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Advice Needed: Son acts like a selfish jerk

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Is it okay to tell your 15 year old son that you feel that he is being a "selfish jerk" if he is acting like one? My son has been acting this way for a long time and I have told him many times that specific behaviour is not acceptable and I won't put up with it, but he does whatever he pleases anyway.

 

by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Replies (21-30):
Mom2Boys9501
by Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 12:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes it's ok to tell him that and in those words too. Kids act like the world revolves around them because we act like we have to pussy foot around them. The way I see it if you are man enough to act like a jerk then you are man enough to hear what people think about your behavior.

2babys2mamas
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 1:34 PM
If you are telling him that his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated, what consequences come with that? Are there any? Making the punishment fit the crime is always a good idea. If he is going to be selfish and self absorbed, maybe sign him up on the weekends to volunteer for habitat for humanity, and put his lil butt to work!
DarlaHood
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 4:34 PM

If he's in counseling and it's not helping, perhaps you need to find a different counselor.  Also ADHD requires more consistent parenting and boundaries, so understanding is one thing, but hopefully you are not backing off on the boundaries.  I highly recommend family therapy.  You can just put him in therapy, but the truth is that kids don't develop CD and other behavioral issues in a vacuum.  He will do better if the whole family is willing to evaluate and make changes.  You may be unwittingly contributing to his issues.

Quoting Lorena:

My 14yr old and 13 yr old are like this. I am a little more understanding of my 13 yr old he was diagnost with severe Adha at the age of 6, depression this yr. He is also CD. He is in counseling but it's not helping. Mentally he is 7 but his body is 13. As for my 14yr old he can just be mean and disrespectful. I have told him, grounded him but he doesnt change errr.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Nov. 24, 2012 at 5:34 PM

I no longer have a problem with informing my son he's being a selfish jerk.

Lorena
by Member on Nov. 24, 2012 at 7:30 PM
No we are all in counseling separate and as a family as well dh and together. We live at the counseling office we are there so much. No we do not give him leeway he get punished for his wrong doings just in a different way. Thus is his 5th counselor that he has gone to. And 3rd for his medication. We do know a pin point of when the major problums started so we are currently working on those issues just not sure if I am mentally prepared for what I feel is going to be a step in helping him. But that is another story.

Quoting DarlaHood:

If he's in counseling and it's not helping, perhaps you need to find a different counselor.  Also ADHD requires more consistent parenting and boundaries, so understanding is one thing, but hopefully you are not backing off on the boundaries.  I highly recommend family therapy.  You can just put him in therapy, but the truth is that kids don't develop CD and other behavioral issues in a vacuum.  He will do better if the whole family is willing to evaluate and make changes.  You may be unwittingly contributing to his issues.

Quoting Lorena:

My 14yr old and 13 yr old are like this. I am a little more understanding of my 13 yr old he was diagnost with severe Adha at the age of 6, depression this yr. He is also CD. He is in counseling but it's not helping. Mentally he is 7 but his body is 13. As for my 14yr old he can just be mean and disrespectful. I have told him, grounded him but he doesnt change errr.


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DarlaHood
by on Nov. 24, 2012 at 11:07 PM

Sounds like a complicated situation.  I applaud you for sticking with the counseling and trying.  I wish you the best. 

Quoting Lorena:

No we are all in counseling separate and as a family as well dh and together. We live at the counseling office we are there so much. No we do not give him leeway he get punished for his wrong doings just in a different way. Thus is his 5th counselor that he has gone to. And 3rd for his medication. We do know a pin point of when the major problums started so we are currently working on those issues just not sure if I am mentally prepared for what I feel is going to be a step in helping him. But that is another story.

Quoting DarlaHood:

If he's in counseling and it's not helping, perhaps you need to find a different counselor.  Also ADHD requires more consistent parenting and boundaries, so understanding is one thing, but hopefully you are not backing off on the boundaries.  I highly recommend family therapy.  You can just put him in therapy, but the truth is that kids don't develop CD and other behavioral issues in a vacuum.  He will do better if the whole family is willing to evaluate and make changes.  You may be unwittingly contributing to his issues.

