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Middle School Bully

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 11:44 AM
  • 8 Replies

So a bit of a tedious full bio here.  My 12 yr. was initally friends with this girl.  This girl started using her as a friend in a bad way, calling her names in front of others to make herself look funny, texting boys and using my daughters name so she didn't have to use hers.  My daughter told this girl she did not want to do a science project with her and when confronted with the reason my daughter was honest and said because last time she ended up doing most of the work.  This girl threw a fit and belittled my daughter and continued to be a problem for 2 days until I finally stepped in and told her to quit texting and contacted the mother.  The mother was appauled, made her apologize and then grounded her.  However, she thought they would still be friends, my daughter did not want to be friends any longer.  So this girl continues to be a problem at school and gets her friends to say my daughter says and does things that my daughter does not.  My daughter is a straight A student who has never been in trouble at school once in her entire life so the principal knew that she did nothing but my daughter now dreads going to school every single day.  Mothers-what would you do?  I have cried and screamed about this.  I don't know if I should let it just play out or march my bottom in that school and demand they do something more.  Thoughts?

by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 11:44 AM
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:43 PM
2 moms liked this

how big a school is it?  can she just start hanging out with other girls?


my daughter went through a period in 5th/6th grade with a little snot of a girl who would say things to make her cry every day.  my daughter would beg not to go to school or have me change her school.  I called b.s. on my daughters behavior.  there is NO reason on earth someone else should make you cry.  I told her to get right up in the girls face (no body contact) and tell her off.  she was not allowed to discuss this girls physical characteristics, use foul language, or call names... but get in her face and tell her to stop.  It took a good number of months of me explaining this to my daughter before she FINALLY took my advice.  And after that day... it was done.  She never had an issue with the girl again.


AND I might add.  That my daughter (now a senior in high school) "broke up" with her ENTIRE group of friends last year because she was unhappy with all the drama in the group.  She left them flat and with in 2  months had an entirely new group of friends.  The lesson she learned all those years ago has stuck with her and made her a much stronger young lady.

Two more quick examples of what that (at the time VERY emotionally difficult) lesson taught her: she had a boyfriend freshman year that cussed at her once (what the F) so she broke up with him on the spot.  This year her boyfriend told her he was unhappy and wanted to "take a break"  she flat out said NO.  She demanded that he come over and they work it out or he breaks up but said "Im not the kind of girl someone takes a break from"

In short... I say teach a kid the hard lessons early on and they will NEVER be someones doormat.

givenshl
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 1:12 PM

 First off there should be 0 tolerance for bullying at her school so once you made your voice heard the first time they should have done something about it.

Demand a meeting with an Authority Figure at the school. Making sure you have your notes handy of all that has been done to your Child with you during the meeting  so you can recite this to them including how she is no trouble with the look of her grades and her record @ that school. Let them know you want the bullying stopped and give them a small time-frame that is best for you for them to get back with you that it has been handled. 

I would contact the girl's mother and let her know you will address this with the school since other students are now involved. Don't stop until you are satisfied. We are our children's advocates, if we don't protect them who will?

sahlady
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM

although I some what agree with you... you also HAVE to teach your child to stand up for herself.  You can not teach a child to just take what is given and then go yell bully to every one.  

Has her daughter put her foot down in the VERY beginning when this so called "friend" made fun of her then this wouldnt have gotten this far.  Who in their right mind considers someone a friend who constantly makes fun of them... but she kept going back and considered this girl a friend.  THAT is where this started.  When she just took it.

Not saying the other girl is right.  But we have to teach our kids not to take crap then need to learn to stop it when it first starts.

Quoting givenshl:

 First off there should be 0 tolerance for bullying at her school so once you made your voice heard the first time they should have done something about it.

Demand a meeting with an Authority Figure at the school. Making sure you have your notes handy of all that has been done to your Child with you during the meeting  so you can recite this to them including how she is no trouble with the look of her grades and her record @ that school. Let them know you want the bullying stopped and give them a small time-frame that is best for you for them to get back with you that it has been handled. 

