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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Help Please!! Moms with Teens....

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 7:46 PM
  • 15 Replies

So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?

by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 7:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 8:24 PM
1 mom liked this

The teens haven't changed but society has our teens have to much put on them in today's world and it is hindering their growing. All I hear is they have to learn to take responsibility's for there own actions, I mean look at it this way they are missing the most important steps of growing into adults they are not taught right from wrong and to learn that they must do wrong without having a life long record...I say let the teens learn and grow slowly.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Nov. 7, 2012 at 1:07 AM
2 moms liked this


1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? Suburban.  I think it is the perfect place to raise kids.

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?  The usual.  Teens fancy themselves as adults and want to make their own decisions, but don't always have the maturity and life experience to make good decisions.

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes? Whatever I can!  Experience, patience and control.  I remember being a teen.

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?  It depends on the maturity of the teen.   I feel it is a mistake to get too serious about someone at such a young age....I encourage my sons to put themselves and their futures and dreams ahead of serious committments to others.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?  I am a strong believer that teens should work.  School is their first priority, but work offers experience, responsibility and time management.  You can't appreciate a good job until you've experienced a crappy one.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen? Grey hairs!  I've learned to  listen and appreciate my sons' views and opinions.

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?  Most I like, some I don't.   I can't choose their friends for them, but I always share my opinions.   I have rules in my home, my sons enforce those rules with their guests.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?  Yes.  They know I have their best interest at heart.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?  Teen years are always stressful.  I think that teens today are more affected and consumed with stress and anxiety.

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?   Mean what you say and say only what you mean!    Idle threats are useless and will lose respect.    Teens are looking for loopholes....don't give in.     Listen to them!   You will learn a lot.  Open communication is key....if you are not comfortable talking about something, you can't expect your teen to be.




Msgme
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? Urban.  I feel that living in a large city provides them with many more opportunities.  but sometimes maybe to many things to choose from.

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens? With my son its all about his education.  He doesnt see the importance.  With my daughter its about putting too much on her plate. 

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes? Patience and never giving up

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish? Not a fan of getting serious to young. They have plenty of time for that later on.  We've run into a few problems  in that area.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work? School has to come first.  Working is a great way to learn responsibility and I encourage it but school must come first.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen? I've become more patient

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends? They can pick their own friends. 

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not? Most of the time they do.    they are allowed to voice their concerns and objections and I do listen.  But ultimatley they respect them.  Even if they just know its a loosing battle and time to just accept.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen? More stressful. They have alot more pressure on them then i ever did.  School, Socially its all the time 24/7

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen? Just try to remember what it was like to be a teen.  Patience and understanding will get you through the tough years

vixen42
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 10:54 AM

1. suburban, gangs 2. being disrespectful,not doing chores ,homework 3. grounding,loss of priveleges 4.as long as it doesn't get too serious I don't mind,no sex.treat each other with respect,no sneaking out 5. if they can manage it and still keep their grades up I am all for it.6.learning to see things from his point of view and trying not to overreact when our views differ 7.most of them I like,donot give in to peer pressure or be a friend to some one who has different values from you 8,yes most of the time,he knows we love him and have his best interests in mind 9.less he doesn't have a parent  who screams and hits and says horrible things to him like dh and I did 10.enjoy the ride because all too soon they will be grown and gone and you raised them to stand up for what they feel is right


Barabell
by Barbara on Nov. 7, 2012 at 11:13 AM

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? Urban. I grew up in an urban area too, and so I don't have anything to compare it to. My assumption is that bad influences, drugs, sex, peer pressure, and societal pressure can be found anywhere. So I'm not really sure how to answer the second question.

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens? Not too many so far; my son is only 13.

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes? Usually we talk through the disputes. If either side was disrespectful, we will apologize for it. We also ground and loss of priveledges. If the "crime" involves something of monetary value (i.e. breaking something), he is expected to pay it back through chores.

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? It's inevitable, LOL. What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish? We are going to approach it on a situational basis and his maturity. He doesn't have a girlfriend yet, and he is not ready to ask a girl out (his words). I'm assuming that he will probably wait on dating until he is driving, which would be 16, and we will establish rules and guidelines at that time. He may have a girlfriend at school before he starts dating, which we're OK with. I just ask him that he keeps open communication with me about it.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work? Education comes first, and so he is free to have a part time job as long as it doesn't interfere with his studies.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen? He's got an attitude and moodier. As long as he's still respectful to me and is still being responsible, I have learned to let the brooding go.

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? I like them. Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends? Currently, no. I tried to help my son think about the importance of true, good friends at a young age, and I'm hoping will stick during his teenage years.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not? Yes, because he is rarely disrespectful to us.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen? More. Social media has made the world smaller, and it seems like it's harder for kids to get a break from societal pressures even in their own room now.

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen? I am just starting to parent a teen, and so I'm more interested in hearing the advice than thinking I'm qualified to give it at this time.

