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Totally SHOCKED, caught my 17 year old daughter half naked with boyfriend in house! Eeek!

Hello,

I have a 17 yr old daughter who recently just got her first bf- We have met the boy properly, and is a very nice well rounded boy. We have not let our daughter go out alone with him alone except to his home when his parents are there, mostly they just watch movies and hang out.

Today however, as they were at our house- and my husband decided to go to the store for something- I think they thought I went along because after 15 minutes I decided to get something upstairs in my room in the middle of talking to a friend on the phone- walked up the steps and passed the family room and from the corner of my eyes saw the two SCRAMBLING to get dressed. I did not see much- I think I saw him run to the bathroom across the way- But did see my daughter with only her bra on and no shirt trying to put it back on!

I was on the phone so I felt awkward to react and just kept walking... I did not say anything the entire night- not to the kids nor my husband who who'd flip if he knew! Later the boy went home said goodnight to my husband and I but looked at me a bit embarassed- then my daughter never said one word and went to her room.

I trust my daughter and the boy but kids are kids and teen hormones do sometimes trump all sensibility- we have all been there. Now I am at a loss on where /what to do from here? Do I act like nothing happened, as if I really did not see anything, do I actually tell her I saw what happened? What do I say, where do I even begin?

Do I talk to the boy too? This is all new to me as she is our eldest, so I am in the middle of wanting to be a responsible parent and also not loosing her trust and confidence to open with me on anything. Although this subject, I don't think she will freely discuss with me anytime soon.

PLEASE PLEASE I need some advice how to proceed- this is such a delicate situation- i dont know what to do. Appreciate any advice, thoughts on this... Thanks!

by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Replies (31-40):
t1gger143
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:54 AM
3 moms liked this
Time to buy her condoms and bc. Dh's dad had a theory that he'd rather us have sex in his house instead of sneaking around. He was afraid we'd get caught having sex in the car
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IQuitCounting
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 1:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Talk to her.  Let her know the truth.  You seem like you're very reasonable and open minded and even if it's awkward it's important to connect with her on this.  You don't have to push it, but don't ignore it.  Let her know you trust her, you're not mad at her, and she shouldn't be ashamed about it.  You just want her to be SAFE and SMART about it.  If you ignore it it may seem like you either A. don't care, or B. are willing to over look it all.... which is dangerous.

ballerina18
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 2:50 AM

I agree 100% with DarlaHood, especially on the part I highlighted in red!

If you can speak with your dd and not "freak out" that is the best approach! Your dd needs to feel that she can come to you to talk about this stuff! Isn't that what you would want as a teenager? It might be an uncomfortable conversation for you both, but if you can successfully talk to your dd about safe sex, birth control, and STIs then you can pat yourself on the back for being an AWESOME mommy =)

Good luck OP!

Quoting DarlaHood:

Do NOT ignore it and say nothing.  Your dd is normal.  85% of teens have sex before graduating high school.  You need to go in and talk to her, and let her know that while it did catch you off guard, and you aren't condoning it, you are not going to freak out.  Then you need to discuss with her protection, birth control options, STI's, and respecting yourself within relationships.  Is she going to feel comfortable with her choices if he dumps her tomorrow?  Has she thought this through?  Make sure you take her to get birth control.  If she says she doesn't want to talk to you about it, just let her know that's not an option.  You have to talk.  There are really reliable easy options for birth control, such as the nuva ring and patches.  With the nuva ring, they only have to remember to put it in once a month and take it out once a month.  So you don't have to rely on her remembering every day.  Get the latest STI information on line, and make sure she knows how prevalent Herpes Virus and other infections are, so she will be careful.  And tell her to be more careful and private if they don't want to create awkward situations.


KCayea
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 3:10 AM
1 mom liked this

as my mother always said.. i dont like it... but if your going to do it your going to do it anyways. just be smart. use protection and such

As for the husband.. mine already told me to keep him in the dark about that stuff lol

LisaSmock
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 5:14 AM
Don't freak out on her or she will never talk to to even if she needs help. Take her to the doc to get some BC she is 17 now days its normal.
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LisaSmock
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 5:15 AM
That kind of what my mom said too


Quoting KCayea:

as my mother always said.. i dont like it... but if your going to do it your going to do it anyways. just be smart. use protection and such


As for the husband.. mine already told me to keep him in the dark about that stuff lol


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Katiecabooble
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 7:06 AM

 I remember those days from my teenage years.  I remember my parents sitting me down and talking to me openly and honestly about sex and the consquences of "heat of the moment".  They put alot of faith in me after that talk, let me go out w/ my boyfriend who had a car.  I was 16.  Did I have sex?  Yep, but I was open and honest w/ my mother when it happened for the first time and she asked me honestly if I wanted to do it again, and I said "yes, at some point", so off the the GYN and birth control.  If I was old enough to decide to have sex, then I was old enough to take responsibilty for myself and proctect myself.  I was never to trust the boy to "handle" it. 

I think you should talk to her, openly and honestly (if that's the kind of relationship you have) and just lay out all your concerns.  Also about respect in your house, you don't want them sneeking off, but you also want her to understand that it's your home and you expect certain things to happen or not happen!  Getting nekkid w/ your boyfriend is not something anybody should walk in on, especially if you have other kids!!!

eykelley
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 7:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I was 15 wen I had sex the first time. I did it at a party, w/ a guy I barely knew. My mom never say me down, talked sbout, nothing. I am 25 now, & have had 6 partners. THANK GOD I didn't end up w/ an STD. I did however end up preggo @ 18 & a senior in high school. :/ I had to grow up real quick. Sadly we lost our dd @ 18w. HOWEVER, had I had a mom that 1) talked to me about sex 2) made it clear that she understood the desire & probability and would rather me be able to come to her rather than feel like she would lecture me 3) put me on BC... I probably would have given my virginity to someone I did care for & had a totally different memory of my first time. Plus, had some kind of relationship w/ my mom.

Giving BC to her isn't a free pass, it's a safety net. U but insurance on ur car JUST IN CASE u get into an accident, not cuz u plan to. Same thing w/ BC. Also, I would sit down & talk w/ dad. Don't tell him what u found, just that she is at that age, u feel she should be on BC, & what he wants to do if u know they are having sex. It may be his little girl, but she's all grown up.

I plan to buy DS condoms. I wish they made male BC. He'd be on it the day he hits puberty. Lol. No grand babies here till he's 18+!! Lol.
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MarcieFrank
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 7:25 AM

Face this head on and talk to her.  If you ignore it, it is making it ok in your daughters eyes.  I'm sure she kniw you know you saw them. It will be ok and your relationship will be stronger after your discussion

mattiehatter
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this

You might sit them down and talk to them both at the same time about respecting the house rules. This is embarassing for everyone involved. You might want to talk to your husband about it too and dtry to keep him calm about it. Never a ood idea to keep things from anyone.

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