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Am I CRAZY, or is my daughter????

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:34 AM
  • 30 Replies

Ok, so my daughter has good and bad qualities, like everyone, but she thinks she should be rewarded for things that are expected.  Example, she gets good grades, she is a cheerleader, she is in DECA, HOSA, BETA, student council, etc...... she has even taken 16 duel enrollment hrs, so when she starts university she will be a semester ahead. so that is all good. oh, and she don' t drink, smoke, or sex, she tried weed one time, came home feeling so guilty she told me about it and cried for a while. she is pretty open with her life.  that is all good. now for the bad...... she is high maintenance to the fifth power. she thinks that Donald trump is her father and money is limitless.  she feels that a car is a requirement, Victoria secret is a necessity, she should not have to work or contribute to her wants her needs for college or anything. she thinks she deserves all of this because of the things listed as her good qualities.

fort Christmas I gave each child $100 to shop for family and friends. she spent it all on her be and then was mad that I would not give her more. the other kids find' t spend all of theirs and she felt that she should get it because she is the oldest. it was a huge argument and I told their dad she was going to have to stay with him for the rest of winter break because I needed to get a break from her attitude.  as you prob guessed that didn't happen...... so am I CRAZY???

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gdiamante
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:03 AM
2 moms liked this

Nope. Stick to your guns, mom. If she wants more she needs to get a job and buy it for herself.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:18 AM
4 moms liked this

You made this monster.  Why have you given her all this stuff???  Why doesn't she have a job?  There is NO reason she cannot work AND get good grades.  My kids certainly did it.   Why didn't she earn her OWN money to buy presents?  Or MAKE THEM HERSELF?  Mine were EXPECTED to give Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day and birthday presents.  Before they were old enough to get a REAL job, at about 12 when they started babysitting, they saved money from their allowances, or made presents, or gave "gift certificates" for a car wash, or help in the garden, etc.  Why do you give in to her when she demands things?  Just because she gets good grades, and doesn't smoke, drink or run around?  Good grades and good behavior are EXPECTED--not achievements to be rewarded.

Time for you to wake up and PARENT your child.  Take away her toys, don't give her a cent, or buy her ANYTHING except necessities.  And necessities come from Walmart, NOT Victoria's Secret.  If she wants those extras, she should get a job.  And the job only lasts if the grades and good behavior last.  If the grades fall, or she acts out, it's back to Walmart, AND COMMUNITY COLLEGE.  Tell her you will not piss your money away on a spoiled brat.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:06 AM
You created her, uncreate her. Set her straight on limits and expectations and stick to it. She is a brat and very ungreatful.
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RubyQ
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:59 AM
3 moms liked this

 Your daughter isn't a monster, she's a teenager. Lots of teens (and adults) think money is limitless when they're not spending their own. Ok, so maybe you weren't great about creating opportunities for her to get the feel of earning and spending her own money. But it's not too late.

 You might start out by agreeing with her, that yes, she is a pretty great kid in all those areas--but that doesn't change the fact that all the things she recieves are still priviliges and not rewards. Remind her that you are proud of her, and that the "rewards' are the fact that she is going to be able to do a lot on her own, as an adult--and not have to wait around for other people to reward her! And that  that is much more valuable than anything you or anyone else gives her now.

  When she gets a job, and starts spending her own money, it will be interesting to see all the things that suddenly aren't quite as necessary as they were before. big smile miniAdmittedly, I didn't have this problem too bad with my kids because we have always been pretty frugal, but when my DD got her first job, there were still things she found she could live without!

 You still have time. Just do something before she leaves home and the credit card companies get a hold of her. They start very early---a bank came to my daughter's econ class explaining their products! They know there is a wide open window to instill and capitalize on early bad habits because most teens go right from using gift cards, parent's credit cards, and debit cards--without ever actually having to use and handle real money. It sets up an unrealistic way of spending because it is a documented fact that people spend more money and discard the line between needs and wants, when they use any form of payment other than cash.

 You can still remedy your daughter's attitude--you can do it!

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:07 AM
You need to sit her down and have a discussion about needs and wants. Outline the rules of the house as applies to these things then stick to the rules. Don't bend
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:10 AM

If she didn't buy gifts for herself, then I would have had her siblings open the gifts they bought her (on christmas) and then return them for something nice for themselves.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:16 AM

No you didnt teach her when she was younger that life isnt handed to you on a silver platter. Now you need to. Start by helping her find a job.

happysnappyJ
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:03 PM

If you told her that that was all, stick to your guns, she knew what she was and wasn't going to have available to her. 

Mommyagain39
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:32 PM

you def had the best answer. I have taken a couple of steps to teach her budgeting, first at the first of the month she has to give me a list of  what expenses she would have for the month, and that is all the money that she gets for the month...  but that is sometimes hard because her school is always using short deadlines..... Example, cap and gown info was handed out on11-13-12 money due back in by the 23rd of November.  obviously she couldn't put that in her budget.  We live in a really small town and jobs are few and far between, but I think I have one lined up for her for the summer.  also last summer I paid her $70a week for babysitting her younger siblings, and she was real quick to decide that getting her nails done every 2 weeks was not a necessity.  so I think she will be way more conservative when it is her money.  

greentea1000
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:38 PM

I can certainly understand your frustrations!  Now that it is a new year, you can have a lunch with her and explain that for the next 7 months until she's in college you have some new rules... and the first one would be that she will be giving herself to volunteer hours (decide how many/week)  she obviously will not work, and it is very difficult to get a job, but volunteer hours are needed everywhere.  she needs to see people less fortunate than she is.

Next, you may have a serious problem her first semester in college, because things have come so easy for her... I would believe she is going to a good, if not great university and probably for the first time in her life will have to work/study.  she may not make it and that will be a most difficult life lesson. Plus right now she has senior itz... and will not want to do much the rest of the year. 

wish you all the luck!


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