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My 14 DD just asked if she could go out on a date

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Over the summer she went to vocational school for a week, and she said one of the boys from her class asked her to go on a double date with his older brother and his girlfriend.  I don't even know this kid!  I don't know his parents and I especially don't like the idea of an older brother being a shaperone!  How do I make her understand that this is not going to happen?  I know her and she is going to harp on it and drive me crazy.  I told her have the boy come here, I don't know him, and frankly I don't trust anyone with my daughter unless I know him and the parents.

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Replies (21-27):
momof98and03
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:00 PM

I would say NO DATES at this age. 14yrs is too young. Even my dd is 14 and fortunately she never came up with this. Even if she does, my answer would be NO.

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not trying to bash when i ask this...i am askin seriously....is someone home in the afternoon when your children get home from school to supervise the kids?  I'm askin everyone here.  Who is to stop this boy from just showing up at your house (esp since it looks like there is an older brother who can drive and drop his younger brother off).  I know we ALL have rules.  No one in the house, especially if no adult is around, etc., etc., and no dating.  But what is happening at all these houses where there is no adult supervision?  Kids dont need to "date", boys n girls just go to each others houses and do things.  I, fortunately, have a schedule where i can take my kids to school and i pick them up from school, so i am home, but what about those homes where no one is around.....

pasteeater
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 6:22 PM
1 mom liked this
My 14 yr old son isnt allowed to date until 16. I have never had a problem with him.
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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:05 PM
Glad you are sticking to your rules and being consistent. Hang in there, she will eventually respect you more for doing so. 14 is way too young IMO for a double date. A large group of kids hanging out at someone's house (my house with me in next room) is more age appropriate I think
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handy0318
by Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:19 PM


You make an excellent point... one that my sisters and I were very mindful of.  DH and I budget, sacrifice and scrimp so that I can be a SAHM. I do work from home and also hold a part time job, but mainly I'm home with the kids.  I don't mind them being home when alone when we're on our ranch... it's 45 minutes from town and none of their friends drive yet, but when we stay at my in-law's place in town, I'm with them.

But, you can't just go by being home either.  Sooner or later, it will be the values that your child holds that will ultimately rule the day.  We learned this when we were allowing a boy to come over and be with our daughter, fully chaperoned.  His mom was coming by to pick him up and they sat for the last 5 minutes on the front door step.  In that 5 minutes, he showed her the condom in his wallet and asked her if she wanted him to sneak back over later on when we would be asleep. They were both 14 at the time.

She kicked him to the curb, thankfully.  But, the scary part is, she could have said  yes, she could have waited until we were asleep, snuck out and met him for sex.  

At the end of the day, we can only impart our values to our kids and be consistent about it, educate them on how important it is to wait for sex, and most of all, keep the lines of communication open.

Quoting lazyd:

I'm not trying to bash when i ask this...i am askin seriously....is someone home in the afternoon when your children get home from school to supervise the kids?  I'm askin everyone here.  Who is to stop this boy from just showing up at your house (esp since it looks like there is an older brother who can drive and drop his younger brother off).  I know we ALL have rules.  No one in the house, especially if no adult is around, etc., etc., and no dating.  But what is happening at all these houses where there is no adult supervision?  Kids dont need to "date", boys n girls just go to each others houses and do things.  I, fortunately, have a schedule where i can take my kids to school and i pick them up from school, so i am home, but what about those homes where no one is around.....



tyfry7496
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:42 PM
If she was my daughter, she would know that the house rule is NO dating until at least 16. No exceptions. It wouldn't be an issue.
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM

I wouldn't be surprised if he's already her boyfriend at school! Even though when DD was at school I said no dating she still had boyfriends and hugged them, held hands and kissed them. I couldn't do shit about it at school

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