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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

you tell me who is right?

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:00 PM
  • 30 Replies
DD (13) is in 7th grade & in 7th grade. Her school got a nice size grant & used that to buy laptops. DD's team is the only team to have them as a pilot program/trial run. The kids pick them up at the beginning of school & return them at the end of the day. They use them for online learning. Let's say the clas has 27 kids. They are divided up into 3 groups. One group works with the teacher, another works on a group assignment, & the 3rd does their online learning.

A few weeks ago I received calls all day while I was at work (which I couldn't answer due to being at work). When I was able to I finally answered & found out that DD had requested info from an online school & gave MY phone number as a contact. I did get them to remove my number. I emailed the teachers & was informed she lost her laptop for the day.

Well today I got a phone call from a teacher saying she was on another website playing around & this time her laptop was taken til Monday. My director at work was suppose to take both my girls out to dinner tonight but since she got in trouble I said only the younger one could go.

My director & 2 other co-workers (we work at a daycare) tried telling me I shouldn't punish her at home for something that happened at school. I say if I let her get away with this who knows what else she will try! In fact- one of the teacher's daughters is pregnant with twins...at the age of 17. Oh & this is her 2nd pregnancy! Yeah her oldest is only 9 months old! So I REALLY wanted to say "if I let her walk all over me at 13 she may just end up pregnant with twins at 17!" but I didn't because we were at work.

My director came & got the younger DD & begged me to let her take 13yo but I still said no. Besides... DDs were told to get homework done or they couldn't go & 13yo didn't have hers done when I got home at 6.

So I am right... right?
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with you on this.  You are the parent and you do what needs to be done with your children, not your coworkers or director.  I would discuss with the director alone and explain that when you beg in front of the kids it makes you out to be the bad guy and you need either a unified front or you would rather they not mention it at all.

tyfry7496
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:34 PM
You are right. Obviously the punishment at school isn't enough to make her stop. Good for you for giving consequences.
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MrsBLB
by Missi on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:50 PM

This exactly.

Quoting fantasticfour:

I agree with you on this.  You are the parent and you do what needs to be done with your children, not your coworkers or director.  I would discuss with the director alone and explain that when you beg in front of the kids it makes you out to be the bad guy and you need either a unified front or you would rather they not mention it at all.


drfink
by Emily on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:50 PM

yes 

agree with the pp's

annie2244
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:10 PM

I side with your director.

I don't take away special events that involve other people for punishment. I think it's rude to the other person involved. For example, if grandma takes them for dinner at her house once a week, I wouldn't have whatever squabble or discipline I'm going thru with my kids affect their once a wk time with grandma. I get my kids 24/7 most days to make my disciplinary points, I don't need to ruin the event someone external to my nuclear family has planned.

If the school is handling well a disciplinary issue, with a penalty that my kid cares about, I see no need to make her thoroughly miserable by ruining the home part of her life in addition. I would have a 5 minute talk about how disapointed I am in her, and we'd discuss what compelled her to do this, and she would need to convince me that she understands the error of her decision and that it's not going to happen again. And then I let it go, since she is being punished significantly at school by having the laptop taken away.

Or MAYBE, if I thought she wasn't sufficiently penitent, I might make a logical consequence at home as well - as in 'if you aren't responsible about internet use and computer use at school, and don't seem to understand that what you did was wrong or haven't convinced me that you really regret this, so we will also be taking away your access to the home computer except for monitored use for scholastic purposes only, for 1 wk.

Or, if things aren't getting better in school, I go to school and sit with her and her teacher and review this together and have discussed in advance with the school what ratcheting upwards of school response they have in mind, such as move her to the group that doesn't get the computers. I don't need to take away her dessert at home, her overnights with her friends, her affection from me. She's screwing up in one aspect of her life, there are consequences for that that already suck for her, I don't need to make miserable more aspects of her life. The laptops are a new thing, she's a 7th grader, it happens. If it keeps happening, she needs to move to the group that doesn't get them. Love you tons sweetie, too bad for you that you weren't mature enough to handle that special privilege, I'm sure you'll do better in the future.

Taking away a dinner out with someone external to the family, in response to something that happened at school completely unrelated to this dinner and person, seems mean, excessive.

I don't see misuse of the newly assigned laptop at all the pathway to promiscuity and teen pregnancy.

Yes, she should have gotten her homework done after school. But it's one night, a special night out with someone she doesn't see that often who wants to do this special thing for her and her sister. I wouldn't ruin the special night over un-done homework. I think I tell her she won't be able to go out Friday or Saturday if any of her homework made up by then.  

kaitybird
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:56 PM

I think you are right.  You are the parent.  

I will also blame the school for NOT putting blocks on what kids can and can't do with these laptops.  Our school district is wanting to get 1 for every high school student and these laptops will be able to come home with them.  Schools just aren't getting it.  

vampjezzabell
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I also think you're right and that your punishment is not excessive. No one should be arguing your choices in front of your child at all. I find that to be disrespectful to you and to the child. She was caught twice AND she didn't finish her homework so I think your choice was completely fitting and kudos to you for sticking to it. I have battled with making family events part of my child's restriction and when I excused those events from her punishment it ended up that the punishment did not have the desired effect. When I decided that when she was on restriction that meant restriction from everything - I noticed it being much more successful and my family understood it and respected it. Your director should do the same.

mumof2girlz
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Agree with you. Don't punish for something she did at school is crazy. So if she got into a fight at school or cussed a teacher out she shouldn't be punished at home?
mumsy2three
by Shauna on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:52 PM

You are the parent, I agree with you.

vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:55 PM

I agree with your decision.  If she had completed her homework I may have relented and let her go for dinner but she didn't. 


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