleaning anything or cleaning up after themselves.  She went home for the weekend with the roommate that she's closest to.  When they came back today, dirty dishes were stacked in the sink.  One bowl had black mold growing in it.  She said that she and her tidy roommate have asked for the others to clean their dishes right away but it's not happening.  So, she's cleaning up and trying to just let it go to avoid a confrontation.  I told her that I didn't think it was good to let it go because eventually the frustration she's feeling would build up. I suggested that she either write a note and nicely remind them to clean their dishes after they use them or talk to them again and let them know just how much the dirty dishes are stressing her out.  I hope this was good advice.  Any other suggestions?   I realize that working out these situations is part of growing up and learning to live with people but I wish she wasn't dealing with this right now.  She has to have a 3.5 to be in her program and already has enough to deal with at the moment.  She actually likes all her roommates despite the two being inconsiderate and messy so I hope they resolve this soon so she can concentrate on her studies.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:39 AM
Replies (11-16):
annie2244
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:40 PM


Quoting cege:

 

Quoting atlmom2:


On my dd's form you have to pick 1-10, one being a slob and 10 being OCD clean.  My dd put a 5, LOL!!!  Al the questions had 1-10 answers. 

My daughter had a similar form and she put herself at a 7 for neatness.  If I were filling it out I would have given her a 3 or 4.  There were times I couldn't see her floor because of all the clothes on it.  Apparantly she has a different standard when it comes to dirty dishes ; )   

That's a hoot. Maybe colleges should switch to a more objective self assessment, such as: the average number of items on my bedroom floor at any one time is: 0-3, 4-8, 9+.  The avg number of dishes I have left about the house at any one time is 0-1, 2-5, 6+. The frequency I would prefer my bathroom cleaned is: > once/wk, once/wk, once every 2 wks, > every 2 wks. (can you tell I manage research?)

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:55 PM

above the sink a piece of paper with the words typed in bold print should say "Please clean up after yourself and do your own dishes!"  Or it might sound childish, but your daughter needs to use her own dishes and clean them up when she's done and put them in a container under her bed or in her "room".  If there are dirty dishes in the sink that are not your daughter's (and she needs to use the sink) than she needs to put them in a box and put them on the bed of her roommates.  When they dont want to see or smell the dirty dishes than they will clean them.  Same with if they dump clothes on the floor, your daughter needs to pick them up and dump them on the bed of who's ever they are. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:29 PM

I'm sure your DD will work it out.    4 girls in one tiny space.....I can't even imagine!




02nana07
by Ida on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:52 PM

 I am sure they can work it out if they get along other than the mess.

cege
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:40 PM

That's a hoot. Maybe colleges should switch to a more objective self assessment, such as: the average number of items on my bedroom floor at any one time is: 0-3, 4-8, 9+.  The avg number of dishes I have left about the house at any one time is 0-1, 2-5, 6+. The frequency I would prefer my bathroom cleaned is: > once/wk, once/wk, once every 2 wks, > every 2 wks. (can you tell I manage research?)

Hahaha, that's hilarious.  Love it!

FindersKeepers
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:11 AM

Well... I am sure this will not be the advised way but it was certainly effective.  

My sister and I had a roommate that was a disgusting slob.  Never took out trash, loaded the fridge with take-out leftovers spilled over and molded to no end, never did dishes or even rinsed them... I know exactly what your DD is talking about since a half eaten moldy cereal bowl was the breaking point.   Anyhow, after MONTHS of asking our roommate to clean up after herself and ME doing it... my sister and I emptied all of the nasty take out containers into a trash bag and put them in her room.   And took all of the many weeks worth of dirty dishes and stacked them in her bathroom sink.   Then cleaned the rest of the kitchen to spic and span. 

Roommate was pissed, but neither of us engaged her.   It was her mess that I had been cleaning for months and after 3 weeks of being on strike waiting for her to do it herself... that was what happened.   When she came out of her room yelling I just said "Well it seemed like you were saving it.   I have company coming over so we figured your room was a good place to put your stuff."  She cleaned it up and was much cleaner after that.

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