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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Help! My daughter is floundering.

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 6:40 AM
  • 13 Replies

My daughter is 18.  She has a boyfriend (from the internet) that lives 4 hours away.  They get together every 2 weeks because he works and has a kid. :(     She is in community college for business.  Now, she is unhappy with her business courses and wants to do something else.  Mostly, she wants to be with her BF.  She doesn't have any friends here.  I just read her Skype message she left up on the computer with some other guy she talks to and she told him she doesn't want to do any job.  How can I get her to wake up to the real world and see that there is more to life than her loser BF?  She has an opportunity to be anything, yet she doesnt want to.  Of course, she won't listen to me when I talk to her.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 6:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 7:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Sit down with her and the local newspaper.Sit beside her not across from her (thats a power play situation) Have her find a job that she is qualified to do. If you cant find one there tallk abot what she thinks she could do. Guess at how much it will pay. Then help her find a 1 bedroom apt.Now help her do a months budget. make sure to add in elec, cable, internet, phone,rent, rental insurance,car and car isnurance OR bus fare so she can get to her job, food etc. I am pretty damn sure she will be way in the Negative. Ask her what she thinks would be the best way to get a better paying job ? Explain just how costly it is to be an Adult ! Tell her you want nothing more than for her to be a happy succesful young lady and you dont see how she could manage this without an education.Ask her questions and really listen.

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:28 AM
She is an adult. Maybe she has to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. Let her make it or break it.
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PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:36 AM

I hate to say it but you can speak to them until you are blue in the face, "The only thing that teaches them at that age is falling on their face".

PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 8:37 AM


Quoting atlmom2:

She is an adult. Maybe she has to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. Let her make it or break it.

Well put

MarineMoMPI
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Miss Yort:

THat is a tough one. My 21 yr old is thinkin  of quitin school cause she has found a great job, not in her field, but its a good payin job. I would encourage her daughter to switch her classes. She needs something to get excited about !!! We need to move her attention away from the boyfriend, before she decides to get prego and become a Mom to escape the work world. Actually being a Mom is a much toughter job than any job Ive ever had, and Im blue collar.. Hope  this helps, good luck

Wyndi
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:41 AM

 I'm in college and I have a DD in college and a DS in high school. So far my DD has changed her major 3 times. Why~ the job market sucks. I changed my major last spring since the Business market is drying up. I'm now in the paralegal program at my college and the job opportunities abound.

Find out what your daughter wants to do with her life. Then start looking for a college program that fits her likes.

My daughter to be a nurse but was recently diagnosed with a dibilitating neurological disorder, so she switched to early childhood education ~ there are no job openings for teachers. Now she switched to the paralegal program and will graduate and find a job that starts out at $50,000 a year in our area. Right now Paralegals are in High Demand in our area.

Remember she's 18 and nothing we say will sink in until they fall flat on their faces.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Sit down with her and the local newspaper.Sit beside her not across from her (thats a power play situation) Have her find a job that she is qualified to do. If you cant find one there tallk abot what she thinks she could do. Guess at how much it will pay. Then help her find a 1 bedroom apt.Now help her do a months budget. make sure to add in elec, cable, internet, phone,rent, rental insurance,car and car isnurance OR bus fare so she can get to her job, food etc. I am pretty damn sure she will be way in the Negative. Ask her what she thinks would be the best way to get a better paying job ? Explain just how costly it is to be an Adult ! Tell her you want nothing more than for her to be a happy succesful young lady and you dont see how she could manage this without an education.Ask her questions and really listen.

This!!     This is exactly what my Dad did with me when I was 16, it was a huge eye opener.   I did the same with my boys.  




chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:44 PM

 Let her do what she wants she is 18. Tell her if she is so unhappy maybe he has room at his place? IDk I am glad my oldest is still 13 some days

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:47 PM

 Off subject but I am doing paralegal for the same reason TONS of jobs in my area in the field.

Quoting Wyndi:

 I'm in college and I have a DD in college and a DS in high school. So far my DD has changed her major 3 times. Why~ the job market sucks. I changed my major last spring since the Business market is drying up. I'm now in the paralegal program at my college and the job opportunities abound.

Find out what your daughter wants to do with her life. Then start looking for a college program that fits her likes.

My daughter to be a nurse but was recently diagnosed with a dibilitating neurological disorder, so she switched to early childhood education ~ there are no job openings for teachers. Now she switched to the paralegal program and will graduate and find a job that starts out at $50,000 a year in our area. Right now Paralegals are in High Demand in our area.

Remember she's 18 and nothing we say will sink in until they fall flat on their faces.

 

tita2012
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:14 PM

I agree with lucky2beeme, however, when my daughter was 17, I told her she needed to go to college or to the military (I didn't think my varsity cheerleader would go). I told her if she went to school, we would support her. I then told her if she was going to work and live with us, she would need to pay $400.00 in rent (she didn't like that). She called my bluff and went to the military. She came home one year later (medically discharged) due to her feet. She took advantage of the situation and didn't go to school or work. When she finally enrolled in beauty school (i wanted her to go to college), she started skipping classes and used every excuse not to go. I tried talking, threatening, yelling to try to make her see she needed an education. Needless to say, she did not listen. She is 26, lives in her own apartment and does nothing. We have always told our children education is key and no one is going to support them. They need to learn to support theirselves. I hope your daughter opens her eyes. It's been 8 years for my girl and i just stopped blaming myself this year. It is really all up to them. 

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