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Dealing with a defiant 16 yr. old boy

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 6:49 PM
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This is my first time to be apart of something like this so be patient with me.  I have a 16 yr. old son who is challenging his father and I as we have never experienced from his older sister or our own lives.  He is defiant at times and not making good decsions all the time.  Grades are not a priority all the time.  Wants his freedom and independence but makes dumb mistakes that can be costly.  Help!

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 6:49 PM
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by Shauna on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Welcome to the group.

I was very lucky with my teen dd, she was pretty easy through her teens. My sons aren't teens yet but I am hoping they are just as easy. I don't think I'll get that lucky though, lol.

If your son wants his freedom and independence use that as your motivating factor for him. When he does good things~ chores, homework/grades, makes good choices,etc. He gets some freedom and independence to go places and hang out with friends, etc. Set rules and boundaries and be consistent in consequences~ positive and negative.

by Kimberly on Jan. 22, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Welcome!    It would help to know what types of things he is doing or challenging you on.       My 19 yr old son was a challenge, too.     

Freedom and Independence are earned.  Bad choices and dumb mistakes are common at 16, that is how we learn.    I like to say:  Those who act like children, are treated as children.     Same goes for responsible adults.

by Grumpy on Jan. 22, 2013 at 9:06 PM

Welcome to the group. 

Sounds like a typical teenage boy to me and I have yet to figure out what works.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM
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Welcome to the group!

Sixteen tends to be a difficult age for boys. Both of mine had a bit of head strongedness at that age. Basically I told them that if they wanted the privliges of a young adult then their behavior had to be that of a young adult as well. It was give and take. I allowed them more 'freedom' and they in turned stepped up their responsibilities.

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:08 PM

Hi I know how you feel I've a 14yr old exactly the same but they have to make their own mistakes and hopefully they learn well sometimes they do

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 3:18 PM

I agree with you it must be earned.  We have had a few situations happen and he has been caught every time at least those we know of.  He has dabbled with beer and pot once each.  We ground him and take phone away but were not really sure there is true remorse for it.  He knows its wrong and is majority of the time a great kid but shows real defiance after the storm has settled and says we talk to him to much about it.  There is a lot at stake as he goes to a private christian school and can be expelled if ever found out by the school.  His friends are not terrible kids from his school but walk on the edge from time to time.  It's just hard for us to go through because sooner or later mom and dad will not be there to bail him out, the law will be handling it!  I just dont want it to come to that.  I know the only way to really know whats going on is through is texting, but he has gotten smart with deleting them before I can get to them.  Any suggestions on that one?  Thanks for your help

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