I really need help and as much advice as possible on this.
My son is 13 and was diagnosed with PDD at the age of 11. for those who don't know that's (Pervasive Development Disorder). For the first 8 years he was just said to have ADHA and just be a very active kid. At the time I was going through a lot of life ordeals, and my solution would be to spank, cuss, and punish. I had two older children girls that I had never had these experiences with. a lot of the experiences I was told to chalk them up to him being just a boy. Now to the real meat of the issue, my son's father my ex-husband. Well the truth of the matter is I don't really want to call him that because we spent more time apart then together so a marriage is something we never really had. I meet him at 14 and we were best of friends, and I never seen him as nothing more then that. we got along perfectly. I had a baby at 16 and was really struggling with talking care off her. He had been there for me helped me when he didn't have a secure place to lay his head at night. He was was in and out of foster care and then one night the worst thing ever happen, he was put in a situation were he was forced to defend his life and with him doing so he took someones. Now without you having the full understand of what happen I'm sure I might get mix reviews on that. But honestly thats not where the help is needed. See when he went to jail we lost contact, but 2 years before he was due to be released he reached out to me and we reconnected this time in a major way. When we reconnected I had another daughter and when we talked I was really going through a rough relationship spot. lets just say he got me at a vulnerable place. To speed this up a little he confessed that he was in love with me then and had never forgotten about me and wanted us to try to work on something once he came home. Well we didn't wait we got married while he was there i got pregnant as soon as he came home and the world as I thought it would be went down hill from there. I not only was was lied to and cheated on I was mentally, physically, and emotionally abused. During and after the birth of our son, that was born at 26 weeks 1 pound 11 1/2 oz due to a blood clot that could have killed us both. Time went on he went back to jail for assault on a officer because I had called the police because he was assaulting me so you know what I did when he went to jail.... No I stayed :(.... waited it out visits, phone calls high phone bills taking my kids to the jails once again to spend there weekends with a man they called DADDY...
So that day came the day my man my soul mate my husband will be released again to right the wrong he had done because he now understand what he did and he's going to do it different this time. Yeah he did, he sure did do it differently, because before he would just cheat, lie, and mentally and physically abuse me... Oh but he learn a better skill while he was in jail one that was good because he learned how to put all off them together in one. And that's how he learned to manipulate my mind to make me think some how some way this was going to work because after all we been through together it got to get better, and nobody can make me feel the way he makes me feel... ( you better know that's a statement I will live by now and forever), Well on night the ultimate night that I should've seen coming he did it. See when he and I would fight before it would be a push a slap a choke. And I'm here to say anyone that knows me will tell you I'm no push over. He would grab, push, slap, or yell at me, I'm right back at him ready to fight not willing to back down even though I knew I couldn't win,so that's why for so long he had my mind thinking when he said "well you hit me too look a the scratched and bite marks". Because I was made to believe I was no better then he was.
But this night was out of the ordinary because he was always the one that wanted the family image to LOOK perfect and everyone to be envious of what they thought I had. This night he didn't care, this night I was drugged out of the club at a friends birthday party we were at made to get in the car, after the whole side of my hair was ripped out of my head till I bleed. and beat as we drove down the street, my face busted against the steering wheel, to the point my contact lens came out. When I was able I had my other cell phone in my hand because he took the one he knew I had, so he didn't suspect anything and when he was driving yelling but not watching me, I dialed 911. They located us and arrested him. This happened almost 7 years ago and now he's soon to be released, this time no probation, no parole, no nothing he has done all his time. He says he's a different person and he wants to be a part of his son's life. He wants me in his life but I'm not an option. Even though as crazy as it sounds i still love him and haven't been involved with anyone because the pain he put me through has cut me too deep so I just cant. But here is where I need help..He says he wants his son in his life and at one point my son didn't want any dealing with him. As he's getting older he is on the fence with it and I'm worried because one I don't feel his fathers intentions or genuine, and two he has used my son before to get thing like phone numbers and other information when I tied to let him have a relationship with him and this was just 3 years ago. I just said no to a relationship with my son until he is able to make good decision. I just need to make sure how I'm feeling is not solely on how I feel towards him and its just whats best for my son.