Elise1968
by Member on Nov. 7, 2012 at 11:36 AM

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? Suburban.  I don't feel there are any challenges to living in a suburban area at all.

2 . What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?  Our constant battle is over her keeping her room clean.

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes? I try to stay out of there and when it gets too bad, my husband steps in and she will listen to him.

 4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish? As much as I wish I could stop it and have her wait until she is older, that is not going to happen.  She only sees him at our home and stays in the family room.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work? absolutely!!  She will be driving in May, requiring car insurance and my husband refuses to pay that.  She will have to pay her own insurance.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen? Learning to deal with feeling frustrated 90% of the time and learning that there is no such thing as a perfect parent and I can only do my best.

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends? I discourage friendships with the kids who are always in trouble.  For the most part she agrees with me.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not? Only if she agrees with my decision!  She doesn't like to not get her way.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen? More stressful due to today's technology and advancement.

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen? Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

  

stamm
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 11:39 AM

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? We live in a suburban area and I find it hard because my teens hang out at other kids houses instead of doing activities at home because we live so far from the city.

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens? back talk, curfews, school work, housework, drinking and drug use (one is an addict)

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes? taking away privledges, assigning extra housework.

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish? One teen is 18 and has his first girlfriend. We always allowed him to date some. We just try to talk to him about the issues surrounding teen dating. My 13 year old daughter does not date yet.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work? I am for it as long as it does not interfere with schoolwork. They can learn good life skills by working. My 18 year old has a part time job and my 13 year old volunteers. It is good for their self-esteem.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen? I have had some emotional changes. I enjoy my teens but often feel unappreciated and judged by them and other parents.

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends? It is sometimes hard to tell what friends are positive and which are negative. We never forbid friendships but encourage the ones we feel are positive and limit exposure to the others.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not? Sometimes they do, sometimes not. I feel deep down they mostly do but don't show it because they are still trying to manipulate and get what they want.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen? I feel it is tougher because there are more pressures and expecations. I dont' think it is a huge difference though.

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen? Don't try too hard to be their friends. Be strict when you need to be. If you are in a two parent home try to be on the same page as your spouse when it comes to parenting.

sunflowers12
by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 11:39 AM

well, we live in a rural are in which has a diverse community the challenges are many from so many walks of life... mainly drugs so many rely on to cope with everyday life around here.. even ppl in their 50s sell pharmaceuticals from the mail box.. this is the biggest challenge to me..

i have six children and their ages range from 21/10 currently my 17/15 /13 year old are the three i have to dispute with more so about simple things such as picking up and cleaning up after them selves some school stuff but they are pretty good about it and of course anything i like /love they hate/despise makes it hard for peaceful living at times...

 coping, i have decided the best way to deal with these issues is to keep my expectations low and understand that they will have to come to some of their own conclusions about certain things.. if the mess isn't clean i normally just do it because of me its just not worth getting mad about..


well, relationships have been different for my kids my oldest found her high school sweetheart and it was like trying to keep a couple of monkeys away from one another, with her it didn't matter how many guidelines or rules there were she felt they were there to break and did so.. my second dd was pretty much the same but i didn't react to her in the same manner because i knew it wouldn't change anything, but once they begun to experiment sorta speak that when i told them to move out.. and they did.. my oldest son did date on and off last year and the rules were no making out and leaving the door opened and not kick the other bro out of the room and stuff like that...

i do make me kids get jobs at 16 i feel it teaches them responsibility and also money management and how to get a job and how to conduct your self at work in public and how to work with others... and how to buy their own things and pay bills... we also open up their own bank account and they learn how to bank..

changes, well many this is the age where you see and watch them go through so many changes turning from boys/girls into men /women the get their own ideas and feeling on issues and many times they are the complete opposite of yours.. for me i have change in the ways of trying to make them conform to my way of thinking to supporting them and their endeavors because i don't feel that its necessary to run them away and that what i have seen more often parents do when the kid (s) have differences of opinions many times.. i think we can agree to disagree... which to me bring peace among everyone..


if the friends are in my home they are to be respectful and conduct them selves well... no cussing and yelling eating up all our food things like that i will send them home if this happens..

respect, no they go with it cause there's no other choice but they do not respect my decisions unless its giving them something buying/or something like that.. why they do not because it normally goes against what they want to do.. that's my feelings..

stressful i think the same things i dealt with as a teen are still around today but the difference is there's more accommodations for the issues and education about some of them too.. over all its about the same..

advice hold on tight causes your getting ready for the ride of your life!!!

Quoting Autumn9009:

So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?


Autumn9009
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 12:15 PM

I just want to thank all of the moms who have responded to my questions so far! Your answers have been a great help to my while  I have been trying to write my paper. Thank you all! =)

Barabell
by Barbara on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:18 PM


Quoting Autumn9009:

I just want to thank all of the moms who have responded to my questions so far! Your answers have been a great help to my while  I have been trying to write my paper. Thank you all! =)

You're welcome. :-)

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