Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Sad and no friends *Edit with more info*

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:47 PM
  • 17 Replies

My 14 year old sons best friend moved away this past summer. His other friend got a girlfriend that is very manipulative and mean to my son. He now has no friends and pretends like it doesn't bother him. But when I pick him up after school I see him sitting alone and watching all of the other kids laughing and having fun. 95% of the 8th graders walk to the coffee shop at lunch and I've encouraged my son to go with them, he doesn't want to. There are no sports at their school, but he doesn't do sports anyway. We started setting up a Magic:TG club, but all the rest of the kids that played have moved onto something else. I was taking him to the local comic book Magic night, most of the people there are MUCH older and a bit odd. Plus it didn't get done until after 10 and he has to be at school at 7 for orchestra.  It's actually his 14th birthday today and I asked him if he wanted to invite someone to do something for it, he said there wasn't anyone to ask and then teared up and went to his room. He does play xbox online with some kids from his school, but they won't actually talk to him at school. I'm just at a loss and want to help him. None of my other kids have ever struggled with making friends so this is all new to me. Anyone have any suggestions?


*Thank you all for your repsonses. We've done every sport offered in our area at one point or another for at least a seaon and no interest. I've looked into other activites, there was a computer program that he went to for a while, but he so far surpassed everyone else it just wasn't worth the cost any more. He also was in a group that played D&D which was fun, but again they were quite a bit older than my son and the older they got the less they wanted him around, then when his best friend left that was the end of it.  We've had over, at some point, at least 90% of the 8th graders at his school and a bunch more from other grades. Just no one has connected with my son. The only 1 club at school that my son is eligble for, chess, he has gone a few times in the past and I will encourage him to give it another try.  He's done a few xbox gaming tournaments and had a great time. Once again we run into the problem with only being for older players. He made it to the 3rd teir on some game last  year. Then it was held in a bar and he couldn't go any further.  I'm thinking I'm just going to have to help him bide his time and wait a few years. Maybe things will even get a bit better next school year when he's in 9th grade and taking classes with some of the older kids. *sigh*

Thanks again for your input. I've got some new ideas and thoughts about it all now. :)

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sunflowers12
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:47 PM
Well, all you can do is encourage him.. he has to be the one to make the effort to change things.. there will be more situations like this he will need to learn how to cope with these sort of life issues... I think when he us ready he will make the effort to be friend others.. sometimes it just takes a bit of growing up first...
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Dec. 29, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I have a 16 year old kind of like that.  He has tons of people he talks to at school but no real friends.  Well he has one real friend.  This kid would do anything for him, but I think the kid embarrasses him at school.  The friend is kind of immature.  I think my son tries to be someone he's not at school.  The only advice I have for you is to let him make his own decisions but don't let him stay at home all day on the xbox playing video games.

thankfulme678
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 11:02 PM

This is horrible and it's my worst nightmare for my kids.  I haven't had this happen yet, but I have often asked myself what I would do if this were me.  First of all, is there anything you can do to facilitate conversation, to gather more information, to make sure there isn't something really serious going on.  And if it were me, and I am not kidding about this and I know you don't want to hear it, but I would seriously consider changing schools IF that were something that interested him.  This is just the worst for a child, so I would start being aggressive about what is going on and how to solve it.  I would also start looking into camps that would be good for him in the summer.  Where we live, we have SO MANY awesome and affordable week-long backpacking camps that are so great for young children.  Oh good luck, I know this is SO HARD!

momztax1
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:19 AM
Try looking into a sport or activity outside your school area. One of my kids plays travel baseball and met new friends outside of school from different areas. Encourage your child to do some clubs at school too. There are a lot of different activities where your child can meet other kids and do something fun -- like drama or gardening. Most clubs are offered to boys and girls..... Good luck
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
02nana07
by Ida on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:44 AM
2 moms liked this

 See if he can invite his online friends over and do a video game night buy a new game that has just come out and everyone wants to play but maybe doesn't have yet. 

This might help him makes friends. 

My boys are also into gaming they meet new people all the time because of a gaming tournament that is held each week at a resturant about an hour away there are no prizes everyone just meets plays games and eats and end up getting to know each other. 

They even went to a big tournament 12 hours away that lasted 3 days and they got all kinds of things from the sponsors of the tournament and met people from all over.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I bet the parents of his Xbox buddies have the exact same issues with their kids! Do you know who these kids are and who their parents are? You could try nana's suggestion... throw an Xbox party. Serve up pizza and sodas. Maybe even offer some kind of prize, like a tournament.

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:23 PM
Encourage him to join activities to meet new people. Hard when you have only a couple friends because friends usually come and go so it is nice to have a larger group of friends.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Barabell
by Barbara on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:21 AM

Could he start a D&D group with kids his own age?

TJFBGMommy
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:52 AM

We've tried, but no one else in the school plays, at least no one else in the middle school does. I'm not sure how to safely find out if there are kids from other schools that might play.

Quoting Barabell:

Could he start a D&D group with kids his own age?


fammatthews4
by Trisha on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:57 AM

This is a good idea.  Also have you looked into maybe having him volunteer at a not for profit?  I know around here the local no-kill shelter, The American Red Cross and others have teenage volunteer programs.  Also our local libraries have teen programs.  These would give him something to do other than video games and maybe help him make friends if he wants.

Quoting gdiamante:

I bet the parents of his Xbox buddies have the exact same issues with their kids! Do you know who these kids are and who their parents are? You could try nana's suggestion... throw an Xbox party. Serve up pizza and sodas. Maybe even offer some kind of prize, like a tournament.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)