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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I have a situation that I don't know how to deal with...

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:19 AM
  • 26 Replies

 My 16 yo son wasn't doing good in school last year.  He failed two classes, and they would have to be repeated.  He couldn't concentrate in the high school.  In my state, they have an online virtual school that they receive a diploma in the same 4 years.  I signed him up with this.  It didn't work out.  My son is a hands on kind of kid and loves to work with his hands.  He came to me and asked if he could get his GED.  After considering it for awhile, I agreed to let him take the GED classes to take his GED test.  He started the classes a month ago and scored off the charts in his pretests.  So he is now done with classes and will be taking the GED test in January.  He turns 17 in January as well. 

He is a great kid.  He doesn't drink, smoke or drugs.  He works two jobs, does his chores and does everything asked of him.  The only thing he has done has gotten two speeding tickets which he paid for himself and has learned his lesson.

Here is my situation.  My late husband(his father) was killed in 2008 and my son has struggled with this for 4 years now.  He has wanted to go to this vocational school (where his father went to school) seven hours away for as long as I remember.  I have talked to the school and they accept GED's and we have received all the information and they said he could start in Spring of 2013.  We are going to visit the school in February to make sure he still wants to go there.  My problem is everybody I know is asking if I'm ready for him to leave that far away and at his age.  My son would have been a senior next year and would turn 18 during this time.  I told them that if I make him wait for a year, I think that my son will decide not to attend school.  I don't want my kid to have to work dead end jobs for the rest of his life and think that is the best thing for him.  We have looked at other vocational schools around our area, but don't offer the program that my son wants to do.  I don't want him to be so far away, but I want my son to succeed in life and if this is what I have to let him do then that's what I need to do. 

His brother is a year behind him and has already decided to join the military when he graduates.  This is something he has wanted to do since he was in the 7th grade.  I have tried changing his mind, but its hasn't worked.  His cousin is currently serving in the military and he has tried telling him to go a different route, but he still stands his ground.  He is currently in the MCROTC program at the school and this has helped his grades and dealing with his emotions of losing his dad.  I have accepted the fact that this is my youngest future.

I'm tired of everyone asking questions.  I have raised my two boys to be independent and able to make decisions.  I believe that my oldest can handle going to school now.  Like I told my sister, if he gets there and can't handle being so far away from family and friends, he can come back home.  She said well then he will have loans to pay back.  I said that will be a bridge we will have to cross if it comes to it. 

Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts?

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:29 AM

BUMP!

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

You know your son better then anyone. He just might be ready, it sounds like he lives pretty independant now, so it probably won't be much different. I guess this is one of those times where you let go and see what happens.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

You know your sons better than anyone, probably better than themselves.  If you think it is worth it to try and let him become independent then let him!  A vocational school, does it have housing?  My question would be this, he had such a difficult time dealing with his father's death, is going to this school going to help or hurt him?  Is he trying to make his dad proud by going there or is it truly what he wants to do?  Those would be my concerns.  Good luck!

cjsix
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There are many ups and downs through out a marriage and our lives but,if we fight for what we care about most we can make it and find our hearts home <3
Today at 3:02 AM
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:52 AM
2 moms liked this

 Momma,you are doing a great job! You have raised son whom despite the heartbreak of losing their father have continued to grow,mature and learn. Your oldest may or may not be ready to be that far away but,neither of you will truely know  unless you allow him to try. Let him know that even if he would decide he wants to wait,whether before or after getting there it is ok to come home and try again later.

proudmommy367
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:54 AM


Quoting fantasticfour:

You know your sons better than anyone, probably better than themselves.  If you think it is worth it to try and let him become independent then let him!  A vocational school, does it have housing?  My question would be this, he had such a difficult time dealing with his father's death, is going to this school going to help or hurt him?  Is he trying to make his dad proud by going there or is it truly what he wants to do?  Those would be my concerns.  Good luck!


It does have dorm housing and they have a meal plan.  Both of our boys were mommy's boys until they were about 4 yrs old and then became daddy's boys.  They were very close to their dad. They did everything together.  He truly wants to go to this school.  He will be in a totally different program then what his dad did, but of course wants to make his dad proud at the same time.  Thank you. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Kids who skip a grade attend college young.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
arilolojrsmom
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:59 AM

 From the sounds of it...you are doing an amazing job with both of your boys. As long as you show your son supposrt then he should be fine and like you said if he wants to come home he can. And as far as paying back loans they work with you if he does decided to come back home. 

singlemom416
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Tell every one to shut the hell up and worry about their own damn kids/family. Sounds to me you have raised 2 great boys on their way to becoming great men.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:36 AM

It sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders and knows what he wants and how to go after it.  Don't listen to the naysayers.  You alone know what is right for your son and if he's ready, let him go for it.

Roo1234
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 12:38 PM
frankly, I would stop using the conversation with them. if they have a new, valid concern answer it. otherwise, simply change the subject. the reality is that those questioning you are doing it if sincere concern but you don't owe them an explanation.
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