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Advice Needed: My 13 almost 14 year old daughter has a boyfriend...

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My 13 (almost 14) year old daughter has a boyfriend. They are both great kids. They live an hour apart so they only see each other once or twice a month. I am acting cool about it and very reasonable. But inside, I'm nervous. I trust them. Really I do. She knows EVERYTHING there is to know about sex. And I mean EVERYTHING. So it's not like she is uneducated and naive.

My concern is stemming from a look on her face yesterday. We were at his house and they went to play a game in another room. I wavered on letting them go unsupervised but I needed to let her make that decision. I won't always be there so I try to let her make the right choices on her own.  Before they went to the other room, she hesitated. Then she eventually got up and went with him. When I called for them, she came back with a stange look on her face. It was a look of feeling uncomfortable. When we got in the car, I asked her if they played the game or made out. She said a little of both. I said you look uncomfortable. She said I am in the middle. Not all the way but not a little bit. So I told her if you don't feel right about something, you shouldn't do it. That's your heart telling you it's not right. And she said okay. The conversation ended there.

Now my mind is going crazy. I don't want to get emotional about this. She will clam up and won't tell me anything. I want to tell her that I think she is way too young to have a boyfriend and she should enjoy life, school, and sports instead of worrying about a guy. That choosing to go with him unsupervised was the wrong choice.  That she looked uncomfortable and was not having fun and it bothered me. 

She usually has no problem telling anyone what she will or will not do. She has put a few of her friends in their place and if they didn't like it she didn't care. She has such a strong personality. It bothers me that she did something that she was uncomfortable doing. Maybe it was just that it was her first kiss? Maybe they went a little further than that? Anyone else go thru this yet and how did you handle it? What do I say and how do I say it to prevent a mother daughter fall out?

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 5:48 PM
Replies (11-13):
MrsJoe125
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this

You say she has a strong personality, not afraid to put ppl in their place.  It sounds like the conversation you described would be enough.

If you see a drastic change in her behavior, like she's being too submissive with him, continuing to be uncomfortable about him, or he seems to be getting controlling with her...  That's when I would start worrying.

Making mistakes is how we learn. 

LuckyMom822
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

So true. I must say the boy is a very good kid and I have known his parents for about 15 years. I just don't think my child is ready or mature enough to date yet. With her grades and her making poor decisions, she just isn't ready. I need to work with her some more before I open that gate. This is a first for me. I have always pushed for her to try new things and enjoy life to the fullest. Now I'm pulling on the reins. Thankfully she understands my concerns. She isn't happy about them but she understands them.  


Quoting MrsJoe125:

You say she has a strong personality, not afraid to put ppl in their place.  It sounds like the conversation you described would be enough.

If you see a drastic change in her behavior, like she's being too submissive with him, continuing to be uncomfortable about him, or he seems to be getting controlling with her...  That's when I would start worrying.

Making mistakes is how we learn. 



02nana07
by Ida on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:57 PM

 Sounds like you might be a grandma  before you want since she is dating before she is mature enough to say no

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