Teens and electronics...what would you do? (long post-UPDATE IN REPLIES)
A little back story...my SD moved in with us in June 2011. She begged DH to let her move in with us b/c she had been sneaking out, had sex (at the age of 13), and said she was so scared and needed to start over. So, she moved in with us. It was very difficult, but I thought we were doing good for a blended family. I have two children with DH, they are 3 and almost 1. Things were rough in the beginning b/c SD was not used to structure. She never went to school when she lived with her mom (48 absents in one semester). She almost failed the 7th grade b/c she didn't have enough attendance hours to pass. .
Things were pretty tough in the beginning. She admitted she had been sexting and having face time conversations with a 16 y/o boyfriend. Her mom has been gone from the house for 3 1/2 months with her BF, who was a truck driver. While mom was gone, SD would sneak out with the 16 y/o boyfriend. They partied and has sex. She said she wanted a new beginning.
Fast forward to a week ago. SD went to visit her mother over the weekend (she lives 4 hours away). I had asked her to leave all of her passwords for FB, her ipod, and her email where we could find it in case we ever needed it. I wanted to check up on her more but DH wouldn't allow it. So I needed to send her some emails and they wouldn't go through. So when she got back last Sunday, I asked her for her passwords and correct email. She never gave them to me. So, this past Sunday night, I asked her about it. She acted clueless as to what her account info was. I asked how she IMd her friends, and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. I asked for her ipod, and she started deleting stuff off so I told her to put it down and I got it.
Then she started crying, saying she had bad problems. I got DH and we talked to her. She said she felt like she had to lie to fit in with her friends at high school. I didn't think much of it but kept the electronics. A few minutes later the ipod starts to vibrate. It's a boy. I looks at the conversation and i COULD NOT BELIEVE what these kids were saying to each other. Then, I intercepted a phone call from another boy who was coming to pick her up in an hour b/c they planned on SNEAKING OUT!!!! I was furious...and finally DH was too.
We talked about it. Took away electronics. She's grounded. Then tonight she tells DH she wants to move back in with her mom. I am so hurt! I just don't even know what to do or say. I've been a basket case the past two days. After the past visit to her mom, she said she wouldn't ever go back, now she wants to live with her?!?!?! Her mom has seen her 3 times since she moved. They fight all the time b/c her mom calls her a slut and a whore....I just don't even know how to save this girl from herself....
PLEASE HELP! Do all of you check in on your teens' electronic useage??? What do we do? We just tried to talk about how men with respect talk to women and how women with respect for themselves allow a man to talk to them...and the grounding. Now she just wants to leave, and her mom is all for it. All the while, I am trying to manage my younger children. Anyone else dealt with this??? No bashing please...just some advice/help/stories