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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Need some advice

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:13 AM
  • 16 Replies

I just found out today that my teen son (17) had sex with his girlfriend (16) who now might be pregnant. Apparently she went to a clinic and took a test that came back negative. However, she's been experiencing symptoms- but has also had cramping and light bleeding. She's going to see a doctor for blood tests, etc... But this is freaking me out and I know that I can't freak out in front of my son, who has no idea that I have found out.

I plan to sit down with him and have a talk, but I am having so much trouble accepting all of this. This is not the life that I wanted for him. He is so smart and has such a bright future and I just feel like this is going to make things SO hard for him. It breaks my heart.

How do I keep it together and help him, without showing him how angry and disappointed I feel inside? I know that it's critical for me to be there for him, to support him and love him. It's just so hard to contain the urge to scream at him.

I need advice- how did others handle this?

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:22 AM
Its ok to let him know you are disappointed.
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JCat13
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I just don't want to make it about me and I feel like I'm going to completely lose it on him. I don't want to push him away- he is really going to need me and his dad right now.

MrsBLB
by Missi on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:54 AM

Just be there for him.  Keep the lines of communication open.  Give him a chance to tell you and be honest with him.  I hope it all turns out well.

JCat13
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:05 PM

Just hearing some friendly supportive words is helping. I think I blame myself more than him- even though I know how unrealistic that is. I'm his Mom.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:48 PM
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 Keep it as cool, calm and rational as poss I know it's tough. MY DS and his GF of 3 years had a scare once and both were seniors, serious about college, I wasw freaking out inside! What was good about the whole thing was my DS and GF did the responsible thing after we all talked and his GF went in they are now both on a solid BC plan to get them through college with NO pregnancy scares. Also our communication is still wide open. These things happen. Hang in there, my advice, don't freak out, will make both of them shut down, they may need your help to come up with a plan so this never happens again.

FindersKeepers
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

My advice would be to talk to him... and stay calm.   If it were my son, my focus would be on making him realize that he made an adult choice with adult consequences.  He now has the responsibilty to step up and act like a man.   Meaning he should be there for his GF for all of this.  Not bail like so many other teen boys when this happens. 

Like the first poster said, it is okay for you to be disappointed in him.   I would say "I love you and I wish for you both that you didn't make this decision.   But what's done is done and we need to take the steps to do the right things now.... "    Hopefully this is just a scare and they will have the chance to be better with birth control after.   No matter how you are feeling, him and his girlfriend did this to themselves and they will have the worst of the consequences.   So be loving and supportive. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:22 PM

What talk are you planning on having with him?  The sex talk should have been done long ago.  As far as the pregnancy, usually if the clinic tests you and your negative, then your negative.  With the spotting, sounds like she isn't pregnant but I can't be sure.  I would definately want the doctor to tell me if she was instead of taking the chance that she's just trying to entrap him.

annie2244
by Silver Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:57 PM

I'd show him how angry and disappointed you are, while being loving but factual and clear that he is making decisions that he will bear the consequences of. You will always be there to sympathesize, and to help him problem solve, but his consequences are his. If he has sex even with 2 forms of protection, there is always a risk of getting pregnant, and a risk that the girl will want to have the child. Which would mean his life would dramatically change, with financial, time, emotional obligations which will impact his choices for school, career, future romantic relationships. Having sex in high school is understandable from the desire point of view, and stupid from the risk to his future point of view. And what is more important? He spins the roulette wheel EVERY time he has sex.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:54 PM
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Quoting FindersKeepers:

My advice would be to talk to him... and stay calm.   If it were my son, my focus would be on making him realize that he made an adult choice with adult consequences.  He now has the responsibilty to step up and act like a man.   Meaning he should be there for his GF for all of this.  Not bail like so many other teen boys when this happens. 

Like the first poster said, it is okay for you to be disappointed in him.   I would say "I love you and I wish for you both that you didn't make this decision.   But what's done is done and we need to take the steps to do the right things now.... "    Hopefully this is just a scare and they will have the chance to be better with birth control after.   No matter how you are feeling, him and his girlfriend did this to themselves and they will have the worst of the consequences.   So be loving and supportive. 

I agree.    He is going to need your support....I'm sure he is stressed out.




luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 12:40 AM
So she's had negative test? Then don't jump the gun until there is a positive. If negative have the talk again and remind him to put a condom on. If its positive move forward and be there for him. What's done is done.
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