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My 14 DD just asked if she could go out on a date

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM
  • 27 Replies

Over the summer she went to vocational school for a week, and she said one of the boys from her class asked her to go on a double date with his older brother and his girlfriend.  I don't even know this kid!  I don't know his parents and I especially don't like the idea of an older brother being a shaperone!  How do I make her understand that this is not going to happen?  I know her and she is going to harp on it and drive me crazy.  I told her have the boy come here, I don't know him, and frankly I don't trust anyone with my daughter unless I know him and the parents.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Barabell
by Barbara on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

You told her what you are willing to do. Stick to it!!

IndianaWynette
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:28 AM
2 moms liked this

 Do like my dh and I did. Take them on a date. Take them to McDonalds for example as long as the boy has the $$ and let them go in alone and have dinner and you sit in the car and listen to the radio. Give them an hour and tell them to be back in the car and if one of them don't have a watch loan her yours. It works out great, she gets her date and you get to shaparone without her feeling like a total baby.  

mango44
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I have let her go to football games with one of her boyfriends and his mother.  I have let her invite a few boys over, they watch t.v. in the other room, while I am here.  I just don't feel comfy with her going out on a date unless I am there, or I know the parents, and they are present.  I feel she is too young to be in that situation.  I was 14 when I started dating, but my mother just turned a blind eye to it.  I dated a 17 year old and it was a huge mistake.  I had no idea what I was getting into and I ended up dating that guy for 4 years and I didn't get to be a normal girl in highschool (dating and such).  It was a mistake and my mother should have forbid it and she didn't she let me do as I wanted.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Tell her no.  If she wants to spend time with this boy he can come over, but 14 is too young to date.

jazzgirl205
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Has he done anything to make you suspicious?  Many people are not as active in their community as their parents were; therefore, do not know many people.  This may be limiting for your daughter.  My dd thinks she has been dating since 12.  On Saturdays, she would take her allowance, walk downtown, and have lunch or coffee at a cafe by herself.  Occaisionally, friends would join her.  Sometimes it would be just one boy.  These she called dates.

We moved to the mtns this July.   DD turned 15 in Nov. so the only boys in the dating pool were from families we didn't know.  Where we used to live, I was involved in so many community activies that I did know many of the families in town.  I guess it's part of letting go.

My family had been in the Southern city in which I grew up since before the Civil war.  My Daddy knew at least one relative of every boy I dated.  "What's your last name, boy?.........Don't know it.  Who was your Mama?..........Hinton? Then her daddy must have been Owen.  He used to run with the Boyle boys down on Conception Street. " 

kblossom20
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:59 AM
No means no. She'll just have to deal with it. I don't see why you'd need to explain your reasoning.
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handy0318
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm on the same page as Indiana Wynette. Our daughter was allowed to date at 14, but only if chaperoned by either us, his parents, or, if they were just "hanging out" they had to have her little brother with them. We also had group activities for the two of them to enjoy with her other friends as well.  

So, our daughter can date anyone she wants to, as long as he is within three years of age.  She's just chaperoned that's all.  We do allow her to have "private" time with her dates, they can sit out on the patio where they are in plain view, but we cannot hear what they are discussing.  We've also allowed her to be in the kitchen with a boy friend, talking and cooking, while we were out on the patio.

But, we don't plan on letting either our daughter or our son to go off for hours alone with a person of the opposite sex that they are really attracted to.  Too many parents do that, and as a direct result we have too many kids becoming parents. 

mango44
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:40 PM

I agree I don't want her to be in a situation where she is vulnerable.  Kids that age feel pressured to do things, boys and girls.  The hormones are going wild and next thing ya know, you've got two children having a child.  I am a responsible parent and I will not allow her to do whatever she wants to.  I know better and I know it from experience too, I had sex when I was at a young age cause, my mother didn't keep tabs on me.  I felt pressured by an older boy.  It ruined my childhood I grew up way too fast!


Quoting handy0318:

I'm on the same page as Indiana Wynette. Our daughter was allowed to date at 14, but only if chaperoned by either us, his parents, or, if they were just "hanging out" they had to have her little brother with them. We also had group activities for the two of them to enjoy with her other friends as well.  

So, our daughter can date anyone she wants to, as long as he is within three years of age.  She's just chaperoned that's all.  We do allow her to have "private" time with her dates, they can sit out on the patio where they are in plain view, but we cannot hear what they are discussing.  We've also allowed her to be in the kitchen with a boy friend, talking and cooking, while we were out on the patio.

But, we don't plan on letting either our daughter or our son to go off for hours alone with a person of the opposite sex that they are really attracted to.  Too many parents do that, and as a direct result we have too many kids becoming parents. 


 

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 1:55 PM

You already have a problem.  You said your dd JUST asked if she could go on a date, but it was <<Over the summer (when) she went to vocational school>> when she met this kid, so they have been in touch for at least 6 months.  Did you know this?  How are they communicationg?  I think you need to get her under control, and you CERTAINLY don't need her going on a 'date" with someone she has been conspiring with for all this time--that you don't even know. 

We did NOT let our kids "date" before we decided they were mature enough, even if the 'date" was at MickyD's, or the roller rink.  My kids KNEW we weren't going to DELIVER them to a boy, or allow boys in the house on a one-on-one basis.  14 yo's are NEVER mature enough to handle a relationship.  Sometimes, 16 is NOT old enough, either. 

PinkButterfly66
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 3:00 PM

The only way I would allow something like that is if it was a group thing AND me and the hubs went along (sitting far away of course).

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