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Advice Needed: Son acts like a selfish jerk

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:39 PM
  • 36 Replies

Is it okay to tell your 15 year old son that you feel that he is being a "selfish jerk" if he is acting like one? My son has been acting this way for a long time and I have told him many times that specific behaviour is not acceptable and I won't put up with it, but he does whatever he pleases anyway.

 

by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:03 PM

Well, maybe not in those words, but I don't see a problem with reminding him that the world does NOT revolve around him.

drfink
by Emily on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:42 PM
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Quoting amonkeymom:

Well, maybe not in those words, but I don't see a problem with reminding him that the world does NOT revolve around him.

agree. Though with my oldest there were a couple of times after much parent talk I just said  he was behaving just like a thoughtless ,selfish jerk and it made me sad.He was shocked ,mumbled and stuttered and kind of stalked off but he had a change in attitude.I think harsh words if used very ,very ,seldom and only when nothing at all works can be effective and catch their attention.

He has grown into an outstanding young man.He is 28 and  if he is in town will get on his teen brothers if they are behaving anything close to the way he did when I said that to him...lol...because according to him he never had attitude as a teen ...LOL

Hang in there and good luck.

tyfry7496
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I have told my 16 year old that. He was shocked enough to change his attitude. At this age they are old enough to hear cold harsh reality.
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21lisa72
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes I know it may not sound nice. I try not to let it get to me but my 12 1/2 yo with ADHD is just starting to be extremely and mouthy and bossy to me. It is very hard to change him. I ground him I take things away etc. sometimes I just straight out say Brett you are acting like a disrespectful jerk! Not the best wording I know probably verbal abuse I need to stop! I am at my whits end but sometimes I think he needs to hear it he is straight up mean! I also tell him that! I never hit him. I was physically and verbally abused as a child and I never wanted to do this. I know I am repeating history and need to stop. I am in counceling and we start to see a family psychologist in January! The thing is he won't dare to talk to me like this when my husband is home. I think in your case as well it could be age him wanting to be like an adult. Try to enforce rules add punishments chores around the house. Maybe some counceling maybe something is going on stressing him out that he doesn't want to talk to you about. Teens really have alot of pressures to live up to. I guess we just have to try to be as understanding as we can?
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tulipkitty
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 10:04 PM
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Sounds like my 15 year old son! Find an answer let me know!

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 22, 2012 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes, tell him.
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lazyd
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 11:57 PM

I too am just like this.  I HATE how verbally abusive i am too.  My son is 10 and adhd and im certain that my son's attitude will also only get worse has he hits puberty!  Our whole family is also is family therapy. 

Quoting 21lisa72:

Yes I know it may not sound nice. I try not to let it get to me but my 12 1/2 yo with ADHD is just starting to be extremely and mouthy and bossy to me. It is very hard to change him. I ground him I take things away etc. sometimes I just straight out say Brett you are acting like a disrespectful jerk! Not the best wording I know probably verbal abuse I need to stop! I am at my whits end but sometimes I think he needs to hear it he is straight up mean! I also tell him that! I never hit him. I was physically and verbally abused as a child and I never wanted to do this. I know I am repeating history and need to stop. I am in counceling and we start to see a family psychologist in January! The thing is he won't dare to talk to me like this when my husband is home. I think in your case as well it could be age him wanting to be like an adult. Try to enforce rules add punishments chores around the house. Maybe some counceling maybe something is going on stressing him out that he doesn't want to talk to you about. Teens really have alot of pressures to live up to. I guess we just have to try to be as understanding as we can?


ashbeth78
by New Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 7:37 AM
1 mom liked this
My son is 16 he will be 17 in January he was diagnosed with one of the most severe cases of ADHD that the child psychologist had ever seen at the age of 4. He has his times when he is an extremely selfish jerk & a****le to say the least & I've had at time to tell him exactly the way he's acting & what he's doing to act that way. The thing is with kids who have ADHD their desire or what they want over rides most everything else in their brain it has something to do the the impulsive way their brain work & you have to remind them that they aren't the only people in the family. I know it that talking & being tough with my son works with somethings as in his mouth & him being selfish & ugly to me & others. I hope this helps
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21lisa72
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 8:03 AM

 

Quoting lazyd:

I too am just like this.  I HATE how verbally abusive i am too.  My son is 10 and adhd and im certain that my son's attitude will also only get worse has he hits puberty!  Our whole family is also is family therapy. 

Quoting 21lisa72:

Yes I know it may not sound nice. I try not to let it get to me but my 12 1/2 yo with ADHD is just starting to be extremely and mouthy and bossy to me. It is very hard to change him. I ground him I take things away etc. sometimes I just straight out say Brett you are acting like a disrespectful jerk! Not the best wording I know probably verbal abuse I need to stop! I am at my whits end but sometimes I think he needs to hear it he is straight up mean! I also tell him that! I never hit him. I was physically and verbally abused as a child and I never wanted to do this. I know I am repeating history and need to stop. I am in counceling and we start to see a family psychologist in January! The thing is he won't dare to talk to me like this when my husband is home. I think in your case as well it could be age him wanting to be like an adult. Try to enforce rules add punishments chores around the house. Maybe some counceling maybe something is going on stressing him out that he doesn't want to talk to you about. Teens really have alot of pressures to live up to. I guess we just have to try to be as understanding as we can?

 Do you think the family therapy helps?  Because I am unsure how my son will participate.  I dont want to sound negative before it happens but e tends to blame his outburts on me,  Like well I talked to you this waybecause you were doing this and it bothered me etc.  My constant answer is it doesnt matter what I do I am the parent he is the child and he needs to learn to respect me no matter what.  I know that it cant ake things anyworse.  I know it can get worse and Ineed to get on top of things now because I have read statistically that adhd kids have a higher chance for authoritative problems in life.  The thing is at this point, thank God his teachers say despite occasional frustrations with work levels that are just too difficult for him where he will just shut down (because he also has several learning disabilities) his behavior is very good.  He has also been playing hockey since 7 which they say is a great sport for adhd kids and is now the goalie which takes great concentration, his coaches say he always listens well and follows direction.  So the problem is only at home and mostly with me.  My husband which is his stepdad thinks it is the way I interact with him so I really need to change.  It is very hard as you know and I always have a small piece in the back of my mind because he was a 31 week preemie.  We both almost died during an emergen csection and he had alot of touch and go moments.  I had alot of guilt with that for along time bcause my body coul not sustain the pregnancy and i know his disabilities are related  to his prematurity.

Well sorry this was long I just felt good to vent to a fellow mom that has some understanding of my situation!

 

Redsalamander73
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I too have the same problems with my 15 year old son. I started reading a book someone on this sight recommended, it's called "Hold on to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" I'm finding it very helpful so far. I would recommend reading it. I found it on Amazon.

Also, I was reading that your son has ADHD, my son does too. There is a lot of mention in the book about children with ADHD.

Good Luck!

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