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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Help Please!! Moms with Teens....

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So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?

by on Nov. 6, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Replies (11-15):
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Nov. 8, 2012 at 3:07 PM


Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

We live in a rural area.  This presents challeges as a parent but there are not very many supervised things the teens are capable of doing (malls, shopping, bowling, etc.)

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

The same types I had when I was a teen.  Independence, wanting everything without having to do anything.

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

Not sure I understand.

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

Right now, none of them are in or have been in a steady romantic relationship, however the guidelines are, if you can't drive yourself, then you can't date.  I don't want my kid feeling pressured because they need a ride home and don't want to call.  They also understand that sex is best left for the married.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

Working teens are good, expecially if they have shown that they are capable of doing their first job (school) first.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

Changes?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

I cannot change or pick their friends as teens, however they know if they are disrespectful to me in my home they don't get to come back.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

Sometimes, depends on the decision.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

I think that teens today are not taught coping skills needed to remain in the real world.  Instead they are given a pill or catered to and that in the long run will hurt them.

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?

Buy some booze! No, seriously, get a punching bag for everyone in the house to burn off frustrations with.


GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:45 PM

just curious - how do you "Make" your children get a job?

Quoting sunflowers12:

well, we live in a rural are in which has a diverse community the challenges are many from so many walks of life... mainly drugs so many rely on to cope with everyday life around here.. even ppl in their 50s sell pharmaceuticals from the mail box.. this is the biggest challenge to me..

i have six children and their ages range from 21/10 currently my 17/15 /13 year old are the three i have to dispute with more so about simple things such as picking up and cleaning up after them selves some school stuff but they are pretty good about it and of course anything i like /love they hate/despise makes it hard for peaceful living at times...

 coping, i have decided the best way to deal with these issues is to keep my expectations low and understand that they will have to come to some of their own conclusions about certain things.. if the mess isn't clean i normally just do it because of me its just not worth getting mad about..


well, relationships have been different for my kids my oldest found her high school sweetheart and it was like trying to keep a couple of monkeys away from one another, with her it didn't matter how many guidelines or rules there were she felt they were there to break and did so.. my second dd was pretty much the same but i didn't react to her in the same manner because i knew it wouldn't change anything, but once they begun to experiment sorta speak that when i told them to move out.. and they did.. my oldest son did date on and off last year and the rules were no making out and leaving the door opened and not kick the other bro out of the room and stuff like that...

i do make me kids get jobs at 16 i feel it teaches them responsibility and also money management and how to get a job and how to conduct your self at work in public and how to work with others... and how to buy their own things and pay bills... we also open up their own bank account and they learn how to bank..

changes, well many this is the age where you see and watch them go through so many changes turning from boys/girls into men /women the get their own ideas and feeling on issues and many times they are the complete opposite of yours.. for me i have change in the ways of trying to make them conform to my way of thinking to supporting them and their endeavors because i don't feel that its necessary to run them away and that what i have seen more often parents do when the kid (s) have differences of opinions many times.. i think we can agree to disagree... which to me bring peace among everyone..


if the friends are in my home they are to be respectful and conduct them selves well... no cussing and yelling eating up all our food things like that i will send them home if this happens..

respect, no they go with it cause there's no other choice but they do not respect my decisions unless its giving them something buying/or something like that.. why they do not because it normally goes against what they want to do.. that's my feelings..

stressful i think the same things i dealt with as a teen are still around today but the difference is there's more accommodations for the issues and education about some of them too.. over all its about the same..

advice hold on tight causes your getting ready for the ride of your life!!!

Quoting Autumn9009:

So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?




sunflowers12
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:07 PM
Cut them off!!! It sound hard n mean but it's necessary the phones will only be in use if they pay their own bill if not suspend it... Know more shopping or very little they realize if they don't get a job they will not have money for the things they want expensive clothing make up for girls n and whatever crazy thing they think they can't live with out!!!

Quoting GleekingOut:

just curious - how do you "Make" your children get a job?


