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Please Help!!!

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:54 PM
  • 8 Replies

I don't want to hear neditive feedback, I am seeking advise. 

I am so lost and alone. I am having such mixed feelings. Lately my Daughter has been so aweful. It is to the point that I am starting to recent her, I love what used to be my daughter. I often  feel as if shes dead, I find myself referring to her in a past tense all the time. and that the kid that lives with me is just a person that I could care less about. I HATE that I feel this way. I don't know what to do about it. I seeked therapy and the therapist reported me to CPS for saying that I hate her sometimes. I do feel that way, but I would never neglect her, or hurt her, or treat her badly. It is just  feeling I have. and I will explain why I feel that way in a bit. I need advise I need to get this out. and now I have noone to talk to. I need a therapist I can be honest with. but now I am worried that I can't talk to them.

In the last 6 months my daughter has turned into this helatious teenager who everyday makes it a point to let me know how much she hates me. I have done everything I can for her. She lies about everything, and not just small lies HUGE lies. Like saying she was raped. But it wasn't true. When I confronted her on this she attcked me. Through a shelf at me. Ended up commited into a mental health center. where they put her on medication. that I don't feel she needs. They say she is bi-polar and possibly autistic. She only fits 1 sympotom of bi-polar. and I would think maybe autism would have been caught before teenage years. I truely think she just hates me and will go out of her way to ruin my life. I know that sounds paranoid but that what it has come down to. I grounded her for lieing about going to practice and then not going. she was found behind a dug out with 4 boys. She went to school and told them I punched her in the eye. She Bullies her sister. She will sit outside my bedroom door and listen to our converstaions. then go tell her therapist that all we do is argue and tell her about our personal problems and it is stressing her out. She goes to school and tells all her friends that we are such terrible people who won't let her have friends and we hate all her friends. She cusses at me. and I can't do anything about it or she cries abuse. Everything is about her friends, She writes letter about how she wishes she didn't have a family just her friends. She bought her friends christmas presents and nothing for any of us. I read her an article about the sister of the Sandy victim. she looked at her sister with the nastiest look. Shes just so mean and so cold to everyone, everything I tell her to do she does the opposite just to spite me, and it is beyond normal kid stuff. and to the extreame. Everyone thinks she is mental Ill. I personally think shes just a brat.

Me and my husband wanted so much to have another child. now he is going to have his tubes snipped cause I am so scared that I will have another child that I will screw up like her. that will grow up to hate me. My husband and I fight all the time about her, we are on our last shot. if this keeps up we are going to end up divorced, and honestly I can't blame him. It has gotten to the point where I just don't wanna be here anymore. I have never once wanted to end my life. But it is to the point I wouldn't be upset if the world did end tomorrow. I just want one day to be able to smile again to be happy again. But the min she walks in the room my whole body just fills with hate and resent. If I ask her if she has homework she says no, in the nastiest tone, But then when I tell her that I got a letter from her teacher about work she owes she yells and thats bullshit I don't owe that, I tell her her teacher isn't going to lie to me, Then it all about how bad I am to her cause I never believe her her teacher is out to get her. cause she hates her, I know she owes the work. But because I mentioned it I am a terrible parent?? This is just an example. Everything I say to her is the same routine. 

I just want my sweet loving daughter back, I just wanna be happy. I am so sick of crying all the time, I am so sick of hating myself and not knowing what I did wrong. 

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:54 PM
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Replies (1-8):
drfink
by Emily on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:38 PM

Sometimes it is easier for parents to see their children as "brats" as opposed to having a mental illness.With a misbehaving child /teen it seems like find the correct consequence and get the teen to listen and life will go back to better days. 

I think you should listen to the therapists all dx are not always perfectly black and white.Before I became a sahm I was the director of a step house for young adults coming out af residential psychiatric facilities.At this point why not team up with your daughter's treatment team ,things are not going great these days, there isn't much to lose and so much to gain.

Good Luck

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:39 PM

Contact social services.  Explain the issues you are having and ask about foster care.  I know in Virginia if things get too bad, you can request foster care for your child.  It is short term, perhaps a month or two but at least she will be out of your hair so you can heal and perhaps get her the healing she needs.

gdiamante
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2012 at 3:18 AM

BOTH of you need counseling, and better than what you've been getting. She's not doing this because she hates you. And autism can be detected late as well as early.

She IS mentally ill, from all you write. That doens't mean she can't be a brat ALSO... but both of you need help. Probably from a psychiatrist rather than a therapist.

Jessiejack
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2012 at 6:18 AM

I think you need to find a support group in your area for parents of mentally ill children. You are in denial and you daughter needs help. She sounds mentally ill to me and needs help. You also need some help to help understand why your DD acts this way. 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Dec. 21, 2012 at 6:40 AM
I agree with this.

And yes Autism spectrum disorders can be diagnosed in the teen years. My son was 14 when he was diagnosed with Aspergers. .


Quoting gdiamante:

BOTH of you need counseling, and better than what you've been getting. She's not doing this because she hates you. And autism can be detected late as well as early.

She IS mentally ill, from all you write. That doens't mean she can't be a brat ALSO... but both of you need help. Probably from a psychiatrist rather than a therapist.

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Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:15 AM


Quoting gdiamante:

BOTH of you need counseling, and better than what you've been getting. She's not doing this because she hates you. And autism can be detected late as well as early.

She IS mentally ill, from all you write. That doens't mean she can't be a brat ALSO... but both of you need help. Probably from a psychiatrist rather than a therapist.

I agree with all of this. In addition, autism and mental illness can even be diagnosed in adult years. 

jeepninja
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Sounds like something has happened to make her personality change that drastically. Has someone in the house, school, or friend been messing with her?

FOREVERMOM123
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 11:56 AM

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have had similar feelings as you have. I have worked with a lot of  therapists for my daughter. I had cps called on me for threatening my daughter in front of a counselor at school . No one can understand what it is like to deal with a child with mental health problems unless they have one themselves. It is draining and heart breaking. Others always want to preach on how they would beat that a$$ or how they wouldn't tolerate this  or that. I learned to just ignore those people because they are ignorant to my world. As for your daughter, if she has been diagnosed and you don't believe it, get a second opinion. If the second  opinion is the same, then don't stay in denial, seek out help for your family. Most therapists will not report you unless they feel the child is in jeopardy. Don't let one therapist ruin it for all of them or yourself, because you are the one losing out on the support.

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