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Have you had this ever happen?

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We had quite a night with our 14 yo dd & her lies last night. I had brought her out to the living room & showed her what I had found under the end table I had moved. There were 2 scotch tapes, & one red bow. After I saw these I looked at the packages under the tree & all of them had been opened & re taped. She said "Oh, I must have left them there (the tape)" I showed her what I had found & she said "I didn't open them". She lied to my face 'again'. I told her that I knew she had as I could see where each piece of tape had taken off the color of the paper. She just shook her head, like no that's not true. I took all the presents & put them in her room & said "thanks for ruining Christmas. She said "oh, take them out of here". I did, unwrapped them & threw the wrapping in her room. I took the presents & put them in my car trunk. I don't know what I'm going to do with them. My husband said we should return them & get gifts for ourselves & open them so she can see or hear it (where ever she chooses to be at the time. I had also said to her she won't be getting the money we give her each year. She said "you don't give me any money". I said "yes, we do & you know we have". How would you have handled this? What should we do with the presents? Have you heard of or even had a child of yours open presents then retape them, etc?
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Replies (11-20):
gonecrazi
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 12:46 PM

 I would address the lie, it's a bigger problem than opening her presents. I would keep everything in the trunk until Christmas.

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:34 PM
I would tell her she ruined trust with you and has to now work so get that back. No presents under the tree early ever. I agree with replacing the gifts with other things.
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Acid
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:07 PM

I definitely wouldn't have said 'Thanks for ruining Christmas'.  What a way to make her feel like shit.

Shoving in her face that you are getting Christmas and she isn't screams 'you took my sandpail, so I'm not your friend anymore' 5 year old petty shit. 

After Christmas, and after she gets her presents, take her to a homeless shelter and ask her to pick a kid or someone, to donate some gifts too.

But, for fuck sakes, don't be a whiny baby and throw the wrapping paper in her room and stomp and pout.  You're her mother, and the way you handled that is just going to make her laugh at you in private.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I did it as a teenager a couple of years in a row but I was MUCH better at it than her.  My mom was a perfectionist, I was even able to put the presents back in the right order.

This is why I only put other people's presents under the tree before christmas (my moms, brother's family, etc.) and if I have no presents under there yet, I normally wrap a few of the boxes the christmas lights come in so there are "presents" under there.

As for what to do about it, I really have no idea.  My gut says take them to the store and return them and then get her something like underwear for christmas instead.  And socks.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:41 PM
2 moms liked this

Not knowing the entire situation with this family, I can see even the most sane person blowing their top once in a while and screaming that.  I'm sorry, right or wrong, this bashing here is uncalled for.  There is plenty of ways to say what you did, please allow me to show you how to respond to a post without sounding like an uneducated know it all.

"I definitely wouldn't have said, "Thanks for ruining Christmas." That probably made her feel guilty and hurt.

Showing her that she wasn't going to receive any presents for Christmas while everyone else is may make her resentful and you look a little childish.

It might be a good idea for her to take some of those presents you had purchased and give them to an angel tree donation somewhere.

You're her mom, try to remain calm and give the punishment she deserves once you cool off."

See?  No shits or fucks in there.  THAT'S how an ADULT would post.

Quoting Acid:

I definitely wouldn't have said 'Thanks for ruining Christmas'.  What a way to make her feel like shit.

Shoving in her face that you are getting Christmas and she isn't screams 'you took my sandpail, so I'm not your friend anymore' 5 year old petty shit. 

After Christmas, and after she gets her presents, take her to a homeless shelter and ask her to pick a kid or someone, to donate some gifts too.

But, for fuck sakes, don't be a whiny baby and throw the wrapping paper in her room and stomp and pout.  You're her mother, and the way you handled that is just going to make her laugh at you in private.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:44 PM

By the way, to the OP, don't let this ruin your Christmas.  Enjoy yourself and if someone is stopping you from enjoying yourself, either remove them or yourself from the situation.  It is NOT worth it.

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:18 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Personally I would have not cross examined her that way. She opened her present, I used to do it also. For years I thought I was getting one over on my mom...nope, she said she never said anything, cause if I didn't mind spoiling my surprise, then who was she to care either. Something like that anyways.

Is it really that huge of a deal? Yes, she lied, but setting it up the way you did...kinda put her back in the corner. So punish the lie itself, but move on from the whole present thing. It's Christmas, that's what kids do.

 

It wasn't A PRESENT it was 6 presents.  It's the blatant lie too.


luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, I understood that, and again I still would have not made this a 'sky is falling, come clean right this instant' kind of thing. 

She is not the only child to do it, she won't be the last child to do it. I do not fool myself enough to think that none of mine have never done it. Have I caught them? No, maybe their as good at it as I thought I was, well I guess that would make them better then me, but again...not the end of the world.

She lied, yes she did, but look at your reaction. Of course she lied, again I'm not saying the lie doesn't deserve some punishment, but after raising 8 kids I have learned how to make sure my reaction doesn't make them feel as if they need to lie. 

Sorry, that how I see it.

Quoting cat4458:


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Personally I would have not cross examined her that way. She opened her present, I used to do it also. For years I thought I was getting one over on my mom...nope, she said she never said anything, cause if I didn't mind spoiling my surprise, then who was she to care either. Something like that anyways.

Is it really that huge of a deal? Yes, she lied, but setting it up the way you did...kinda put her back in the corner. So punish the lie itself, but move on from the whole present thing. It's Christmas, that's what kids do.


It wasn't A PRESENT it was 6 presents.  It's the blatant lie too.



cat4458
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:42 PM

 

Quoting fantasticfour:

I did it as a teenager a couple of years in a row but I was MUCH better at it than her.  My mom was a perfectionist, I was even able to put the presents back in the right order.

This is why I only put other people's presents under the tree before christmas (my moms, brother's family, etc.) and if I have no presents under there yet, I normally wrap a few of the boxes the christmas lights come in so there are "presents" under there.

As for what to do about it, I really have no idea.  My gut says take them to the store and return them and then get her something like underwear for christmas instead.  And socks.

Oh, that's good! She would not be happy with that! The underwear would be good but she loves sox.  What Sahlady said really is sticking with me. We are going to talk with her about just what she did as it is disrespectful.  It's wasn't just one gift, it was many gifts, it was the sneakiness, & the lying about it. So... many things so what if I got mad & got huffy with her.  I'm not going to walk on egg shells around her & not put gifts out till Christmas day.  She needs to learn some self control!!

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:07 PM

Hell no my kids never did that....RIGHT!

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