Quoting sunflowers12:

well, we live in a rural are in which has a diverse community the challenges are many from so many walks of life... mainly drugs so many rely on to cope with everyday life around here.. even ppl in their 50s sell pharmaceuticals from the mail box.. this is the biggest challenge to me..

i have six children and their ages range from 21/10 currently my 17/15 /13 year old are the three i have to dispute with more so about simple things such as picking up and cleaning up after them selves some school stuff but they are pretty good about it and of course anything i like /love they hate/despise makes it hard for peaceful living at times...

 coping, i have decided the best way to deal with these issues is to keep my expectations low and understand that they will have to come to some of their own conclusions about certain things.. if the mess isn't clean i normally just do it because of me its just not worth getting mad about..


well, relationships have been different for my kids my oldest found her high school sweetheart and it was like trying to keep a couple of monkeys away from one another, with her it didn't matter how many guidelines or rules there were she felt they were there to break and did so.. my second dd was pretty much the same but i didn't react to her in the same manner because i knew it wouldn't change anything, but once they begun to experiment sorta speak that when i told them to move out.. and they did.. my oldest son did date on and off last year and the rules were no making out and leaving the door opened and not kick the other bro out of the room and stuff like that...

i do make me kids get jobs at 16 i feel it teaches them responsibility and also money management and how to get a job and how to conduct your self at work in public and how to work with others... and how to buy their own things and pay bills... we also open up their own bank account and they learn how to bank..

changes, well many this is the age where you see and watch them go through so many changes turning from boys/girls into men /women the get their own ideas and feeling on issues and many times they are the complete opposite of yours.. for me i have change in the ways of trying to make them conform to my way of thinking to supporting them and their endeavors because i don't feel that its necessary to run them away and that what i have seen more often parents do when the kid (s) have differences of opinions many times.. i think we can agree to disagree... which to me bring peace among everyone..


if the friends are in my home they are to be respectful and conduct them selves well... no cussing and yelling eating up all our food things like that i will send them home if this happens..

respect, no they go with it cause there's no other choice but they do not respect my decisions unless its giving them something buying/or something like that.. why they do not because it normally goes against what they want to do.. that's my feelings..

stressful i think the same things i dealt with as a teen are still around today but the difference is there's more accommodations for the issues and education about some of them too.. over all its about the same..

advice hold on tight causes your getting ready for the ride of your life!!!

Quoting Autumn9009:

So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?





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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:30 PM

My teen DD didn't get a job until she was 18, she didn't go shopping or have a phone until then. She bought her own ipod with money she'd saved up babysitting - but it wasn't an actual job. She never wore makeup or anything. So; what would you suggest then?

Quoting sunflowers12:

Cut them off!!! It sound hard n mean but it's necessary the phones will only be in use if they pay their own bill if not suspend it... Know more shopping or very little they realize if they don't get a job they will not have money for the things they want expensive clothing make up for girls n and whatever crazy thing they think they can't live with out!!!

Quoting GleekingOut:

just curious - how do you "Make" your children get a job?


Quoting sunflowers12:

well, we live in a rural are in which has a diverse community the challenges are many from so many walks of life... mainly drugs so many rely on to cope with everyday life around here.. even ppl in their 50s sell pharmaceuticals from the mail box.. this is the biggest challenge to me..

i have six children and their ages range from 21/10 currently my 17/15 /13 year old are the three i have to dispute with more so about simple things such as picking up and cleaning up after them selves some school stuff but they are pretty good about it and of course anything i like /love they hate/despise makes it hard for peaceful living at times...

 coping, i have decided the best way to deal with these issues is to keep my expectations low and understand that they will have to come to some of their own conclusions about certain things.. if the mess isn't clean i normally just do it because of me its just not worth getting mad about..


