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Totally SHOCKED, caught my 17 year old daughter half naked with boyfriend in house! Eeek!

Hello,

I have a 17 yr old daughter who recently just got her first bf- We have met the boy properly, and is a very nice well rounded boy. We have not let our daughter go out alone with him alone except to his home when his parents are there, mostly they just watch movies and hang out.

Today however, as they were at our house- and my husband decided to go to the store for something- I think they thought I went along because after 15 minutes I decided to get something upstairs in my room in the middle of talking to a friend on the phone- walked up the steps and passed the family room and from the corner of my eyes saw the two SCRAMBLING to get dressed. I did not see much- I think I saw him run to the bathroom across the way- But did see my daughter with only her bra on and no shirt trying to put it back on!

I was on the phone so I felt awkward to react and just kept walking... I did not say anything the entire night- not to the kids nor my husband who who'd flip if he knew! Later the boy went home said goodnight to my husband and I but looked at me a bit embarassed- then my daughter never said one word and went to her room.

I trust my daughter and the boy but kids are kids and teen hormones do sometimes trump all sensibility- we have all been there. Now I am at a loss on where /what to do from here? Do I act like nothing happened, as if I really did not see anything, do I actually tell her I saw what happened? What do I say, where do I even begin?

Do I talk to the boy too? This is all new to me as she is our eldest, so I am in the middle of wanting to be a responsible parent and also not loosing her trust and confidence to open with me on anything. Although this subject, I don't think she will freely discuss with me anytime soon.

PLEASE PLEASE I need some advice how to proceed- this is such a delicate situation- i dont know what to do. Appreciate any advice, thoughts on this... Thanks!

by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Replies (21-30):
racheal241977
by Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 6:52 PM

I felt the same way you did & refused to put her on it after everyone  ( mom, sister, sis in laws, mother in laws etc.. told me to put her on it... I should have listened to them because we did have a scare, thank god she was not preggo, & thank god she came to me, (condom broke).. I did not listen to anyone including my daughter giving me hints that she was thinking about having sex :(... I was in denial. After that incident she was put on the pill. 

Regardless if she is going to have sex,  shes going to do it with or with out you knowing, & with or with out Birth control, I know its a tough decision, but you need to make sure she is protected, I wish I would have listened, & Thank god every day that she did not get pregnant

Quoting DesignerMom1326:

T

As for BC - I know its important. Though I am on the fence on it- as I feel that if I did, what if she thinks I am giving her a free pass? I know it's more important she is safe but why do I feel getting her on BC isn't all on the good side?


Melissa_4
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:10 AM
Talk to her one on one, do NOT tell your husband, and tread lightly. Remind her that this is your home, and will not tolerate being disrespected, and that you think it would be wise for her to wait before being intimate with him. My goal is to get my kids to stay virgins until they are legal adults.
Emilytrademark
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:14 AM

Time to talk to your daughter about safe sex and the physical and emotional consequences of sex. She needs the information, as awkward as it may be - try not to be judgmental or preachy toward her. If they are going to have sex, they will find a way, and its better safe than sorry!

Mrs.Brugger
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:16 AM

I wouldn't ignore it-that might give the impression that you're OK with it. Sit down and just talk with her about it-make sure she knows how YOU feel about it, ask how SHE feels about it, be very open. ...And maybe look into making sure she has protection of some sort if they ARE sexually active.

lachiche
by Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:19 AM
I agree let her know u know for sure and respect you and your husband rules.
ambermario4ever
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:29 AM

Talk to her and make sure they are using condoms and offer to take her for bc. 

thefiregoddess
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:30 AM
BeAmour
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:47 AM

 Just give her the responsibility talk and the birds and the bees, of course. I know she knows about it but just reiterate.

angeleyes16
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:48 AM

My first question is why do you not let them go OUT alone, but you let them hang out alone at each other' houses? 

Casperstalks
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:50 AM

I'm 20 years old, gave my virginity to my boyfriend when I was almost 18... My mom always had a talk with me alone, then expained what she expected to me and my boyfriend(s) together. She always went into more detail about STD/STI's, Pregnancy, Emotions/emotional connections, etc with just me, then talked to me and my boyfriend about the money problems unplanned teenage pregnancy can create, plus the embarrassment of an STD/STI and the chance that it'll last a lifetime. My Mom started talking to me about all of this when I hit puberty, around 14yrs. I'm now 20 and only have a step-daughter. (: Hope my insight helps! BTW, as much as it was embarrassing for my mom to talk to my boyfriend as well as me, it did help manage the pressure the boy put on me. When I did have sex, it was my choice and I was in control, not the boy, and that was how she said that she hoped it would be [in a conversation later on about how 'active' I was/am]. I wish the best for you and your daughter, and sincerely hope that my possibly younger perspective has helped you!

good luck


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