I would contact the girl's mother and let her know you will address this with the school since other students are now involved. Don't stop until you are satisfied. We are our children's advocates, if we don't protect them who will?


sahlady
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 1:30 PM
With more consideration, what is done is done. You can't go back in time. So pointing out the obvious is no help and I apologize.
Quoting sahlady:

although I some what agree with you... you also HAVE to teach your child to stand up for herself.  You can not teach a child to just take what is given and then go yell bully to every one.  

Has her daughter put her foot down in the VERY beginning when this so called "friend" made fun of her then this wouldnt have gotten this far.  Who in their right mind considers someone a friend who constantly makes fun of them... but she kept going back and considered this girl a friend.  THAT is where this started.  When she just took it.

Not saying the other girl is right.  But we have to teach our kids not to take crap then need to learn to stop it when it first starts.

Quoting givenshl:

 First off there should be 0 tolerance for bullying at her school so once you made your voice heard the first time they should have done something about it.


Demand a meeting with an Authority Figure at the school. Making sure you have your notes handy of all that has been done to your Child with you during the meeting  so you can recite this to them including how she is no trouble with the look of her grades and her record @ that school. Let them know you want the bullying stopped and give them a small time-frame that is best for you for them to get back with you that it has been handled. 


I would contact the girl's mother and let her know you will address this with the school since other students are now involved. Don't stop until you are satisfied. We are our children's advocates, if we don't protect them who will?


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givenshl
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 1:42 PM

 You are right, She should stand up for herself because this world is full of rotten ass people and this may not be the last time she is ever going to deal with something like this. Yeah she should have cut ties with the girl when she started treating her like she did, whatever, its done and can't be changed. Right now is what has to be dealt with.

Quoting sahlady:

although I some what agree with you... you also HAVE to teach your child to stand up for herself.  You can not teach a child to just take what is given and then go yell bully to every one.  

Has her daughter put her foot down in the VERY beginning when this so called "friend" made fun of her then this wouldnt have gotten this far.  Who in their right mind considers someone a friend who constantly makes fun of them... but she kept going back and considered this girl a friend.  THAT is where this started.  When she just took it.

Not saying the other girl is right.  But we have to teach our kids not to take crap then need to learn to stop it when it first starts.

Quoting givenshl:

 First off there should be 0 tolerance for bullying at her school so once you made your voice heard the first time they should have done something about it.

Demand a meeting with an Authority Figure at the school. Making sure you have your notes handy of all that has been done to your Child with you during the meeting  so you can recite this to them including how she is no trouble with the look of her grades and her record @ that school. Let them know you want the bullying stopped and give them a small time-frame that is best for you for them to get back with you that it has been handled. 

I would contact the girl's mother and let her know you will address this with the school since other students are now involved. Don't stop until you are satisfied. We are our children's advocates, if we don't protect them who will?


 

japfield3
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks everyone for the advice-after emailing the school that night the principal called me the very next day and explained that he spoke with the girl who was the problem again and explained that any issues from her would not be tolerated and that after speaking with me and reviewing the information he realized that there was no issues here and she was most likely making this up.  He told me they would be monitoring this situation and if anything comes up to call him.  I told my daughter she is going to have to learn to let some of this crap to slide off her back or stand up to this girl and tell her to shut her mouth and leave her alone because there will be bullies all her life.  Although I am glad we live in the day where bullies are shut down immediately by caregivers and schools our kids today have no chances to stand up for themselves in most cases.  

Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:47 AM


Quoting japfield3:

Thanks everyone for the advice-after emailing the school that night the principal called me the very next day and explained that he spoke with the girl who was the problem again and explained that any issues from her would not be tolerated and that after speaking with me and reviewing the information he realized that there was no issues here and she was most likely making this up.  He told me they would be monitoring this situation and if anything comes up to call him.  I told my daughter she is going to have to learn to let some of this crap to slide off her back or stand up to this girl and tell her to shut her mouth and leave her alone because there will be bullies all her life.  Although I am glad we live in the day where bullies are shut down immediately by caregivers and schools our kids today have no chances to stand up for themselves in most cases.  

Good update. You're doing what you can do. I hope the situation improves for your daughter. Please continue to update us.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:11 PM

She needs to find other friends

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