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Pregnant Daughter's Boyfriend is moving in.

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:28 PM
  • 29 Replies

My 18 yr old daughter told us about 7 months ago that she is pregant.  This was right before it was time for her to leave home and go to college 5 hours away.  I know she was having cold feet so I suspect she did it on purpose.  Her BF was also 18 and a nice kid but they had been on and off for 3 years.  My husband and I weren't happy to say the least and we gave them both hell, but told them we would help where we could.  She is living with us and it's been difficult to say the least.  She listens to all the advice but then just ignores it.  I don't doubt she'll be a loving mother, but they're both living in a total dream world.  With 10 weeks left, they finally went to apply for Medicaid and for WIC.  WIC told them that since they don't have Medicaid yet they would have to base the application on income. Since she lives with us, our income is too high for her to get WIC.  However if he moves in with us they will only look at their income and not include ours and then they will be able to get WIC.  We had told them that if they were planning on getting married eventually, we would let him move in right before the baby is born but he would have his own room.  Now he's moving in within two weeks.  I would love to hear other's experiences with a boyfriend moving in and what rules and guidelines were put in place to handle this change.  I should also add that I have a 16 year old son who gets along well with his sister's boyfriend, but not so much with her. :)  Thanks!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:28 PM
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:42 PM

 I have never had this expierance. Since she is 18 I would make sure it is a short stay and they get on thier feet as soon as possible and move into a place for them and the baby. Until then set strick rules and make him pay some kind of rent.

by Susie on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:15 PM
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No experience but I wouldn't allow it. They are adults and need their own place. Sorry but is ticks me off they do not look at your income. Our govt is so screwed up.
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by Grumpy on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:40 PM

Never having this experience, I really can't offer any help here.  I was married when I had to move back in with my mom.  It was hell to say the least about it.  No privacy.  If you ask my mom about it swears to everyone else that I took advantage of her and tells me she wanted to do it.  Either way she made me feel like crap the entire time.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM
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My girlfriend went through this with her daughter. She told her daughter if she was going to live with them, she needed to get on the patch to insure no more babies. She did let the boyfriend move in provided they both went to school. The daugher was more of a pain than the boyfriend. Her daughter is finishing up her nursing license and he is almost finished with x-ray tech. Although my friend and her husband had to help ALOT, they will both have careers.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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I'm just curious why would he have his own room? They have already did the deed and probably still are.. my experience with this is not necessarily bf moving in but girlfriend... They had rules as helping around the house and courtesy texting me or calling if not coming home.. other than that they are two adults who will have a big responsibility and you just might see a big change in them...
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 5:25 PM
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 I'm sure alot of moms won't agree with me about this, but in less you've been there you just don't know. I think if they kids are decent kids, not doing drugs or out partying all the time. That them living with you could be very helpful for them. They are young so they really have no idea how to care for a baby and how to live together in a relationship. You can lead them and guide them. Be there for them to come to with any problems or questions concerning the baby but also concerning their relationship. If this all goes well they will get to start off on their own from a good base.

They should be required to have jobs, at least him. And to pay rent, something, not because you need the money but they need to take responsibility. You can just base the amount on a percentage of their income. They need to have certain responsibilities around the house, whatever you feel is fair. IMO--their #1 "job" in the house is being parents, they need to be encouraged to spend as much time as possible bonding and caring for their baby.

My ds and his gf are living with us, they have a 6 month old. It is working pretty well for us. I am a SAHM (now I call myself a SAHM/MawMaw lol). They are both working full time and work opposite shifts, so I cover the babysitting for the few hours they overlap. I would rather them come home and spend time with the baby then come home and start cleaning or something. I mean they do clean their own room, load the dishwasher, and do their own laundry (sometimes)....but to me it's more important for them to spend time playing and bonding with the baby.

This can work out for the best for them, the baby, and you. You'll have a closer bond with your grandchild then if he/she wasn't living in your home.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 5:49 PM
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sidesplittinglaughterI had to laugh at him having his own room it is a little late for that.   It isn't like she can get pregnant now maybe teach them about protection before the baby is born so they don't end up with another one.  It doesn't matter if they aren't in the same room to sleep they will still have sex.  

by Kimberly on Nov. 13, 2012 at 7:10 PM

No experience of my own.    I have a couple of friends who allowed their DD's boyfriend t move in, and it did not work out well for either of them.

Good Luck!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:14 PM

This would never have flown in my house.  Dh & I had MANY, MANY conversations with our kids WAY before they ever had boyfriends, about the realities of being a teen parent.  Our kids knew perfectly well what would happen to their lives if they got pregnant without an education or a career.  They knew we would help our child, and our grandchild, to the best of our ability, but we would NOT support the sperm donor.  If they wanted to play at being adults, they would have to do it on their own dime, in whatever place they could afford.

And then we put them on BC when they were 14.

by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:22 PM
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That wouldnt go at our house. I would definately be telling both of them to get a real job & not live off of welfare.
Maybe ge should get a job instead of moving in with you to get them on welfare.
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