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What would you do?

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 12:04 AM
  • 14 Replies

Okay so here's the thing. My sister has a teenage daughter (14 years old) and last Wednesday while she and I were at the grocery store getting the last few items before the holiday, she got a phonecall from the school that her daughter (my neice) had been suspended and was told to come to her school to pick her up. She and I went to the school where she spoke to the asistant principal who informed her that my neice had been caught engaging in sexual acts with two boys, yes not one but TWO young boys her age. Imagine our shock. Apparently they'd gone into one of the restrooms and locked the door from the inside , anyway someone noticed the doors were locked and sent a janitor to open them and there she was with these two boys. Needless to say my sister was horrified... They've had the sex talk and my sister is pretty open with her daughter, she's raised two other kids who are more or less adults now (21 and 19). she knows she can talk to her mom about anything so it's not an issue where she doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Obviously it's concerning for any parent when your 14 year old daughter is having sex, she's too young and is not ready to deal with all the possible consequences of such an act. I mean there are STD's and early pregnancies etc, all of which my sister has explained to her. At this point my sister is at a complete lost for what to do, she keeps asking me, and it's by far the hardest question someone has asked me. My daugter is only 10 years old, and she's still playing with her barbies and watching cartoons so I really don't have much advise for her (usually she's the one giving me advice). So I was wondering if any moms here who have dealt with anything remotely similar or even if you haven't and you feel like you might have a clue. 

by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 12:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bizzeemom2717
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 2:59 AM
Honestly I haven't a clue, it sounds like a cry for help or attention to me? Does this girl have any outside interests besides school hobbies, sports, a positive social life? How active of a role does her mom play in her life? Her Dad? If any of those areas have red flags I would suggest counseling? Good luck she is so young that's sad. :(
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annie2244
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 7:34 AM
2 moms liked this

What has the girl said was her reason for this? To me it speaks of really low self esteem issues and perhaps the wrong group of girlfriends. A tightknit group of girlfriends who support each other and all have plans for doing well in hs and then heading for college is a great deterrent.

If it was my kid, I'd have a ton of talks with her to figure out what is going on in her head, get her into some counseling to help her figure out what is going on with her, and do a critical assessment of all her behavior - the quality of her girlfriends, what her teachers & administrators, say she is like in class and hallways, and what I know her to be like at home. ratchet up dramatically the time she spends at home or with very carefully selected friends, and look strongly at a transfer to a small very tightly managed charter school with fabulous test scores, or a small parochial school (regardless of my religious persuasion).  Since there's a couple weeks before christmas break left, I would be calling 3-4 schools that match this description today, finding out if transferring in right after the holidays is possible, what the cost/scholarship options are, and make an appointment to visit 2-3 places next wk with me and the DH, and then making an appt for her to spend a day shadowing at the top 2 choices the wk after,  and telling my kid she hasn't a choice in the matter except to indicate her preference for which place she is transferring to out of the choices I present to her. I'd have the place selected by Dec 15 and the paperwork submitted the day before the last day possible.

This activity at 14 doesn't bode well for the rest of high school, so I'd be aggressive at changing her environment in ways large and small.

Lovingmyny
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:40 AM
What she said girls don't have any role models any more, and peer pressure is so much worst now. Tell your sister to pray pray pray and put it all in GOD's hands he will guide you through any thing.


Quoting annie2244:

What has the girl said was her reason for this? To me it speaks of really low self esteem issues and perhaps the wrong group of girlfriends. A tightknit group of girlfriends who support each other and all have plans for doing well in hs and then heading for college is a great deterrent.


If it was my kid, I'd have a ton of talks with her to figure out what is going on in her head, get her into some counseling to help her figure out what is going on with her, and do a critical assessment of all her behavior - the quality of her girlfriends, what her teachers & administrators, say she is like in class and hallways, and what I know her to be like at home. ratchet up dramatically the time she spends at home or with very carefully selected friends, and look strongly at a transfer to a small very tightly managed charter school with fabulous test scores, or a small parochial school (regardless of my religious persuasion).  Since there's a couple weeks before christmas break left, I would be calling 3-4 schools that match this description today, finding out if transferring in right after the holidays is possible, what the cost/scholarship options are, and make an appointment to visit 2-3 places next wk with me and the DH, and then making an appt for her to spend a day shadowing at the top 2 choices the wk after,  and telling my kid she hasn't a choice in the matter except to indicate her preference for which place she is transferring to out of the choices I present to her. I'd have the place selected by Dec 15 and the paperwork submitted the day before the last day possible.


