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Daughter doesn't want to go to high school graduation?

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:27 PM
  • 45 Replies

I have a 17 year old daughter who is graduating high school this year. My husband and I are very proud of her, and up until today I assumed her graduation would be a big event for our family, my parents even planned to come to attend it. But when my husband mentioned this to her, she said she couldn't go. She got a job as a summer camp counselor at a place she's been working at for the last few years, and it intersects with the date of the graduation. We got in an argument this morning, I thought the graduation is important, her school even gives out awards and with her grades she has a chance at getting one. She doesn't want to start late at her summer job though, she has very close friends there and also wants to get paid, of course... She told me that she doesn't care about school despite her great grades she hates it. She also told me that she doesn't care about anyone in her school (she hates the small town we live in.)

What should I do? I want her to attend, but she is dead set against going. I don't know if she's trying to prove some kind of a point to everyone there by skipping it.

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:32 PM

My oldest didn't want to attend his. He has some learning disabilities and in his senior year got bi-polar, so he had to repeat his senior year, well the second semester and he did not want to attend the graduation. He fought so hard for the honor of his diploma, even when manic the only thing he was clear on was his diploma and he didn't want to walk the stage.

I respected his wishes. I didn't like it, but it was his choice. He did let us throw a party though.

movieq
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM

I would ask her to consider how she may feel in the future.  It sounds like she has a valid reason in the job conflict and maybe she's considering that her future and school her past.  I would express that she should try to live with no regrets and that this could be one.  If she doesn't change her mind then I would honor her wishes.

MrsJoe125
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:55 PM

I copied and pasted your last paragraph to respond to:

What should I do? Let her make her own decision.  She's 17, she's not making an irresponsible decision (although, I guess one could call it inconsiderate, maybe), I don't blame her and I wish I'd been strong enough to stand up against the way things are supposed to be and not gone to my "graduation" in Podunk, USA.

I want her to attend, but she is dead set against going.  I wouldn't push; it's not likely to turn out well since the most relevent thing you have to stand on (based strictly on what you said in your post) is that your "parents planned to come to attend".

I don't know if she's trying to prove some kind of a point to everyone there by skipping it.  Even if she is, it's her choice.  Being a senior, she may think she'll probably never see these people again; she might, she might not.  What would her not attending prove to them?  That she has better things to do than spend all day long on some ceremony?  I don't blame her.


 

LizzieA
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 4:55 PM

Thanks for the replies :)

She insists she won't regret it, that her friends at her summer job are more important to her. My main complaint which she doesn't agree with is that it isn't all about her - my parents had wanted to visit for a long weekend for this, and my husband and I were looking forward to seeing her graduate. The camp is also very flexible about time off too, so I don't understand why it's so important for her not to go.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:09 PM

i respectfully disagree.  it is her choice.  there is nothing that says your parents can not visit the weekend before she leaves.  you can have a wonderful dinner out or in, give her gifts, cake what ever you want to do to celebrate.  if she has regrets that is on her, it was her choice.

Quoting LizzieA:

Thanks for the replies :)

She insists she won't regret it, that her friends at her summer job are more important to her. My main complaint which she doesn't agree with is that it isn't all about her - my parents had wanted to visit for a long weekend for this, and my husband and I were looking forward to seeing her graduate. The camp is also very flexible about time off too, so I don't understand why it's so important for her not to go.


tntmomof2
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:17 PM

My daughter is also graduating this year so I can understand the disappointment you must be feeling. This is a day we imagine their whole lives. BUT unfortunately its not our choice to make. You can plead your case and tell her how much you've been looking forward to this but in the end she decides. 

Maybe you guys can come up with some sort of compromise. Maybe she skips the graduation ceremony and instead you creat your own special day to celebrate with her. Good luck. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:23 PM

My younger son did not walk.   I wasn't surprised.   It wasn't important to him, he just wanted the diploma!  I still ordered the cap & gown and the announcements.    He still graduated.   We had a family party and took lots of pictures with him in his cap & gown, holding his diploma.

My oldest son did walk.   He did it for us, I think.   He was so ready to move on and be done with HS.....he really just went through the motions.     He chose not to walk in his college graduation ceremony.




tyfry7496
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:52 PM
I'm sorry but it IS all about her. It's HER graduation. It's HER working for the grades. It's HER choice to attend or not. More than likely she'll get an empty folder and her diploma will be mailed to her.

I would not force her to go because you will push her away. Stop nagging and she may change her mind on her own.


Quoting LizzieA:

Thanks for the replies :)

She insists she won't regret it, that her friends at her summer job are more important to her. My main complaint which she doesn't agree with is that it isn't all about her - my parents had wanted to visit for a long weekend for this, and my husband and I were looking forward to seeing her graduate. The camp is also very flexible about time off too, so I don't understand why it's so important for her not to go.

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atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:59 PM
Mine would have never thought of not walking. To me it is just as much for the parents than the kids. Maybe more even.
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EyEmTuRtLe
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:07 PM

When I graduated I did not want to go through the ceremony because I had to work to make rent and bills. I didn't buy a cap and gown or anything.

Two days before the ceremony I realized that it would be a HUGE mistake if I didn't. Not just because it meant I was done. But because I am the youngest of 5 and the only daughter I realized the ceremony wasn't just for me. It was also sort of a closure to me.

Maybe she doesn't realize that it doesn't just impact her? Or maybe she really doesn't want to go. Sit down talk to her, explain to her why you think it's important. That a lot of people are proud of her an want to be there to support her.

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