Quoting Lorena:

My 14yr old and 13 yr old are like this. I am a little more understanding of my 13 yr old he was diagnost with severe Adha at the age of 6, depression this yr. He is also CD. He is in counseling but it's not helping. Mentally he is 7 but his body is 13. As for my 14yr old he can just be mean and disrespectful. I have told him, grounded him but he doesnt change errr.



Nols
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 12:49 AM
1 mom liked this

It's awful how disrespect and the feeling of entitlement is becoming a world wide trend with kids these days.  I really am thinking hard of moving away from "civilization" and going to live on a farm where the kids can work for what they eat and learn that "things" are not the same as necessaties  .  We struggle so much to provide for them and miss out on the time we need to spend with them. 

I know exactly how you feel when you realise that they are badmouthing you to their friends.  I have started writing in a journal exactly how I feel at the end of every day saying exactly how my day went, how the kids behaved and what they were up to, and how they made me feel.  Sometimes my language is really bad!!!  It helps to write about it and it also helps me to keep track of how the kids behaviour is changing.  I always forget what happened and then my hubby gets mad at me coz I forgot that my son was supposed to be punished for 1 week and 3 days have only gone by.  At least by writing it down it helps me to remember.

Who the heck do these kids think they are anyway that they expect the latest gadget or latest outfit???  My mom made my clothes when I was younger, and she would have taken my head off if I had spoken to her like my kids talk to me.  Sometimes I think we try so hard not to be like our parents were that we overcompensate. 

Anyway, it's really great to chat with other moms who know what you're going through.  It makes all the difference. group hug

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:48 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting sunflowers12:

your darn right its ok.. can you imagine if we acted the way our kids do to our parents back in the day how far it would have gotten us!! heck my mom just kick me out of her house when ever she would get tired of me.. my mom wished me away so much that eventually i moved 2000 miles away!! with her blessing at 17 so that how it worked for me back in the day... and the only thing my father was concerned about was know longer paying child support and making darn sure my mom was know longer getting well fare for me anymore...

today's kids have the sense of entitlements like i am suppose to buy then all the bells and whistles when we are struggling to keep our heads above water.. i clean for a living and my bus, is not doing that great at all now my dh works and has a pretty good job it only took him 15 years to get to the point and additional 9 years to get to where he is at this present day... so its very frustrating to hear my 15 year old call me a bi*** because i cant afford to buy him a car!!!  or that's what his friends call me because of it.. but you know that tells me how he speaks of me to his friends.. if he didn't feel that way about me he would say know she not she is a hard working mom and has always been there for myself and bro/sis and worked selflessly to be sure that they had what they need and want when we could afford it... but if he said that he wouldn't be a 15 year old he would be 30 or so!!! so its the age and the way kids seem to be now a days... i ask nothing of my kids because they act like their being killed to do tasks or choirs that we as kids had no choice and cps wasn't breathing down our parents back.. its amazing how kids are today not a care for anyone but them self... i know i was a sh** head when i was a kid but i also remember hosing off every once in a while and doing good/nice things for my mom too.. the most i can hope for is that the don't donate my body to science when i die ...sticking out tonguethis is what i say to them when their acting this way...

Oh, you are so... right! This is what my dh are dealing with now with our 14 yo dd.  The problem is it makes it so... hard for parents wanting to instill this into our kids when there are 90% of the parents either because they have the money (it's not good to overindulge even... if you have oodles & oodles of money) or parents who DON'T have the money but are going in hock or NEARLY in hock to buy their kids all the as you say 'bells & whistles' for their kids.  We are such a minority.  We DID buy our dd more things than we should have that now sit & collect dust (a wii, clothes, sports gear, etc. and now we don't buy as much and kids get used to it and you know about 'BUTTON PUSHING'. Original poster, don't feel bad you weren't name calling you were telling the truth...!!!

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 3:04 PM

hugstough love sometimes is needed as well as hard truth!

Mrsblazae
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 4:04 PM

My son also acts like a shellfish brat he's 14 n thinks he knows it all n to top it off he has become such a potty mouth n every time a call him out on it he says sorry n 10mins later he's cursing again 

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