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Pregnant Teen- need advice

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:44 PM
  • 20 Replies

My daughter is 17. (She will be 18 in 2 months)I found out this past week she is 22 weeks pregnant.Needless to say I was shocked, hurt , very angry...I had her on the pill ( i bought them every month for her), I never let her go out on dates ,parties ,etc,etc,.She had a boyfriend who she would see only at school and supervised visits,but they still found a way. She thinks she is in love. The boy has broke up with her ,cheated on her and now wants to be there for her and raise the baby and of course she thinks they can make it work.Neither one of them work. What a joke. She still has 1/2 year left of school. He has two years left. I dont know what to do.Anyone else been in this situation before? Any helpful words of wisdom?

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:50 PM
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 I haven't been there. What you need to do is be there for her. This is when we parents step up and show our kids just what unconditional love is ! I would talk to him about finding a job. Do his parents know? What is there take on it. Get her to a dr. Talk to her about what is going to happen.Explain that she should be looking for a PT job now. No reason she can't work until the baby comes. Are you willing to let her and the baby live with you ? You need to decide just how much you can and are will to help.You need to get over the hurt, anger and disappointment. Babies are a Blessing no matter how they arrive into our lives. I wish you the best momma.

02nana07
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 1st they both need to get a job and start getting things ready for the new arrival.  Make sure she is the one to care for the baby and if you watch it other than for her going to school charge her.

drfink
by Emily on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:54 PM


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

 I haven't been there. What you need to do is be there for her. This is when we parents step up and show our kids just what unconditional love is ! I would talk to him about finding a job. Do his parents know? What is there take on it. Get her to a dr. Talk to her about what is going to happen.Explain that she should be looking for a PT job now. No reason she can't work until the baby comes. Are you willing to let her and the baby live with you ? You need to decide just how much you can and are will to help.You need to get over the hurt, anger and disappointment. Babies are a Blessing no matter how they arrive into our lives. I wish you the best momma.

Wonderful advice.Helping her finish school will allow a much better life for your grand child.

bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:04 AM
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 ADOPTION.....they both don't sound anywhere near ready to be parents...it's the most selfless, loving giving thing you can encourage her to do as a mother and the Grandmother of this child. There are some wonderful adoption agencies out there, she can even pick the parents and have an open adoption/relationship with the baby...sounds like the only option that is 100% in favor of what's in the babies best interest.

drfink
by Emily on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:07 AM


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 ADOPTION.....they both don't sound anywhere near ready to be parents...it's the most selfless, loving giving thing you can encourage her to do as a mother and the Grandmother of this child. There are some wonderful adoption agencies out there, she can even pick the parents and have an open adoption/relationship with the baby...sounds like the only option that is 100% in favor of what's in the babies best interest.

I'm sorry but as a birthmother I couldn't disagree with you more.My oldest is 35 ,loves his parents very much but has wondered all his life why.One of the first things he wrote was he knew I must have loved him and had good reason but since there were no drugs etc involved WHY.

Also you may not be aware but currently in the U.S. no open adoption agreement is legally enforceable.Agencies and lawyers have a way of phrasing open adoption answers and questions without saying the legal truth.


bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:54 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry your situation turned out that way (((hugs))) but I still think if a parent does not have the financial or emotional means to support the baby adoption is the best option. I work with drug addicted mothers, so very well my view could be fuzzy, however I was myself adopted and have WONDERFUL parents. I met and have a good relationship with my birth mom, who in no way could have provided me with a stable life. I feel she gave me the gift of my parents and family and will forever and ever be grateful to her. That being said, like I mentioned above, each situation is different I thank God every day for mine, again (((big hugs))) I'm so sorry yours turned out the way it did, that is awful.

Quoting drfink:


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 ADOPTION.....they both don't sound anywhere near ready to be parents...it's the most selfless, loving giving thing you can encourage her to do as a mother and the Grandmother of this child. There are some wonderful adoption agencies out there, she can even pick the parents and have an open adoption/relationship with the baby...sounds like the only option that is 100% in favor of what's in the babies best interest.

