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Teen behavior or is my daughter just cold?

Posted by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:10 AM
  • 20 Replies

My daughter will be 16 in a few months. I remarried last year and understand she's had to adjust to divorce and remarriage. I worry, get angry, etc. over her behavior towards me, her step father and step grandmother. His mom is so happy we are in his life and she is good and kind to us. My daughter treats her like a stranger she doesn't want to deal with. This lady is 80 and sweetest of the sweet. She will try to talk to my daughter and just gets one word answers, etc. She took the two of us out to eat Italian because it is my daughters favorite.  DD said she wasn't really hungry, then she said her food wasn't good, etc. I'm so embarrassed and angry. I talked with her about and she said she doesn't like to do "family" stuff.

We are moving Monday, DH is working out of town and she hasn't helped me one bit. Lays in her bed eating and watching tv while I pack the rest of the house. I've suggested and asked for her help but she starts piddling in her room and next thing I know she's quit. I asked her if it doesn't bother her that I work a job, come home cook supper, do her laundry, take her places, and she just lays around texting and watching tv and she said "Well, that's just what you do, take a nap if you want too!"  She admits she's a different person with her friends and at school. I get glowing remarks from teachers, parents, and administrators.

It stresses me more to fight with her than to just do stuff myself. I can see from what I've typed, I've created a spoiled monster. She doesn't act like she loves or appreciates me, and she certainly doesn't care about her new family.  I know what most of you will say, I have been too soft for too long,  but is it too late to fix her selfishness? I kow a lot of teens are like this or worse but I want her to have empathy with others and be kind even when she doesn't care or want too.


by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
fammatthews4
by Trisha on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:22 AM

Have you thought about trying family counceling?  

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:50 AM

No it isn't too late. From now on the bank of mommy is closed. She needs to work around the house , show resp4ect before you do anything else for her. At 14 she can do her own laundry, prep meals,have a list of weekly chores. Shut off or take her phone, get her off the Internet until she can behave. I would also make her apologize for her rudeness to step grandma. Her behavior was rude and unacceptable.

I understand that moving and having new family is a big change. It sounds like she is trying to sabotage it. She needs to know it wont work. Does your new husband spend time with her ? has he told her how much he wants her to be happy and be part of her life ?

robyann
by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 I wouldn't necessarily say you've spoiled her. Alot of teen girls act like that. You just need to take control. BUT make sure you only pick a few things to battle. The new gma needs to be addressed, tell your dd it's fine if she doesn't want to love her but she MUST respect her and not be rude, but be grateful and nice. She doesn't have to treat her like a gma, but she does have to treat her like an older person who deserves respect. If she disrespects her then she is grounded, from going out, from tv, or phone, or whatever you choose, but let your dd know this ahead of time, so she knows what she is losing before she chooses to lose it. I'd say as for the packing, she needs to help at least some, say an hour at first, tell her the tv, computer and phone go off for one hour while she helps you, if she doesn't then they stay off until she does. Teenage girls are very moody and self centered. You shouldn't demand they "snap" out of it and be all happy and cheerful all the time, that's not gonna happen, but you can , make her give you some time. Getting really  upset and mad at her will only make it worse, stay calm and just tell her what she will do and what will happen if she doesn't, then follow through, if she screams, that's fine, keep your cool and do what you said you would. GL

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 8 & counting!

KeriAZ
by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:08 AM
I agree. Take her phone away, unplug tv and net until she helps. If she plugs them in then unplug again. Tell her what u expect and why. She needs to appologise to her step family.
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02nana07
by Ida on Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:24 AM

 1st stop doing her laundry and cooking for her she is old enough and if she doesn't appreciate it enough to help you out let her fend for herself. 

I would not pack any of her stuff and if she doesn't pack her stuff gets left behind and not replaced when you move. 

As far as disrespect she wouldn't have to worry about texting because she wouldn't have a phone.  I figure if she can't show respect to the people she is with there is no telling what she is texting so that would be out.  Tell her she can earn it back by showing respect for those around her.

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:22 PM

First of all, the attitude that she has with your mother in law, that's unacceptable.  She would be forced to apologize and if she didn't act right around her, she would be disciplined, such as waiting in the car.

Second of all, tv off, food gone out of the room, and she helps pack and at least packs her own room.  If she doesn't, pack 2 outfits, 2 pjs, and a set of sheets and the rest goes to good will.  My mom moved ALOT when she was young, and her father gave her ONE box to fill and that's all she got, which had to fit all clothes, sheets, and toys. 

momo3fgr8tteens
by on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:27 PM

Some of it seems to be typical teenager behavior. My dd has just started acting like this in the last few months. She gets straight a's and is sweet to everyone but me lately. She acts like she wants nothing to do with me and when I ask her to do something she acts like its the end of the world and she is cinderella.


bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:32 PM
I agree, take away the privileges until she actually earns them back.

Quoting KeriAZ:

I agree. Take her phone away, unplug tv and net until she helps. If she plugs them in then unplug again. Tell her what u expect and why. She needs to appologise to her step family.
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Bertieb
by Member on Nov. 11, 2012 at 10:17 AM

That's exactly mine! She treats me like I'm her personal assistant and I've been letting her because I'm a conflict avoider until I can't take any more or she does it to someone I care about. Next time we see grandma I will have a talk beforehand and put her on notice any rudeness will be punished. 

Quoting momo3fgr8tteens:

Some of it seems to be typical teenager behavior. My dd has just started acting like this in the last few months. She gets straight a's and is sweet to everyone but me lately. She acts like she wants nothing to do with me and when I ask her to do something she acts like its the end of the world and she is cinderella.



Barabell
by Barbara on Nov. 11, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Have you tried talking to her about the attitude? Is she unhappy about the move and that you remarried? 

Talk to her, and quit doing too much for her. 

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