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Advice - 13 yr old dd

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:37 PM
  • 32 Replies

Hi everyone!  I'm new here and excited to get some advice and read about others experiences.

I will try to make this as short as I can, but a lot has happpened in the last 7 months.

Last Summer, I let my DD be alone on the computer with a friend from school playing games.  Next thing I knew....I find out she has been talking to 18 yr old guy from another state, 16 yr old guy from another state....and another group of guys from someplace else.   Long story short.....my sweet girl was sexting....sending nude pics of herself....and had a major change in her personality.  Believe me....I have beat myself up over this.  I know it was my fault.  I have even apologized to her.....I was naive. 

Since then, I have caught her sending pics to "boyfriends" at school....sexting too.  We have fought and cried and fought and cried a ton.  she has told me she hates me.....for reading texts, etc.  I see her sending texts about wanting to committ suicide and that she is worthless. 

OK-- we finally made it to a child psychologist.  Her doctor said she seems to feel bad and embarrassed.  It has been a long haul, but she has improved.  Back to spending some time with the family.....not on computer much at all....all the guys she got involved with are gone except for one.  (which i will get back to).

 I felt like major progress has been made.  But recently....she is talking to a boy who goes to another school.  texts are about sex.....oral sex.  and i mean VERY detailed about these things.  I've read him asking for pics....telling her he'd send her a pic of him masturbating if she'd do the same.  She has not done anything that i know of.  (I have blocked her phone from this capability).  I do see her really hesitating to commit to doing it.  They were trying to get her to his house last weekend.....and talking about taking pics when she gets there of her.  She did ask....and i of course said 'no'.  And he asked last night about f***ing her.  :(

Back to the kid she has been talking to from last summer.  She was telling him how she has changed and didn't want to "sext" anymore and just wanted to "good old fashioned talk"......I was happy to read that but then 9 hours later read these texts to the kid about having sex and taking pics.

I am trying to summarize 7 months of hell.  So, I have left a lot of stuff out.  i have NOT called her out about this current guy yet.  we have appointment in 2 days with her psychiatrist.  So, i'm sure they are still talking like this.  She will freak when she knows I saw her texts.  and of course I am going to take the screaming and call her out......even if she hates me....I'm just trying to wait til we get to the doctor to get advice on this. 

I don't know why  she does this.....she KNOWS it's wrong.....she KNOWS she is way too young to be talking like this.  And just as bad....I am scared to death of her not having good morals.....just being a good person.  To tell one guy she is changed and different.....then to turn around and talk this way.  The lies she tells him....the lies she tells me.  ----- One example is a few months ago she was "dating" a guy and I found her messaging a guy (again in another state) NASTY, dirty things.  And it is her too.  She talks as nasty as the guys do.  But I was just as devastated by how she could claim to care about a boy....and talk to another boy like that.  Morals??????

I am beside myself.  7 months ago she was sweet and silly....just a normal 13 year old.  NOW.....sex talk and lies.

 

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ursula77
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 9:45 PM

Have you thought of blocking all texting and pictures from her cell yet? Maybe consider taking her phone away from her? If it was me, I would take her phone away.

Earbuds
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:10 PM

Yep!  Have blocked the pics from her phone.  She can't send or receive.  Phone and computer have been taken away off and on the last few months.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Why does she still have a cell phone?

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Doesn't sound like she has the emotional capacity or maturity to handle a cell phone. It doesn't matter how angry she she gets Mama, you are the parent and she's causing quite a bit of self harm with these texts. I would take the phone away now, as in like yesterday ASAP. Good luck, get that phone out of her hands
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lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:43 PM

Im sorry but my just turned 14yo has only limited numbers that she can call n text.  We are with t mobile, but i think a lot of cell carriers are the same.  My daughter only has a list of 10 people - that WE chose - to put on her phone list via online on our carriers website.  She can have all the numbers she wants in her cell phone, but her cell only will actually text or call the 10 people we allow.  If she tries callin or textin any other numbers, the text just doesnt go thru.  Other than that you take the computer and cell phone AWAY!  WHY have you NOT done this yet?!  My daughter went from a sweet child, to a cutting, suicidal teen over night also.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:43 PM

Why does she still have a phone and computer? I mean to me the answer seems pretty simple. can;t behave responsibly then you aren't ready to technology.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but honestly, i don;t get it.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 1:11 AM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Why does she still have a phone and computer? I mean to me the answer seems pretty simple. can;t behave responsibly then you aren't ready to technology.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but honestly, i don;t get it.

I second that emotion.  It was the first thought that ran thru my head.  And no laptop, tablet, e-reader, Ipod touch, NADA.  Take her to school, pick her up, don't let her "hang out" anywhere,  no going to other people's homes, and no door on her room.  The PARENT is in charge, not the kid.  Sheesh. 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:31 AM
This is my question as well.

Quoting fantasticfour:

Why does she still have a cell phone?

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Zamaria
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:43 AM
My thoughts exactly. Evidently she is not mature enough for a cell phone. If she must have one for safety reasons, you need to get her one that you can put on lock down. My son's phone has parental controls that I can set that only allows him to call or text me or his father or my parents. He can't do anything else with the phone. No camera, no Internet, nothing. Sounds like your dd needs something like that.


Quoting fantasticfour:

Why does she still have a cell phone?


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Barabell
by Barbara on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:24 AM


Quoting sabrtooth1:


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Why does she still have a phone and computer? I mean to me the answer seems pretty simple. can;t behave responsibly then you aren't ready to technology.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but honestly, i don;t get it.

I second that emotion.  It was the first thought that ran thru my head.  And no laptop, tablet, e-reader, Ipod touch, NADA.  Take her to school, pick her up, don't let her "hang out" anywhere,  no going to other people's homes, and no door on her room.  The PARENT is in charge, not the kid.  Sheesh. 

I third these comments.

While reading the OP, I just kept asking myself why she still had access to a cellphone or computer!! She has not proven to be responsible with it. Take it all away!!!

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