well, relationships have been different for my kids my oldest found her high school sweetheart and it was like trying to keep a couple of monkeys away from one another, with her it didn't matter how many guidelines or rules there were she felt they were there to break and did so.. my second dd was pretty much the same but i didn't react to her in the same manner because i knew it wouldn't change anything, but once they begun to experiment sorta speak that when i told them to move out.. and they did.. my oldest son did date on and off last year and the rules were no making out and leaving the door opened and not kick the other bro out of the room and stuff like that...

i do make me kids get jobs at 16 i feel it teaches them responsibility and also money management and how to get a job and how to conduct your self at work in public and how to work with others... and how to buy their own things and pay bills... we also open up their own bank account and they learn how to bank..

changes, well many this is the age where you see and watch them go through so many changes turning from boys/girls into men /women the get their own ideas and feeling on issues and many times they are the complete opposite of yours.. for me i have change in the ways of trying to make them conform to my way of thinking to supporting them and their endeavors because i don't feel that its necessary to run them away and that what i have seen more often parents do when the kid (s) have differences of opinions many times.. i think we can agree to disagree... which to me bring peace among everyone..


if the friends are in my home they are to be respectful and conduct them selves well... no cussing and yelling eating up all our food things like that i will send them home if this happens..

respect, no they go with it cause there's no other choice but they do not respect my decisions unless its giving them something buying/or something like that.. why they do not because it normally goes against what they want to do.. that's my feelings..

stressful i think the same things i dealt with as a teen are still around today but the difference is there's more accommodations for the issues and education about some of them too.. over all its about the same..

advice hold on tight causes your getting ready for the ride of your life!!!

Quoting Autumn9009:

So, I should start off by saying that I am a 22 years old and have two beautiful daughters. Raelynn is 3 and Audriana is 2. I am not a mother of a teen but I am in need of some answers from mothers of teens. I am looking to better myself and mine and my daughters lives through receiving my education. I am a student at Illinois State University and am taking an adolescent psychology class. For this class I am required to write a paper relating to the class. One of the options for this paper is to ask parents of teens some questions and to see how their answers relate or do not relate to different topics we have discussed in the class. So please, if you are interested answer the following questions. I would greatly appreciate it!! Thank you all so much!

Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent?

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens?

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work?

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Why or why not?

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?







MusicMom823
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:40 PM




Questions:

1. Do you live in rural, urban, or suburban area? Suburbs

How does living in such an area present challenges to you as a parent? Kids have easy access to town that I sometimes wish was further away and impossible to get to

2. What types of disputes to you experience with your teens? Mostly over time management or topics of conversations with their friends

3. What coping mechanisms do you use with these disputes?  We talk about it.  I make sure I am calm before I address it

4.What are your feelings about your teens getting into steady, romantic relationships? It is impossible to prevent but not encouraged

What guidelines or rules will you (or have you) establish?  We do not allow single dating.  We have the romantic interest over to the house and supervise closely.

5. What are your feelings about your teens and part-time work? All three of mine work.  It is a duel edged sword.  They can pay for their own activities that they would probably miss otherwise, but they can also buy toys we would rather they not own.

6. What types of changes have your experienced as a result of parenting a teen?  Not many

7. What are your feelings about your teens friends? They have made good choices.  My house is the unofficial hang out for all.  They are good kids.

Do you have guidelines or expectations that you share with your teens about their friends?  My kids know that I want them to pick friends that are not into drugs, alcohol, or smoking.  They also know that I consider people who are less than kind, not worthy of their time.

8. Do you feel that your teens respect your decisions? Yes

Why or why not?  We talk about the why behind most decisions.  When they understand the why, they may not agree, but at least it doesn't seem arbitrary so they respect it.

9. Do you feel that being a teen is more or less stressful than when you were teen?  More

10. What words of advice would you give to a person just starting to parent a teen?  Talk.  Take your teens out in the car driving and talk (They open up there...not sure why....they just do) or listen as they are talking to their friends in the back seat.  They forget you are there and you learn a lot and can talk about concerns brought to your attention through this later, when you are alone.



 Melissa  

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