I'm sorry but as a birthmother I couldn't disagree with you more.My oldest is 35 ,loves his parents very much but has wondered all his life why.One of the first things he wrote was he knew I must have loved him and had good reason but since there were no drugs etc involved WHY.

Also you may not be aware but currently in the U.S. no open adoption agreement is legally enforceable.Agencies and lawyers have a way of phrasing open adoption answers and questions without saying the legal truth.


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bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 3:07 AM
Also not everyone wonders why? Thinking about it, I never did, however I was fortunate in that even though it was the early 70s 1972, my adoption was pretty out in the open. My parents knew my birth mother's family, my Dad had grown up with her father in the same neighborhood and church and then they worked together. Even though the adoption was tech closed, my Mom sent pictures to the birth mom and her family my entire life. I also grew up knowing I was adopted as my birth mom was 15 when she had me and my birth father was 16. I was always told when I turned 18, if I wanted to meet her I could. I wasn't sure and at age 20 she contacted me. I happened to be married and pregnant with my oldest at the time. Things went well when we met, but we took things slow. Thankfully she never made me feel torn between she and my parents or vise versa. Gradually we became much closer and I would say we have more of an Aunt/Niece relationship but that took oh about 5 years or so. My own mom is now in the mid to late stages of Alzheimer's and its heartbreaking. I'm so grateful to have Laurie my bio mom in my life. Lol, I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this running commentary, just thought I would share. It def has not been all smooth and easy. We both had to wrap our head around things. (Me esp I have a lot of guilt that Laurie has been able to have a close relationship with my dd and my sweet mom has missed so much being ill) to the point I've shut Laurie out and been bitchy not even realizing it? So yes, it's been a tough difficult road at times, but one I would still highly reccomend and am thankful for evey night when I lay my head on the pillow. Also I didn't know about the adoption laws, so I apologize if I misspoke or came off as insensitive. Xo

Quoting drfink:


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 ADOPTION.....they both don't sound anywhere near ready to be parents...it's the most selfless, loving giving thing you can encourage her to do as a mother and the Grandmother of this child. There are some wonderful adoption agencies out there, she can even pick the parents and have an open adoption/relationship with the baby...sounds like the only option that is 100% in favor of what's in the babies best interest.

I'm sorry but as a birthmother I couldn't disagree with you more.My oldest is 35 ,loves his parents very much but has wondered all his life why.One of the first things he wrote was he knew I must have loved him and had good reason but since there were no drugs etc involved WHY.

Also you may not be aware but currently in the U.S. no open adoption agreement is legally enforceable.Agencies and lawyers have a way of phrasing open adoption answers and questions without saying the legal truth.


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stephanie546
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 7:35 AM

Thank you all for the advice. I have took her to the doctor. She has her vitamins, bloodwork,ultrasound done. I have been to the school and set up the home study so that she is still able to graduate this june. I have told her the options.She and the baby can live with us(if she chooses).The boyfriend cannot. (I have 2 other children(5,9) in the house) .If she chooses adoption , I would support her 100%, but the boyfriend is telling her otherwise.She has been studying nursing in High School and already has her CNA,but it looks like college has to be put on hold...I just feel like I failed. I am trying to make her see how tough its going to be but its like she has stars in her eyes.She doesn't get it.

bizzeemom2717
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs, sounds like you are doing everything you can. Ugh would be so tough for me with the boyfriend calling some of the shots, but I guess he is the father of the child, I hope he stands by her. Hang in there!

Quoting stephanie546:

Thank you all for the advice. I have took her to the doctor. She has her vitamins, bloodwork,ultrasound done. I have been to the school and set up the home study so that she is still able to graduate this june. I have told her the options.She and the baby can live with us(if she chooses).The boyfriend cannot. (I have 2 other children(5,9) in the house) .If she chooses adoption , I would support her 100%, but the boyfriend is telling her otherwise.She has been studying nursing in High School and already has her CNA,but it looks like college has to be put on hold...I just feel like I failed. I am trying to make her see how tough its going to be but its like she has stars in her eyes.She doesn't get it.

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gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:39 PM

   Okay..the baby is coming. All you can do now is make sure she gets proper care. Be there for her, she is going to need the support.

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