Gotta blow off steam before I tell DH

[JustaSM231]

Got a message on facebook tonight from my Dad.  My Dad is a night owl and was looking on facebook and was sending out Happy New Years posts as he is want to do.  Dad said he went to my SD13's facebook page to send her a message and saw several messages posted from her friends that concerned him and he wanted to let me know about it.  I took a look and I am shocked.  These kids are SD13's age and are talking about drinking, getting drunk, and one girl posted a conversation she supposedly had with her mother in which the girl cusses at her mother and tells her to leave her the "f---" alone and threw a book or something at her mother.  So I got to checking some of SD13's friends, she has over 300.  There are some people on here that are 10-20 years older than her that live out of the country and she has no friends in common with them.  There are also kids on here that are her age and I believe go to her school and one of them listed "pimpin' the hoes" as his job.  Another had a picture of a marijuana pipe as her big picture on facebook.  Another listed some extremely derrogatory references to females in his job status.  I am apalled!!! SD13 is a sweet, smart, beautiful young lady but she also has severe self-esteem issues due to being overweight and she has a very difficult time standing up to people.  She will say or do what she thinks the other person wants to hear to make sure the other person is happy (if that makes sense). 

Let me first say, I WILL NOT BE HANDLING THIS!!! I am going to pass this information on to DH and let him handle it.  But DH told SD13 when she got her facebook account that DH, BM, Gma, and I have the right to access her account at anytime and if there is something we deem inappropriate, her facebook account will be deleted.  I don't think these qualify for her account to be deleted, but we will definitely be going through her friend list and making several blocks/unfriend requests. 

So how far do you go in making your child accountable for something someone else posts on facebook.  Would you simply have your child delete her friendship with the person making questionable posts?   Again, she is a lovely girl with amazing potential.  I just don't want these friends/associations bringing her down in any way!!!

[GleekingOut]

I made DD several times delete people who were making innappropriate posts. I would sit her down, go through all her friend's and ask her how she knows each and every person - if they're over 5 years older than her or she takes more than 5 seconds to respond they get deleted (or if she doesn't know them in real life). and then with the ones left you go through their page and make sure they are behaving themselves online -I've told my kids that the way they behave on games/online makes me wonder how they behave in real life without my presence. I would then go through her inbox and her info and make sure she's not behaving inappropriately. Well - get DH to do it if you don't feel comfortable with it. but it has to happen ASAP. I'd only punish however if she was exhibiting the same behaviours (language, condoning drugs, sex etc)

[Jers.]

As soon I figure out a way to say it nicely, I will respond.

[Zamaria]

When my son got his fb account, I told him straight up that if any of his friends made inappropriate posts he had to unfriend them. And I do unfriend the ones who are always posting stuff like that. If its just a vent with some language and it isn't all the time I let it go though. And he also knows that he is not to make or accept ANY friend request without my permission, even if he knows them personally, and I know them, he couldn't even accept a request from my mom without permission. If he does, even just once, I will change his password for a long time, until I feel like he can be responsible with it. The reason being that people often pretend to be someone they aren't. Just because the request says its from grandma doesn't mean that it is. I know there are at least two other profiles on facebook with my name and my picture, but they aren't me. It can be dangerous. He also knows that I check it at least a few times a week. I do believe in kids this age having a little privacy if they are responsible, but Facebook is not private. It's a public place, as is email or anything else that goes on the Internet. That's just something I have drilled into his head. NOTHING on the Internet is private, and I will not treat it as private. The Internet is a good tool, but it can also be very dangerous. Grown adults sometimes get hurt or worse because of things they put online, so I feel like it's very important to monitor all online activity, at least until he's 18. I'd just have a talk like that with her. It's not really her fault that her friends are making inappropriate posts, although it does make you wonder if she needs new friends, but she definately shouldn't be accepting requests from people she doesn't know. That's irresponsible.

[fammatthews4]

Someone needs to sit down with her on her page and point out what you consider inappropriate and why. Also help her go through her friends list and delete anyone she doesn't know in real life.

[atlmom2]

I wouldn't worry as much about facebook but is she true friends with the kids that are doing these things. I would worry more about real life and who she runs with than facebook.

[Msgme]

I don't really make a big deal about others posts.  I don't hold my kids responsible for what other ppl do.  If it was excessive and really nasty That person would get deleted but my dd only has 1 friend that I have to keep an eye on and he knows better than to post somethign that I could see.  Friends have to be ppl they know in real life. 

[atlmom2]

Me neither. I can't be the keeper of others.

Quoting Msgme:

I don't really make a big deal about others posts.  I don't hold my kids responsible for what other ppl do.  If it was excessive and really nasty That person would get deleted but my dd only has 1 friend that I have to keep an eye on and he knows better than to post somethign that I could see.  Friends have to be ppl they know in real life. 

[fantasticfour]

If she doesn't know them personally then she's not allowed to friend them.  If it is an adult, she must ask me first.

[dandylynes]

Same here.

Quoting atlmom2:

Me neither. I can't be the keeper of others.

Quoting Msgme:

I don't really make a big deal about others posts.  I don't hold my kids responsible for what other ppl do.  If it was excessive and really nasty That person would get deleted but my dd only has 1 friend that I have to keep an eye on and he knows better than to post somethign that I could see.  Friends have to be ppl they know in real life. 

[lucky2Beeme]

I would shut it down. my kids didn't have FB until age 18. There really is no reason to have it esp if you aren't mature enough. In your SD defense I ran with kids that smokes and drank as a teen. I never took part in it. Your SD really hasn't done anything wrong. Be sure that she knows this. Be sure to explain the FB is being shut down because it is full of inappropriate crap you don't feel she needs in her life at her age.