When my son got his first computer it was from his grandma and we didn't put parental controls on, shame on me! Well now I see that he is downloading things he shouldn't have on his computer, like pirated stuff. Not only that, he spends every waking moment, he can, on computer games. We want to give him a new gaming computer, but have seriously thought about the parental controls and decided we need more control. He is 14 and he is livid that we want control, he thinks that his knowledge supercedes ours in this subject! I don't know how to settle this without him thinking that we don't trust him, but we have to take this authority. How to keep him safe and happy is beyond me? Any ideas?
Your job is NOT to make him happy. Your job is to keep him safe. NO, you DON'T trust him. What parent in their right mind WOULD trust a 14yo boy? PS: He's probably been surfing porn, too. If you've gotten viruses it's from the porn as much as the pirated stuff.
Do what you need to do. Don't give in to him. Don't listen to his complaints. The next time he says "I want", say, "People in hell want icewater. Keep it up, and what you WILL get is NOTHING at all. No puter, no gaming system, no smart phone, not even paper and pencil."
I don't trust him. He seems to misunderstand that this is to control him, not help him. He is so difficult, because he is mildly autistic and I'm not sure if how I'm doing it (parenting) right.
He already showed you he couldn't be trusted. Put the parental controls on there and if he fusses tell him he doesn't have to use the computer.
If he's not doing or planning on doing anything wrong then the parental controlls wont bother him at all. He can still do normal stuff and it won't interfere. If he'd rather nothing over a system with parental controlls that is always fine. Him downloading pirated stuff can actually get you in trouble. Just remember even after you put the parental controlls to keep an eye on his activity. My kids have had computers since before they could talk and getting around parental controlls would be an easy task for them.
I keep tabs on all my kids stuff on the computer.
Quoting atlmom2:
In HS the computer was only in publc areas. School nights comouter was for school only. My girls never had their own computer till after hs. He is 14. Tell him the rules or no computer at all. Do you really trust a 14 yo??
No 14 year old can be trusted
Use the parental controls. We even have ours set so the computers go off automatically at certain times of the day. My boys would play games all the time otherwise.
You stated that your son is autistic, if you don't already have a set schedule/routine for him say from after school until bed time, make a visual one and post it. Do the same thing with the house rules if you have to. Also check your local area for wraparound services, they can help you with the behaviors he displays. Stand your ground with the rules you set and follow through with consequences. Don't give in to negative behaviors because it's easier or you don't want to fight because you may actually be reinforcing them. Good luck and hang in there.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:
It sounds like he's manipulating using the "why don't you trust me?" Line so you won't control his Internet access. Not only is that ridiculous it's unsafe he's a 14 year old boy, it's your job as a parent to protect him. His job is to follow rules (not agree with them) if he wants privileges. I wouldn't continue arguing just state the facts unemotionally and leave it at that end of story
Great advice!
I cannot stand her best friend.....
- MissApple234
on Dec. 3, 2012 at 11:11 PM