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DD issues AGAIN

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:03 AM
  • 34 Replies
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So recently I posted about DD21 (who has autism and acts more 16/17) seeming like she was sneaking around and me not being able to do anything about it. Her best (male) friend spent the night 2 weeks ago and after she left for work him and I got to talking and an old friend of hers was bought up and he seemed really surprised I hadn't heard about a big fight between them and told me he couldn't say anything more. Well today I reactivated my facebook and saw my DD and this girl aren't friends and asked her why and she goes 'no reason' and I explained that (name) had said they had a fight. DD told me nope; and continued about her buisness. 45 minutes later she snuck onto my computer to see this girls profile, and my younger kids ran to me and told me she was on my computer, I shoved her away before she could close it and saw the girls profile. I yelled at my DD for lying to me, I deleted the other girl so that this innappropriate behaviour of stalking her (DD has that habit) could not continue and I (as we have guests for a week) have written an email to my daughter expressing my disappointment in her lies. My question is should I force her to talk about it or punish her or what? she's spent the rest of the day hiding in her room with her laptop and won't let anyone near it.

by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:03 AM
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hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:16 AM
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Why haven't you taken her laptop yet?
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:56 AM

Because she pays for it and she pays for everything on it (insurance etc) - I can and have taken her off the wifi list

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Why haven't you taken her laptop yet?


hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:09 AM
Well, if you feel you can't take something she pays for, i'd at least make sure she can't take to friends houses either and if she has a internet phone, i'd do something about that.

She's not going to tell you more than likely... But the disrespect being shown needs to be disciplined... As well as the cyber stalking.

But in this house, even if my son ( for imstance) paid for and maintained his own car, complete with insurance, i'd still have no problem taking the keys until we reestablished that i and his father are in control here.

I'd at least make her keep the door open..seriously. And i'd take things a bit further if required.... No door, just a curtain, but that's how things run here. Teens will hate you for existing, discipline isn't going to make it worse.
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:17 AM

her phone has internet too - but she pays for and the account is in her name - so legally in australia I can't do anything about that.

and she claims it was the first time she's been on the girls page since they 'broke up' but I'm not sure if I can believe that. But yes I can insist on her using her laptop in the loungeroom, I just can't see what she's doing, she shuts the lid and refuses to give the password to her computer or phone.


As for the door thing we've tried that several times; DD purposely plays really loud music, or screams for ages, or in extreme cases purposely stays naked or masturbates to make us feel that it's necessary to put the door on. The longest the door has stayed off was two days and it was pure and utter hell.

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Well, if you feel you can't take something she pays for, i'd at least make sure she can't take to friends houses either and if she has a internet phone, i'd do something about that.

She's not going to tell you more than likely... But the disrespect being shown needs to be disciplined... As well as the cyber stalking.

But in this house, even if my son ( for imstance) paid for and maintained his own car, complete with insurance, i'd still have no problem taking the keys until we reestablished that i and his father are in control here.

I'd at least make her keep the door open..seriously. And i'd take things a bit further if required.... No door, just a curtain, but that's how things run here. Teens will hate you for existing, discipline isn't going to make it worse.


hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:23 AM
Wow, she's really found ways to make sure she's incontrol of the household, hasn't she?

I'm out of ideas.... Sorry.

Quoting GleekingOut:

her phone has internet too - but she pays for and the account is in her name - so legally in australia I can't do anything about that.

and she claims it was the first time she's been on the girls page since they 'broke up' but I'm not sure if I can believe that. But yes I can insist on her using her laptop in the loungeroom, I just can't see what she's doing, she shuts the lid and refuses to give the password to her computer or phone.


As for the door thing we've tried that several times; DD purposely plays really loud music, or screams for ages, or in extreme cases purposely stays naked or masturbates to make us feel that it's necessary to put the door on. The longest the door has stayed off was two days and it was pure and utter hell.


Quoting hollydaze1974:

Well, if you feel you can't take something she pays for, i'd at least make sure she can't take to friends houses either and if she has a internet phone, i'd do something about that.



She's not going to tell you more than likely... But the disrespect being shown needs to be disciplined... As well as the cyber stalking.



But in this house, even if my son ( for imstance) paid for and maintained his own car, complete with insurance, i'd still have no problem taking the keys until we reestablished that i and his father are in control here.



I'd at least make her keep the door open..seriously. And i'd take things a bit further if required.... No door, just a curtain, but that's how things run here. Teens will hate you for existing, discipline isn't going to make it worse.


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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:43 AM

We're army and moved around a lot and nobody would diagnose her with anything till she was 14 and by that point I had 2 newborns and a 3yo so dealing with the diagnosis and alternate parenting had to wait :/ my husband didn't really know how to deal with it so pretends it doesn't exist (unless there's a guy that likes her! then it's "she's autistic -she can't date")

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Wow, she's really found ways to make sure she's incontrol of the household, hasn't she?

I'm out of ideas.... Sorry.

Quoting GleekingOut:

her phone has internet too - but she pays for and the account is in her name - so legally in australia I can't do anything about that.

and she claims it was the first time she's been on the girls page since they 'broke up' but I'm not sure if I can believe that. But yes I can insist on her using her laptop in the loungeroom, I just can't see what she's doing, she shuts the lid and refuses to give the password to her computer or phone.


As for the door thing we've tried that several times; DD purposely plays really loud music, or screams for ages, or in extreme cases purposely stays naked or masturbates to make us feel that it's necessary to put the door on. The longest the door has stayed off was two days and it was pure and utter hell.


Quoting hollydaze1974:

Well, if you feel you can't take something she pays for, i'd at least make sure she can't take to friends houses either and if she has a internet phone, i'd do something about that.



She's not going to tell you more than likely... But the disrespect being shown needs to be disciplined... As well as the cyber stalking.



But in this house, even if my son ( for imstance) paid for and maintained his own car, complete with insurance, i'd still have no problem taking the keys until we reestablished that i and his father are in control here.



I'd at least make her keep the door open..seriously. And i'd take things a bit further if required.... No door, just a curtain, but that's how things run here. Teens will hate you for existing, discipline isn't going to make it worse.



hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:50 AM
I'm sorry, so no ASD behavioral support? She's obviously high functioning.... If you don't get help soon, she won't be able to move out.... And this behavior will be in your home for years to come.

Your little ones are soaking this behavior up, btw. You know that. Good luck
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:56 AM
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I keep the little ones as far away from her when she's like this as possible. And the army have told us we have no choice but to move her out once she turns 22 - but she's nowhere near ready for it -and she claims she doesn't need help so legally I've got no option of getting her help. - australia sucks with their laws on treatment though. I believe it's all manipulative behaviour though because her employee has never seen even the slightest hint of anger from her in the year and a half that she's been there.

Quoting hollydaze1974:

I'm sorry, so no ASD behavioral support? She's obviously high functioning.... If you don't get help soon, she won't be able to move out.... And this behavior will be in your home for years to come.

Your little ones are soaking this behavior up, btw. You know that. Good luck


hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 7:13 AM
Well, good luck.... Perhaps the responsibilities that go along with moving out will be what pushes her to a group home. I worry for you that you will be raising a grandchild, though. I wish you luck.... Like i said, she is high functioning, so moving out will basically be "do or die" situation.
I didn't realize Australia was so unfriendly against special needs. I also didn't know the military provided such little support either.

I do wish you the best, her, as well.
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copgirl112
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:07 PM

I can't give you any advice your DD is 21 and a legal adult. If she was causing me that much trouble I would just kick her out of my house.

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