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Help me with my teen daughter controlling the household atmosphere!

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:07 AM
  • 25 Replies

My teen daughter, the spoiled princess monster I created, comes home from school not speaking to anyone most days and lays in bed waiting to be served dinner. When it is ready she comes to the table with her attitude of "I'm tired, don't talk to me and I'm not talking to you all either." Except, she may talk to criticize something about what she is served. We ( her step dad and I) usually try to ignore her attitude but it descends over the table making us uncomfortable. If I do ask her to be nice at least she acts like she doesn't know what I am talking about. Occasionally, (maybe once a week) she is a pure delight and chatters, laughs, and is fun. Can someone please tell me how to deal with this??? I always felt sitting down at the table together was important but she ruins it for us with this cloud over the table. Trying to ignore it is like pretending it isn't raining. Pointing it out to her doesn't help either, probably makes it worse. If I tell her to not come to the table then I am alienating her even more. She's been to therapy some but she doesn't listen to the therapist either.

by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:11 AM
Send her to her room to eat. Don't let her run the house. Discipline her. Sounds like you created a monster. Un create her.
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gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 9:27 AM

 I agree. 

Quoting atlmom2:

Send her to her room to eat. Don't let her run the house. Discipline her. Sounds like you created a monster. Un create her.

 

Ellen

moneysaver6
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:50 AM

I'm not generally a fan of ignoring disrespectful behavior.   I believe that it sends a message that the behavior is okay.

I agree with the other two.  It will be hard, but you'll have to "uncreate" this monster.

bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Thankfully you understand that admittedly you have created this, it's now up to you as a parent to get some help, family counseling. I'm not one you will see in this forum who constantly defaults to family therapy, however you have a daughter with a false sense of entitlement. This will effect her for the rest of her life relationship wise...think job/career how in the world will she get along in the work place with a boss and never as a supervisor with a superiority attitude-complex like that? Also how about marriage and family? Forget marriage, think parenthood with her entitlement issues? I'm sorry you are worried about yourself and your dh with your self described "princess daughter", she's almost an adult , she needs a reality check and some help to make it in the real world, I would be very concerned. Good luck

Quoting atlmom2:

Send her to her room to eat. Don't let her run the house. Discipline her. Sounds like you created a monster. Un create her.
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Zamaria
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 6:39 AM
Someone on here told me to say "I'm sorry you're hormonal. Please go to your room." very calmly. It works wonders when my kid is acting like a jerk. If it gets too bad I ground him. But usually just saying that works really well.
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kehgiggles
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:25 AM

I would tell her if she cannot leave her attitude behind, she is not welcome at the table. She'll get hungry enough.

Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:42 AM

Her father walked out on us when she was 13, she and I neither one had a clue anything was wrong and he was going to do it. He had always been a job changer and impuslive but a steady husband and father until he decided he was a rolling stone and wanted a new life. I got lucky and met a wonderful man shortly after and we married. All the changes made me feel guilty and I overdid it with catering to her and trying to make her  happy. Last night she got mad because my husband gave me a bracelet out of the blue as a surprise gift. She didn't think it fair she didn't get one too, instead of being happy for me. You are right. I am going to go back to our therapist and tell her we MUST have a plan of action and have counseling together I think. I am a conflict avoider and it is easier to try to keep the peace than follow through with painful discipline.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Thankfully you understand that admittedly you have created this, it's now up to you as a parent to get some help, family counseling. I'm not one you will see in this forum who constantly defaults to family therapy, however you have a daughter with a false sense of entitlement. This will effect her for the rest of her life relationship wise...think job/career how in the world will she get along in the work place with a boss and never as a supervisor with a superiority attitude-complex like that? Also how about marriage and family? Forget marriage, think parenthood with her entitlement issues? I'm sorry you are worried about yourself and your dh with your self described "princess daughter", she's almost an adult , she needs a reality check and some help to make it in the real world, I would be very concerned. Good luck

Quoting atlmom2:

Send her to her room to eat. Don't let her run the house. Discipline her. Sounds like you created a monster. Un create her.


bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:16 PM
Please for her sake I agree she must get help. Good luck.

Quoting Bertieb:

Her father walked out on us when she was 13, she and I neither one had a clue anything was wrong and he was going to do it. He had always been a job changer and impuslive but a steady husband and father until he decided he was a rolling stone and wanted a new life. I got lucky and met a wonderful man shortly after and we married. All the changes made me feel guilty and I overdid it with catering to her and trying to make her  happy. Last night she got mad because my husband gave me a bracelet out of the blue as a surprise gift. She didn't think it fair she didn't get one too, instead of being happy for me. You are right. I am going to go back to our therapist and tell her we MUST have a plan of action and have counseling together I think. I am a conflict avoider and it is easier to try to keep the peace than follow through with painful discipline.



Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Thankfully you understand that admittedly you have created this, it's now up to you as a parent to get some help, family counseling. I'm not one you will see in this forum who constantly defaults to family therapy, however you have a daughter with a false sense of entitlement. This will effect her for the rest of her life relationship wise...think job/career how in the world will she get along in the work place with a boss and never as a supervisor with a superiority attitude-complex like that? Also how about marriage and family? Forget marriage, think parenthood with her entitlement issues? I'm sorry you are worried about yourself and your dh with your self described "princess daughter", she's almost an adult , she needs a reality check and some help to make it in the real world, I would be very concerned. Good luck



Quoting atlmom2:

Send her to her room to eat. Don't let her run the house. Discipline her. Sounds like you created a monster. Un create her.


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vlynn.iowa
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 12:26 PM

Does she help with any chores around the house?  I'd stop setting her place at dinner unless she helped prepare the meal.  I'd also stop doing anything else for her; like laundry, shopping, cleaning her bathroom (is she has her own), etc..  You didn't say how old your daughter is but is she is approaching 18 then she needs to start taking care of herself and definitely needs to treat you and your husband with respect..  I would also insist that she clean the kitchen in after dinner.  After all you are her mother not her maid.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:39 PM

If she complains about the meal......tell her to make dinner.

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