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My 20 yr old daughter and her 31 yr old ''friend''

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:50 AM
  • 35 Replies

Where to start..i hate the relationship she has with this guy although she claims they r jus ''friends''...she's always speakin 2 him on d phone...droppin out somewhere after class at university n meetin him..claims she went to get sumtin 2 eat n came home sighhh U see, i'm very religious n i would love my daughter 2 be sum1 who shares d same religious interest..this guy smokes, drinks, lime, n we always hearin stuff about him concernin other girls (den he tells her sum lyin story which she believes :/ ) plus he living with a 19 yr old girl n dey hav 2 kids 2gether...d last 1 was born june dis yr..maybe my child is STUPID n dont realise d kind of damage n hurt she can cause his baby mama although HE doesnt seem 2 care...u knw d kind of guy dat treats girls amyway dey feel because d girl depends on dem? plus i heard he beated her in d road already...i cant sleep at nite thinkin abt their ''friendship'' cuz she moves like she's in love and does be on edge if she doesnt get a call frm him wen d day comes!!

i am really perplexed cuz he shows her a different side...n he is really a scumbag...i hope she doesnt cause him 2 leave his child mother cuz there's no where in hell i'm goin 2 let her wreck a family plus ruin her life...i mean ''living together'' is 4 mature ppl and she is so beautiful, intelligent, humble nice personality n YOUNG (compared 2 him)..y cant she love sum1 who is single n younger!! :/ n drop dis guy friend wit all dis baggage!!

by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 8:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?

Shea1967
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh boy BAD BAD BAD. I hope you talk to her about birth control even though you are religious. Your daughter does not need to be pregnant mom #2 with this guy.
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Zamaria
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this
Honestly at this point, the more you try to push her away from this guy, the more she will want to be with him. All you can do is let her learn from her own mistakes, talk to her about it one time, don't yell at her, and then drop it and don't bring it up again. It'll only cause problems between you and your daughter. I know. I've been there. At that age, when we get it into our heads that we want a certain guy, there is no stopping it. At least that's how I was. I'm pretty headstrong, and I almost ruined my relationship with my mom over a guy she didn't like. She nagged constantly, and it made me defensive of him, so the more I defended him, the more I thought I loved him. Just don't nag at her, hard as that is. I know you want the best for her, but nagging and bringing it up over and over will only make it worse. You can't really stop her from seeing him, so the best thing is to just tell her what you think and then leave it alone.
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Chinadollie
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:19 AM


Quoting Barabell:

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?


Yes she does live wit me...n i never had a problem with her dating anyone as she is very open & tells me all. Then, she always has her priorities in check so she never had dating rules...not even a curfew. I leave it up 2 her 2 be responsible and excercise discretion when she goes out & she does. So i'm now considering dating rules :) although this is her first ''friend'' wit dis big age difference & i am not going 2 allow her 2 date him anyway. (Maybe dis is y she tells me he's a close friend)

Chinadollie
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:39 AM


Quoting Zamaria:

Honestly at this point, the more you try to push her away from this guy, the more she will want to be with him. All you can do is let her learn from her own mistakes, talk to her about it one time, don't yell at her, and then drop it and don't bring it up again. It'll only cause problems between you and your daughter. I know. I've been there. At that age, when we get it into our heads that we want a certain guy, there is no stopping it. At least that's how I was. I'm pretty headstrong, and I almost ruined my relationship with my mom over a guy she didn't like. She nagged constantly, and it made me defensive of him, so the more I defended him, the more I thought I loved him. Just don't nag at her, hard as that is. I know you want the best for her, but nagging and bringing it up over and over will only make it worse. You can't really stop her from seeing him, so the best thing is to just tell her what you think and then leave it alone.


I'm tired of talking 2 her, i've showed her scriptures from the Bible that says to "shone the appearance of evil'' meaning that she is getting a ''horner woman'' look and yet she dnt want to acknowlege this. I told her that d next time she drop out 2 meet him to stay the night and dont come back. Because is either she want d man or she dont want him and if she want him...well not in my house i am not going to prolong that relationship knowing he is living wit someone. ..She claims she's not a child anymore so let her make her life changing decision.

babygirl4326
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:40 AM

THIS...

Quoting Barabell:

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?


Chinadollie
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 10:56 AM


Quoting babygirl4326:

THIS...

Quoting Barabell:

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?

 

???????????????


Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:06 AM


Quoting Chinadollie:


Quoting Barabell:

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?


Yes she does live wit me...n i never had a problem with her dating anyone as she is very open & tells me all. Then, she always has her priorities in check so she never had dating rules...not even a curfew. I leave it up 2 her 2 be responsible and excercise discretion when she goes out & she does. So i'm now considering dating rules :) although this is her first ''friend'' wit dis big age difference & i am not going 2 allow her 2 date him anyway. (Maybe dis is y she tells me he's a close friend)

Since she is 20 and you don't have rules already, it's kind of a hard place. You can give her advice, and you can do what you're thinking of doing by saying IF you start dating him then you have to move out. Maybe you could also tell her that you're concerned that she'll end up pregnant like the 19 year old girlfriend.

If she does move out, at her age, she's old enough that you can't tell her who to date anymore.

Is it possible that she is just testing you with this "friendship"?

Chinadollie
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 11:27 AM


Quoting Barabell:


Quoting Chinadollie:

 

Quoting Barabell:

I'm sorry; I'm having a really hard time reading this.

Does your daughter still live with you? If so, what house rules have you put up regarding dating?


Yes she does live wit me...n i never had a problem with her dating anyone as she is very open & tells me all. Then, she always has her priorities in check so she never had dating rules...not even a curfew. I leave it up 2 her 2 be responsible and excercise discretion when she goes out & she does. So i'm now considering dating rules :) although this is her first ''friend'' wit dis big age difference & i am not going 2 allow her 2 date him anyway. (Maybe dis is y she tells me he's a close friend)

Since she is 20 and you don't have rules already, it's kind of a hard place. You can give her advice, and you can do what you're thinking of doing by saying IF you start dating him then you have to move out. Maybe you could also tell her that you're concerned that she'll end up pregnant like the 19 year old girlfriend.

If she does move out, at her age, she's old enough that you can't tell her who to date anymore.

Is it possible that she is just testing you with this "friendship"?

Hmmmm true...and she knows wat she is condoning is wrong. Maybe she wants me 2 make a scene so she'll have good reason 2 end d friendship (fingers crossed) plus she is my eldest child, so she knows she has 2 set a good example 4 her two sisters.. I believe she will do the right ting by God's Grace

bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 4:25 PM
2 moms liked this

 I am having a really hard time reading this with all of the slang, sorry I'm only 40, maybe I'm too old....anyway, she's 20 years old, all you can do is talk to her. If she's setting a bad example for her younger sisters I would ask her to either stop her behavior in front of them or leave, she's a role model, you don't want them to make the same choices when they get older.

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