This activity at 14 doesn't bode well for the rest of high school, so I'd be aggressive at changing her environment in ways large and small.


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atlmom2
by Susie on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Wow, counseling. Not the norm. That was not her first time. Gutsy to do that at school.
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Zamaria
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:14 AM
If I was a stay at home mom, I'd pull her out of school and homeschool her immediately, at least for the rest of this year. I'd also get her to a counselor and wouldn't allow her to return to school until the counselor felt she was ready.
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cat4458
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Wow, I feel so badly for your sister. 2 boys? She doesn't feel very good about herself. Tell your sister she needs counseling fast....! Hopefully she's already seeing someone. Yes, and as someone else said lots of prayer!

mommybug77
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 1:49 PM
She would be at home doing virtual school. Life as she knew it would be over.
Barabell
by Barbara on Nov. 26, 2012 at 3:09 PM

I agree with this advice. Good luck to your sister, and I hope that her daughter starts to make better choices from this point forward.

Quoting annie2244:

What has the girl said was her reason for this? To me it speaks of really low self esteem issues and perhaps the wrong group of girlfriends. A tightknit group of girlfriends who support each other and all have plans for doing well in hs and then heading for college is a great deterrent.

If it was my kid, I'd have a ton of talks with her to figure out what is going on in her head, get her into some counseling to help her figure out what is going on with her, and do a critical assessment of all her behavior - the quality of her girlfriends, what her teachers & administrators, say she is like in class and hallways, and what I know her to be like at home. ratchet up dramatically the time she spends at home or with very carefully selected friends, and look strongly at a transfer to a small very tightly managed charter school with fabulous test scores, or a small parochial school (regardless of my religious persuasion).  Since there's a couple weeks before christmas break left, I would be calling 3-4 schools that match this description today, finding out if transferring in right after the holidays is possible, what the cost/scholarship options are, and make an appointment to visit 2-3 places next wk with me and the DH, and then making an appt for her to spend a day shadowing at the top 2 choices the wk after,  and telling my kid she hasn't a choice in the matter except to indicate her preference for which place she is transferring to out of the choices I present to her. I'd have the place selected by Dec 15 and the paperwork submitted the day before the last day possible.

This activity at 14 doesn't bode well for the rest of high school, so I'd be aggressive at changing her environment in ways large and small.


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:52 PM

She is looking for attention....and getting it.    I would get her counseling, asap.  She needs a self esteem boost.





Troubleswife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:00 PM
This. I'd also start counseling right away and birth control shots so I'd KNOW she was at least protected in that way.

Quoting annie2244:

What has the girl said was her reason for this? To me it speaks of really low self esteem issues and perhaps the wrong group of girlfriends. A tightknit group of girlfriends who support each other and all have plans for doing well in hs and then heading for college is a great deterrent.


If it was my kid, I'd have a ton of talks with her to figure out what is going on in her head, get her into some counseling to help her figure out what is going on with her, and do a critical assessment of all her behavior - the quality of her girlfriends, what her teachers & administrators, say she is like in class and hallways, and what I know her to be like at home. ratchet up dramatically the time she spends at home or with very carefully selected friends, and look strongly at a transfer to a small very tightly managed charter school with fabulous test scores, or a small parochial school (regardless of my religious persuasion).  Since there's a couple weeks before christmas break left, I would be calling 3-4 schools that match this description today, finding out if transferring in right after the holidays is possible, what the cost/scholarship options are, and make an appointment to visit 2-3 places next wk with me and the DH, and then making an appt for her to spend a day shadowing at the top 2 choices the wk after,  and telling my kid she hasn't a choice in the matter except to indicate her preference for which place she is transferring to out of the choices I present to her. I'd have the place selected by Dec 15 and the paperwork submitted the day before the last day possible.


This activity at 14 doesn't bode well for the rest of high school, so I'd be aggressive at changing her environment in ways large and small.

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