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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Totally SHOCKED, caught my 17 year old daughter half naked with boyfriend in house! Eeek!

Hello,

I have a 17 yr old daughter who recently just got her first bf- We have met the boy properly, and is a very nice well rounded boy. We have not let our daughter go out alone with him alone except to his home when his parents are there, mostly they just watch movies and hang out.

Today however, as they were at our house- and my husband decided to go to the store for something- I think they thought I went along because after 15 minutes I decided to get something upstairs in my room in the middle of talking to a friend on the phone- walked up the steps and passed the family room and from the corner of my eyes saw the two SCRAMBLING to get dressed. I did not see much- I think I saw him run to the bathroom across the way- But did see my daughter with only her bra on and no shirt trying to put it back on!

I was on the phone so I felt awkward to react and just kept walking... I did not say anything the entire night- not to the kids nor my husband who who'd flip if he knew! Later the boy went home said goodnight to my husband and I but looked at me a bit embarassed- then my daughter never said one word and went to her room.

I trust my daughter and the boy but kids are kids and teen hormones do sometimes trump all sensibility- we have all been there. Now I am at a loss on where /what to do from here? Do I act like nothing happened, as if I really did not see anything, do I actually tell her I saw what happened? What do I say, where do I even begin?

Do I talk to the boy too? This is all new to me as she is our eldest, so I am in the middle of wanting to be a responsible parent and also not loosing her trust and confidence to open with me on anything. Although this subject, I don't think she will freely discuss with me anytime soon.

PLEASE PLEASE I need some advice how to proceed- this is such a delicate situation- i dont know what to do. Appreciate any advice, thoughts on this... Thanks!

by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Replies (41-50):
randomosityblog
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Why are you shocked? She's 17, get her some birth control and call it a day.

EricaG87
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:39 AM

I dont have advice with how to handle it because my kids are still little, I just came across the post in the featured posts section, but I just wanted to say that you and your daughter will laugh at this someday. When I was 17 my mom came hoe early from work my BF and I werehalf naked... maybe more... even though we had never had sex... and when we heard the door shut he grabbed his pants and pulled them up and put his shirt on but the stuff from his pockets was all over the floor. I pulled up my pants and ran into the bathroom with my shirt to put it on.  When I came out, my mom was standing there, my bf was walking out the door and my mom and I looked down at the same time and saw my bra laying on the floor... our eyes met and I walked indignantly over to my bra and pick it up.  Of course as i pick it up the hoo on the back of it hooks to a loop in the carpet and i'm pulling on it trying to pick it up, finally I get it and go to my room.  At the time it was embarassing and horrifying for both of us but now just 8 years later we can laugh about it :)

torttia
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:40 AM

Chances are that she is embarrassed and worried that you saw and will punish her. Go in and have an open convo with her. Do not judge and let her know that you are not angry. Good luck!

yupok
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 8:52 AM

My mothers sex talk was..don't do it until you're married and 26.  In that order.  Love your DH's response!!  Too funny.

Quoting KCayea:

as my mother always said.. i dont like it... but if your going to do it your going to do it anyways. just be smart. use protection and such

As for the husband.. mine already told me to keep him in the dark about that stuff lol


dreama_76
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:00 AM

This happened to me as a dumb teenager, so I feel for you.  My parents had a lot more sense to just talk to me about it instead of going through the roof.  Though, my dad( he is a very strict police officer~and can be a real jerk at times), sat me down, said under no certain terms was I ever to do that in the house again.  Told me that we all make dumb mistakes and that I would have to live with them and that if I was to think of doing anything like that, use the right precautions and use my head not my hormones and really think it over.       Which, I dropped my jaw and was in awe.   But then I had to remember, my mother got pregnant with me when she was 16 and popped me out three months after she turned 17 and had to drop out of school to take care of me.  I had to help her get her GED when I was in kindergarten and watch her struggle.    That really puts it into perspective for you.        But, if this ever happened to me, I don't think I would want to talk to my child for a few days.  I would need time to simmer down.   She just turned 17 last week.     So, I feel for you and pray it doesn't happen to me, because I wouldn't know what to do either.      Good Luck and I hope it works out in the best possible way!!!

JAIRATRACI
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:06 AM
She is going to have sex with or without birth control. She has shown you that. Do you want to be a grandma? Do you want her to be a teen mom?

Quoting DesignerMom1326:

Thank you for all your response everyone-

I did manage to speak with her. First I told her that what happened was not something I was thrilled about. It was disrespectful to us as parents and to our home. That I hope this behavior does not happen when she is at his home, as if it did it would leave an awful impression to his family on what type of girl she is - And she would not like that.

She stood there quietly and agreed. Said she was sorry. I told her this I understand is a natural thing - But I want her to be emotionally ready for this an not just doing them just because. I said that you never know if the boy is here for awhile or is this something that could possibly end after they get to that point. I said that this is a very adult decision to do- and she needs to know all the consequences. I told her that this I hope is the last time I will discuss this behavior with her. I said we allow you to have your bf over to give you some time with him under our supervision. This does not mean that once our back is turned- you can stop thinking properly on what's right. 

She seemed like she took it all well- though looking like she was embarassed and uncomfortable with the talk. I still have not told DH as he is out of town now- I feel I need to sit him and discuss tis correctly as he tends to have a very very old fashioned approach to receiving her having a BF at all. It took some time for me to get him to accept this is happening whether we like ti or not- and its best we know of it that her totally hiding it. He agreed.

It's so difficult to know what teens do at school, when theyre out... I suppose you can only hope that common sense kicks in and that you have given them enough preparation to know better.

As for BC - I know its important. Though I am on the fence on it- as I feel that if I did, what if she thinks I am giving her a free pass? I know it's more important she is safe but why do I feel getting her on BC isn't all on the good side?

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morethanamemory
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:15 AM

I dont have any teens, I just saw this in the featured posts and was reading through...

I don't understand why its such a shock when she is 17 and will soon be 18 so there is not much you can do about it then. (and knowing teens with their raging hormones)

In my personal opinion I would just do like you did and let her know it makes you uncomfertable and makes you feel disrespected with it being done in your house...and get her on BC to make sure she is safe and you all don't become grandparents anytime soon.

OkieMommyOf6
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:37 AM

i personally have not been in the situation yet, which i wont be suprised if i do ever get in it since i have 5 daughters and 1 son. but i think i would express to your daughter to make sure that this is the right decision she wants to make and if so express birth control; condoms, female birth control, the whole nine yard. kids will be kids and if you flip out on them and try to make them stop doing these things, most of the time that will make them rebel and do more carelessly. which usually results in pregnancy. i think i would also make sure she is aware of all the diseases that are associated with sex if she does not play it safe.

katzmeow726
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:38 AM

I think at this point, I would talk to her about BC, and respecting you and your DH (no sex in your home), but at 17 she's at a point where if you ban her from seeing this boy, or punish her for having sex, she will likely do all she can to go against that, or will simply wait until she's 18 and out of your home.

 

diamondgyal16
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 9:39 AM

Honestly I am so glad you are posting this. I was young when I started having sex 16 to be exact. When my mom found out she didnt talk to me she yelled at me and made me feel guilty for having these feelings. These feelings are natural. She needs to know she can come to you about these things. The only person I had to talk about sex was my friends and the last thing you want her to do is get advice from her friends about sex. Talk to her but give her space she needs to know you will be there no matter what and that you trust her to make the right decision for herself.


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