Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Question for those with adult children as well as teens

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:39 PM
  • 22 Replies
I have 2 adult kids, both boys, as well as 3 younger boys. My oldest is 23 and currently away at school. My 19 yr old graduated high school last year but decided to go back for a 5th year since he hasn't decided if he wants to go to college, so he is still living at home. Now, the issue is, he is always fighting with my 16 yr old and it seems like he is always picking at him. Since he is 19 and an adult would you deal with this differently then you would if it was your younger kids acting like this? My oldest rarely did this when he was living at home full time so I'm not really sure how to handle this. How would you handle it?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 10:39 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
orngblsm
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Just because he is now an "adult" doesn't mean your house rules get suspended.  If you didn't allow it when he was underage, you shouldn't allow it now that he is older.  Part of his problem may be that he is feeling insecure about his future.  Sort of an "I graduated, now what?" issue.  Regardless of whether or not he is in school (since when is a 5th year optional in high school after graduation?  He has passed his classes, he should be done.), he needs to either go to school (trade school may be a better option for him) or get a job and help the household out financially.  He is an adult now, for better or worse, and if he doesn't want to abide by the house rules and be civil to family members, he is welcome to make his own way in the world.

atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:03 AM
Make your rules, even for adult kids. Abide by them or move out.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:16 AM

If he's picking on his 16 year old brother he is not acting like an adult.  As long as he is under your roof he should follow your rules

Does he have a job?  Why didn't he go to the community college instead of a 5th year of high school?


BMomTo5
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:26 AM
He doesn't have a job right now. The school allows them to go back for any classes they need to pick up or to improve their grade in a class or two to get into college so that is what he decided to do.

Quoting vlynn.iowa:

If he's picking on his 16 year old brother he is not acting like an adult.  As long as he is under your roof he should follow your rules

Does he have a job?  Why didn't he go to the community college instead of a 5th year of high school?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:33 AM
Is he really improving and taking school seriously or is he postponing being an adult.


Quoting BMomTo5:

He doesn't have a job right now. The school allows them to go back for any classes they need to pick up or to improve their grade in a class or two to get into college so that is what he decided to do.



Quoting vlynn.iowa:

If he's picking on his 16 year old brother he is not acting like an adult.  As long as he is under your roof he should follow your rules

Does he have a job?  Why didn't he go to the community college instead of a 5th year of high school?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BMomTo5
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:43 AM
I think he is taking it seriously, he goes to every class and is getting good grades. My oldest didn't decide he was going to go to college until he was 20 because that was when he was ready to go, so I don't want to push him into going if he isn't ready, but if he isn't in school he does need to find a job.

Quoting atlmom2:

Is he really improving and taking school seriously or is he postponing being an adult.




Quoting BMomTo5:

He doesn't have a job right now. The school allows them to go back for any classes they need to pick up or to improve their grade in a class or two to get into college so that is what he decided to do.





Quoting vlynn.iowa:

If he's picking on his 16 year old brother he is not acting like an adult.  As long as he is under your roof he should follow your rules

Does he have a job?  Why didn't he go to the community college instead of a 5th year of high school?



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:52 AM

My adult children and my adult teens all follow house rules. House rules are for the benefit of the whole family...I have very young kids still. They understand and they respect that, if they act childish I call them out on it, if they want to break rules then there are consequences. 

MrsBLB
by Missi on Nov. 26, 2012 at 12:43 PM

Same rules for all.  

Wyndi
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:13 PM

 House rules still stand. If they can't follow the rules and are over 18 its there is the door. 

 

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:13 PM

There is no 5 years of high school...high school is a 4 year thing and if a child don't graduate with in those 4 years any any reason they must go to an adult program so I do not believe your son went back for a 5 year...Bull!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)