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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

She said it

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:47 PM
  • 14 Replies

well my dd said the worst thing i could ever hear.I DONT NEED A MOM!!!!Plz help me get thew this

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
02nana07
by Ida on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 If they don't hate you and think they don't need you at least once you aren't doing your job as a parent. 

Feel proud she thinks you raised her well enough that she can make it by herself.   But remember she still needs you when something goes wrong she will realize how much.

gonecrazi
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:06 PM

 I would have asked who was going to take care of her without a mom? 

midnightmom5
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:21 PM

well I did ask and she said ill have my ways I live for my kids like most moms and hearing those words killed me inside i mean she is only 16 I knew that I would have my battles but i never imagine those words  well i thought that for a few days even though it will be very hard for me to do I think im going to ignore her and my husband will still be here to keep her from doing anything she is not supposed to do any opions on that  

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:09 AM

She's just mad.  I would wait until you calmed down and write up a lease for her detailing the rules of the house, her rent, utilities, food, etc.  When she gets pissed off and says she can't pay that then I would tell her I guess you do need a mom after all.

Or you can just let it roll off your back and know that she doesn't mean it and just wanted to hurt you because she's a teenager.

Msgme
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:24 AM

those t ypes of comments are so  normal.  Kids especially at your dd's age think they are all grown.  gotta just let it roll off  and not let it get to you. 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:35 AM
Don't take it to heart, let it just roll off you. Don't let her know that it hurt you, just continue on as normal. Teenagers do this to try to get a rise out of us, not because they really mean it.
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annie2244
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:56 AM

Teens, especially older teens nearing age 18, are supposed to push back at our efforts to control them. I would tell her, in a calm moment later, that it is normal and healthy for her to push back, in the next 7 yrs or so the two of you will keep redefining the parent:child relationship, and you each won't always have it exactly right, and even if it is exactly right for the situation, she or you may be a bit uncomfortable with it. BUT these changes in oversight and desire for oversight are no excuse for rudeness and hurting feelings.

I would tell her " It's much nicer to have instead said "I feel l need more space', or 'I think your rule about my doing x is too strict'. When you make a comment that completely negates me and us, it hurts my feelings AND it doesn't accomplish anything. If you're annoyed, identify specifically what you want changed, and ask for it nicely, and we can negotiate."

She's frustrated and lashed out, you took it personally and retreated. Help her learn a better way of expressing needs and negotiating change. It's a great lesson in relationship management that will help her in her adult life as well. 

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:03 AM

They all say that...I say boohoo to my kids when they say that!

midnightmom5
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:03 AM

I have got alot of great advice thnks ladys 

Refurbished
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I would have responded with, "Great!  Since you don't need me anymore, I don't have to buy your clothes, or fix your food, or drive you to school anymore.  How wonderful!  I'm going to go on vacation because you can do all of that by yourself."

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