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Inter-Racial Teen Dating?

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:06 PM
  • 18 Replies
My 14 yr old DS has just started seeing a new girl who is from the pictures he's shown me mixed race, he says she's African American, we are white. The two of them dating doesn't bother me in the slightest bit, they've asked me to take them to the mall this weekend and I happily said yes! I'm just glad he's getting out there and getting involved with people as he's usually very shy and keeps to himself a lot.

While the inter-racial thing isnt an issue for me and my side of the family (most of them, the ones that matter to me and him anyway) it is an issue for DH's side of the family. They don't know about this girl and probably never will as teen romances don't usually last long at that age and we don't have much to do with his family other than MIL & BIL.

I've always taught my boys to follow their hearts wherever it may lead them, but I also want him to be prepared for the let down that will inevitably come from his family and others he may know who may not agree with him dating outside his race. Wut can I tell him?
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by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:15 PM
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Ignore dh's family.
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OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:20 PM
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He probably already knows there are closed minded fools in the world. Through past conversations he may already know that some of his family are a part of these fools. If not, forewarn him. There's no reason why he should feel he has to keep his relationship a secret from anyone. It's their issue that they'll have to come to terms with.
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gabyangy
by Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:53 PM

My daughter dated this boy who was a little dark and when my parents found out they started saying stuff.  I told them I don't care who she dates as long as he treats her go and is doing good in school, he could be white, black, blue, green.  They never said anything else about it.  And the kids broke up six months later..

02nana07
by Ida on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:15 PM

 Just ignore the people who have a problem with it a friend had a daughter who was white and dated a guy that was black she told her to be prepared for the negative remarks. 

She really liked him but when the kids at school found out the whites called her things I won't repeat and the black girls said she was stealing one of their men so it didn't last long. 

It changed her attitude about alot of people she thought were her friends and tried to be again once they broke up.  She became racist after that because of the way the blacks that claimed to be her friends treated her.  I hope it works out just be prepared for ignorant  people

sahlady
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:30 PM
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oh hell..... I cant even imagine what would come out of my mouth if I had a racist in the family... cant even imagine what I might unload on someone who tried to bring their racist views down upon my family... cant even imagine that I would EVER have any contact with them again if they even had a peep of that near me.

HOLY HELL.. and you married into this knowing what kind of people they were???? OUCH.... how have you dealt with there horrid world views up to this point?

best of luck.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Dec. 28, 2012 at 4:51 PM

 I would ignore them, not worth any negative energy what so ever, I stay as far away from ignorant hate as possible.

tobielynn
by Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 5:04 PM
Oh believe me! They know how I feel about their abhorrent world views, which is part of the reason we don't have much if anything to do with them, among many others. I married into it, but wasn't aware of the severity until much later and thought it was mostly the distant relatives who I would only have to deal with at the odd family function. Much to my dismay it spread further than I knew. MIL & I have had heated words repeatedly over these things, even in Wal-Mart!! My boys know how she "is" and my oldest (17) would rather have nothing to do with her whatsoever. I can't say I blame him after the things he's heard and the boys pretty much only see her on holidays.

As for my family, I avoid the ones that I know are a problem and we've hashed it out a few times thru the yrs, especially when my cousin and her husband married. Apparently his father was good enough to be life long friends with the family and have dinner with us, but he shouldn't marry into the family (my aunt's feelings on the matter). I was so appalled at her!!!

Thanks for the advice. He knows it may become an issue I'm sure, I just hope bc he is a tender hearted boy, that if it is someone he truly cares for he doesn't let the world around him influence him. He is so introverted, for him to make the step out and trust this girl is a big step doe him.


Quoting sahlady:

oh hell..... I cant even imagine what would come out of my mouth if I had a racist in the family... cant even imagine what I might unload on someone who tried to bring their racist views down upon my family... cant even imagine that I would EVER have any contact with them again if they even had a peep of that near me.

HOLY HELL.. and you married into this knowing what kind of people they were???? OUCH.... how have you dealt with there horrid world views up to this point?

best of luck.


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tobielynn
by Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 5:10 PM
I wonder if the same treatment would be shown for a white boy dating an African American girl? It seems not as common.


Quoting 02nana07:

 Just ignore the people who have a problem with it a friend had a daughter who was white and dated a guy that was black she told her to be prepared for the negative remarks. 


She really liked him but when the kids at school found out the whites called her things I won't repeat and the black girls said she was stealing one of their men so it didn't last long. 


It changed her attitude about alot of people she thought were her friends and tried to be again once they broke up.  She became racist after that because of the way the blacks that claimed to be her friends treated her.  I hope it works out just be prepared for ignorant  people


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Zamaria
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 5:21 PM
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My family is interracial. My dh is black, and my kids are biracial. Yes, we have occasionally encountered some idiots. My DH's family are some of the most racist people I know. They have never really said anything rude to my face, so I just pretend that I have no idea they don't like me. On the rare occasion that a racist remark does slip out, I just respond with something like "hey! White girl here!" or "your nephews are half white. Do you hate half of them?" as far as dating and interracial relationships, my oldest is well aware of what racism is and that there are some people who are just stupid like that. I don't hide it from him. I teach him to do his best to educate those who are ignorant, unless it's a dangerous situation. So many people expect him to be a thug because he's mixed. I teach him that actions speak louder than words, and the best way to educate people is to show them that you aren't like that because just telling them isn't going to be as effective. If someone in my family ever made racist remarks about my DH, I would confront it head on, but not in a hateful way. If they persisted with it, I would simply leave and let them know that I wouldn't be back until they were willing to give my DH a chance to get to know them. Some racist people really just don't know better. They were raised that way. The assumption that all black (or other race) people are the same is purely ignorant. Education is the cure for ignorance, so just do your best to educate them. If the situation becomes unsafe, just leave and let them remain ignorant. Refusing to be educated is stupid, and there is no cure for stupidity, unfortunately.
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drfink
by Emily on Dec. 28, 2012 at 7:42 PM
Fantastic attitude
So correct


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 I would ignore them, not worth any negative energy what so ever, I stay as far away from ignorant hate as possible.

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